2023 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-25 02:58
Yesterday you could not get enough of your child. And suddenly everything changed. The daughter or son began to throw tantrums, be rude and stubborn. The child became simply uncontrollable. What happened?
It's very simple. Your bloodline has smoothly "driven" into a transitional age. This is a very difficult stage not only in the life of a small person, but also of his entire family. How many transitional ages do children have in their entire lives and how to survive this difficult period? After all, it is very important not only to establish relationships, but also not to miss the child.
Options for age-related behavioral changes
At a transitional age, children behave very inadequately. These stages of the formation and growth of the child accompany the entire period of his growing up:
- 2, 5–3 years - the period of the first social adaptation, the first experience of independent communication in a team (nursery or children'sgarden);
- 6–7 years - the time of manifestation of independence, complicated by the change of the children's team (from kindergarten to school);
- 13–14 years - the notorious puberty, the formation of personality, the gradual adaptation to adulthood.
When a child begins a transitional age, many parents are simply at a loss and do not understand how to respond to the ongoing changes. There can be no panacea in this matter. It all depends on the individual characteristics of the child's development, upbringing, the nature of habitual communication with the outside world and people. The duration of the transition also varies. Some adapt to new conditions in a few months, others may need 1.5-2 years.
The transitional age in children 3 years old can begin both earlier and later than the indicated period. It all depends on individual characteristics. During this period, the baby for the first time begins to realize himself as a person, to set the boundaries of what is permitted. For the first time, his own "I" begins to form. Just yesterday, your baby was affectionate and obedient, and today in front of you is a stubborn, constantly crying and naughty wretch.
Vivid manifestations of the three-year crisis
Missing such a change is simply impossible, the signs are too obvious. The transitional age in children 3 years old looks something like this:
- The baby is constantly naughty, whining, requires more and more toys and mother's attention. The baby never seems to be completely satisfied.
- Child disobeys and demonstratestheir equality with adults.
- Persistently tries to do things on his own. If nothing comes out, she cries and throws a tantrum, but stubbornly refuses the help of adults.
- Stubbornly trying to subdue his parents. At the slightest resistance, he throws a tantrum, forcing him to obey.
- Many previously loved things and people are denied: a beloved bear is thrown into a corner, an adored grandmother is perceived as a stranger.
- Absolutely does not perceive the words "no" or "no". When trying to force something, he arranges public tantrums.
- Absolutely does not listen to explanations, runs away from parents, leaving them in the middle of the road.
How should parents respond?
So, you are convinced that the child has a transitional age. How to behave with a little despot? First of all, you need to remember that screaming is not the right weapon in the fight against age-related changes. Parents will have to gather all the nerves into a fist and show maximum patience.
Here are some tips:
- The child is your reflection. The calmer the mother behaves, the faster the child will repeat after her and calm down on his own.
- Don't criticize. Accompany each correct action with praise. If something doesn't work, don't label it.
- Let your child make decisions. He can choose his own pants for kindergarten or choose a name for a hamster.
- Show your love. Do not scold the baby for petty pranks. Compliment your washed cup, even if you have to wash itagain.
- Don't compare your baby with other people's children. Children of this age simply do not have a sense of competition.
- Let the child win sometimes, especially in those moments that are not so important. Want to try on mom's old skirt? Nothing bad will happen from this.
- Recognize the child's right to be an adult. Tell him how adults behave. Try to explain all one hundred thousand whys in an accessible way.
Features of the development of first-graders
If the transitional age of a three-year-old child has safely passed, parents can relax and unwind a little. But only a little. Literally in a couple of years, a new round of events awaits them.
With the beginning of school age, the child undergoes a complex restructuring of the peripheral nervous system, experiences emotional overstrain, fatigue. But at the same time, he shows special mobility and activity.
The transitional age of a child of 7 years is most often associated with the emergence of a new type of activity - study. Yesterday's kindergartner strives to quickly become an adult, go to school. However, he still thinks in images. During this period, it is quite difficult for children to concentrate on one subject for a long time. The brighter the image proposed by the teacher, the easier it is for the child to remember this or that concept.
Signs of crisis 6–7 years
The transitional age in children of 6 years old also manifests itself quite clearly. The main features of this stage of personality formation are:
- disobedience, attemptignore requests and instructions from adults;
- grimacing and mimicking others, most often relatives;
- poorly motivated temper tantrums (screaming, tantrums, throwing toys);
- separation of one's own "I" into internal and public;
- mannering, grimaces, posing anytime and anywhere, copying adult behavior;
- demanding adults to recognize their own "adulthood".
During this period, the child becomes very "uncomfortable". The established relationship “adult-child” is violated, and parents pay attention exclusively to the moment of obedience. Too much effort made in this direction can break the psyche of the child, make him lethargic, weak-willed, develop the habit of thoughtlessly obeying a stronger or adult person.
How to negotiate with the "new" child?
The transitional age in a child of 6-7 years old requires a special approach. Adults need to rethink their parenting approach:
- Allow your child to exercise reasonable independence. Determine the range of duties that he can perform on an equal basis with adults (feed the cat, take out the trash, walk the dog).
- Sometimes remind your child that in some cases he cannot replace mom and dad. Arrange a reverse day. Let the child try to fulfill your duties on his own, and for this time you take his place.
- Negotiate. A child of this age should understand that any promise has value.
- Leave the child the right to have a bad mood. Babyhas the right to be sad, rejoice or even cry if he is bitter and offended.
- Show your child ways to express aggression. You can, for example, hang a punching bag in the house or stock up on a pack of old newspapers that you can crumple and tear in a fit of rage.
- If you can't reach an agreement, use the principle of "soft pressure". In an even and calm voice, repeat the rules of behavior, set the boundaries of what is permitted. For example, the weaker ones should never be beaten, one should not talk to a grandmother like a girlfriend and peer, and it is unacceptable to run across the road. When the situation is not critical, do not insist. Let your child make choices and experience the consequences.
- Talk to children. Tell us that you also had conflicts and difficult periods in your life. Share your experience of getting out of various situations, talk together about what else can be done.
- Give up punishment, psycho-emotional and physical pressure. A child who was often lashed as a child will forever learn that the older and stronger one is right.
The transitional age in children of 12 years old is associated with the onset of puberty, the formation of an adult model of behavior. A teenager begins to analyze information, draw independent conclusions, critically evaluate the actions and words of the people around him. The child is looking for his place in society, consciously accepts or rejects various moral principles.
The transitional age in a childThis age is accompanied by rapid growth, hormonal changes and noticeable physiological changes. All this has a noticeable effect on the psyche of a teenager, making it labile, unbalanced. Hence the emotional outbursts, frequent mood swings.
The icing on the cake is often all sorts of teenage ailments. Bones, muscles, blood vessels simply do not keep up with the overall rapid growth of the body. Hence - frequent dizziness, sweating, hypoxia, fainting, heart palpitations, pain and aches in the joints and muscles. Well, traditional acne on the face does not add optimism at all.
Why is this happening?
Physiological processes, hidden from the eyes of others, cause adolescents a feeling of discomfort, emotional overstrain, anxiety and fatigue. Increased training loads add "pleasant" minutes. When academic performance declines, parents often increase the pressure.
The child often “loses himself”, the old guidelines no longer work, and he still does not understand where to move on. There is a growing sense of confusion, inner anxiety, loss of one's own "I". A teenager's own life experience is still too little to make informed decisions, and a sense of hypertrophied independence prevents seeking advice and help from adults.
These weird teenagers
How can family members understand that a child has a transitional age? What to do? How to help not lose yourself?
It is unlikely that you will not notice the beginning of changes. During this period, yesterday's first-graderchanges very quickly, both physically and emotionally. You can congratulate your family on the start of a teen crisis if:
- The child began to grow rapidly and over the past year has added more than 10 cm.
- Teenager has begun to show secondary sexual characteristics.
- The skin on the face, back or chest "blooms" with acne and pimples.
- Yesterday, a calm and affectionate child begins to show aggression, is rude, rude and argues more often than usual.
- Shy of showing parental attention and affection in front of strangers.
- Becomes incredibly touchy, overreacts to things he didn't notice before.
- Teenager suffers from mood swings, tends to show his personality (nose ring, green hair, pants with holes, etc.).
- Prefers to spend more time with friends than with parents.
- The child is rapidly losing self-esteem. From a self-confident class leader, he can turn into a shy and notorious loner in a few months.
What will "please" boys and girls?
The transitional age in a child is directly related to changes in hormonal activity. This leads to mood swings, depression, aggression, withdrawal, or increased anxiety.
Teenager is trying to win back personal space. Because of this, conflicts often occur, because the child is trying to get out of the custody of adults.
Relationships in the team also begin to heat up. Committed toleadership leads to conflicts between peers. This can lead to antisocial behavior. In an effort to demonstrate their coolness to others, a teenager may join bad company, start smoking and drinking alcohol.
Difficult relationships in the team can lead to the fact that the child will feel like an outcast. He withdraws into himself, becomes gloomy and gloomy. In the company of peers, such a child will experience a constant sense of humiliation.
Great importance is attached to issues of appearance. Both guys and girls are starting to spend more time in the bathroom or in front of the mirror. Previously indifferent to clothes, the child begins to demand super fashionable expensive outfits.
There are problems of the first unrequited love. An unsuccessful first experience with the opposite sex can leave a very strong imprint on the formation of self-esteem and the personality of a teenager as a whole.
How can I help my teen accept himself?
Excessive criticality, often manifested in the expressions of the child, is directed not only at others, but also at himself. Try to explain to the teenager what he is good for. Show his strengths and weaknesses. Celebrate successes, praise and don't get hung up on failures. This will help raise the self-esteem of a boy or girl.
Do not interfere with the child to communicate with peers. Help build relationships within the team. As far as possible, one-on-one, analyze the ongoing conflicts, offer several options for getting out of the situation. Tell us about your experiencesolving teenage problems.
Don't laugh at new hobbies. Want to learn to play the guitar? Steadfastly endure the nightly strumming. Planning to get a nose ring? Discuss this option as well. Do not interfere with the teenager to express himself, otherwise he will stop sharing his thoughts with you. Make it clear that you will love a daughter with red hair as well.
Try to be as calm as possible about the outrageous antics of a teenager. Let him "get over it". Of course, if it does not pose a danger to others and to himself.
Let the grown-up offspring make their own mistakes. Warn him about the possible consequences and give him the opportunity to make his own decision. Of course, before doing this, it is important to make sure that the child's behavior will not lead to critical consequences.
Parents do not always understand how to properly communicate with a child in such a difficult period for him. They simply do not have enough knowledge, endurance or free time. The ideal solution would be to consult a psychologist. This is especially important in these situations:
- the teenager is very tired and even refuses to eat;
- rude to all adults indiscriminately;
- literally demands rather than asks for pocket money;
- demonstrates suicidal tendencies;
- shows noticeable aggression;
- does not make contact, closes in on itself.
Every crisis is a difficult test for both the child and his family. A specialist will help to establish contact and make it easierovercome difficult times. It will be easier for parents to be sensitive, understanding and accept the "new" member of their family.
Pre-school age is of great importance for every parent. It is at this stage that you can reveal hidden pathologies and learn about the features of the development of the baby in the outside world. It is worth talking more about the physical and psychological maturation of the crumbs
Young parents have almost no idea how their baby should develop. In the meantime, they would be interested to know when the child begins to roll over on his side, on his stomach and on his back
Many parents of girls, unfortunately, forget about their childhood and adolescence, and therefore, when their beloved daughter reaches adolescence, they are not at all ready for the changes taking place
Domestic and world experience shows that the number of young patients with various developmental disabilities is steadily increasing. Society as a whole and individual families are destabilizing, in some cases there are no normal economic, hygienic and environmental conditions for mothers and children of different ages. Adverse factors lead to various developmental abnormalities and diseases
When a child starts holding a toy: developmental norms by months, manifestation of new skills, exercises
The newborn is not yet able to control his movements, but already in the third week he willingly follows bright objects with his eyes. And closer to two months, the baby is characterized by waving arms and legs, a little later he is able to consciously take and hold objects in his hands. You need to know when the child begins to hold the toy and how to help him in this difficult task