Now an acquaintance on the Internet, which ended in a happy relationship, or even marriage, will not surprise anyone. But the disadvantage of online communication is that you don’t see the interlocutor in reality and you can’t always understand him correctly. But the undeniable advantage is that all questions can be carefully considered. And so many girls are worried about what questions they can ask a pen pal so as not to scare him away.
Have there been personal meetings
Much depends on whether those who correspond have met in person or not. When you have seen a person at least once, then, reading his messages, it is quite easy to imagine his facial expressions and reaction to something. Therefore, it is easier for such a person to select the right questions. If you have never seen a person, it is very difficult to understand how he actually reacts to certain topics - with sarcasm, irritation or good humor. Messages and letters do not convey all the emotions that can be seen in person.
But even if the person althe meeting was, it is also important how long ago it was. If the meeting was in early childhood, and now people are already over thirty, then this is no longer a completely personal meeting, since then they were completely different people.
Themes raised in the correspondence
Breaking up a slippery topic once, you overcome the barrier, and next time it's easier to do it. In addition, there is already an idea of how the interlocutor will react to this and what his attitude to this topic is. The hardest thing is to raise new topics for the first time, and it is better to do it at the right moment - when the conversation has already flared up and flows smoothly. If tension is felt or the interlocutor is busy with something important, then this is not the best time to ask heated questions. If correspondence is combined with communication by phone, then it is better to talk on such topics first by phone.
What questions to ask a guy
You should try to formulate them in a way that will let you know more about him, but without putting pressure on him and, importantly, not letting him get bored.
Here is an example of what questions to ask a guy via text:
- What did you dream of being as a child?
- How would you spend a big cash prize?
- Do you like to travel and how many places have you been?
- What is the craziest thing you have ever done in your life?
- How did the relationship with the best friend begin?
- What is your favorite writer or director if you don't like reading books?
- Are you a lark or an owl?
- What industry do you work in?
- Do you love your job?
- Do you like walking around your hometown?
It may happen that one of them accidentally reveals unpleasant memories and the person does not want to answer. This is normal, he has the right to do this, you should not put pressure on him. But in general, these questions can be called successful, since from them you can learn a little about the inner world of a person without invading personal space. Questions “what is your favorite color?” or “What is your favorite car brand?” similar to questions from school questionnaires, the answers to them will tell absolutely nothing about the interlocutor.
You need to understand what kind of relationship with this guy. In what direction is the correspondence moving? Perhaps the guy is just interested in communicating with you as a pleasant companion, in a friendly status. Guys tend to be more direct about their intentions than women.
And therefore, usually, if a guy's interest is romantic, then the girl will definitely understand this. He will compliment her and communicate in a similar spirit. But if in doubt, it is better to ask this question directly, men love directness. Asking evasively about whether he is currently in a relationship does not hurt either. The answer to this question can decide the fate of all correspondence and save the time of a girl who was waiting for something more.
If it is nevertheless found out that the guy considers the girl just a pen pal, then she needs to understand for herself whether such communication is interesting and why she needs it. Hoping that he will change his mind is not worth it, guys are not inclined to this.
If herselfthe girl wants to communicate with him as with a girlfriend, but at the same time appreciates his masculine view of the world, it is better to immediately set such a pace. We must immediately try to remove as many barriers as possible and discuss everything in a row. With friends, people are often more frank and natural than with lovers. And sometimes they even share their sexual victories. If there is no resentment in the soul and there was no secret desire to get something more than friendship from this guy, then you should not think that such correspondence is useless. Finding a good friend is sometimes harder than finding love.
What interests you
It's better to ask what you are really interested in. Asking template questions like “what school did you go to?”, “what city were you born in?”, in order to talk at least about something, is boring and ineffective. This information is usually important if a person has become at least somewhat close. You need to ask about what characterizes him as a person specifically at this stage of time. For example, where he works, what he enjoys, how he spends his leisure time and what plans he has for the near future.
When communicating with a person, if there is a desire to get closer to him, it is better to focus not on differences, they will always be, but on common ground, they play the main role in communication.
How not to scare a guy away
So what questions can you ask a pen pal so as not to scare him off once and for all? You can go from the contrary and use those questions that you should never ask. Here are the top 10questions:
- About his past relationships and how many he had.
- Constantly ask him if he is happy with everything in the correspondence.
- About his financial situation, about what real estate and cars he owns, what his salary is.
- How many kids he wants and how soon.
- Relationship with parents.
- About political and religious views.
- Is he ready to support his future wife.
- Who will be more important for him - wife or mother.
- Did he give expensive gifts to his girls.
- If he goes on a trip with his soulmate, then who pays - he or the amount is divided in half.
All questions of a personal nature - what is his weight, height and chronic diseases - also not the best option for the first topics for conversations.
This does not mean that these topics will be banned forever. If the relationship develops and there is a long communication ahead, then the guy himself will tell about everything gradually, and then it will be possible to discuss it completely. But starting an acquaintance by correspondence with such questions is a failure, since the guy may think that he is being selected according to some parameters and they want to use him.
How to Discuss Love
Of course, most online dating is for romantic purposes. If the goals are more mundane, then people are unlikely to burden themselves with conversations. And since the conversation is about each other, it means that the guy is looking for a soul mate.
Therefore, raise this topicit is possible, but very carefully, without delving into personal life, affecting only views. Here are some questions to ask a guy about love:
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- How do you imagine the perfect date?
- Can love last longer than three years?
- What do you think is the basis of true love?
Often, answering such questions in detail, the guy himself begins to be frank and talk about his love experience.
Correspondence with intimate details
Sometimes what questions you can ask a guy you like in a message is nothing compared to what you have the courage to ask him when you meet. Sometimes discussing very intimate details in correspondence is the only chance to discuss them fully. If the correspondence is of a romantic nature, then you can try to discuss sexual preferences. And already at this stage, find out that for one of the opponents there is something unacceptable in sex.
A lot of intimate questions you can ask a guy in correspondence. For example, the following:
- how about sex before marriage;
- how he feels about sex on a first date;
- what kind of sex is acceptable for him;
- does he have sexual fantasies;
- where is sex for him in life.
It's better to start asking them incrementally. It is not worth writing about the number of partners at all, this topic is unpleasant for many.
The more intimate topics discussed during correspondence, the more embarrassing it will befirst meeting. When asking such questions, you need to be aware of this.
A real date can change a lot, but also put a lot in its place. It happens that a person may have an unpleasant voice.
There is a theory that people find attractive those whose smell they were initially pleased with. When meeting by correspondence, these factors do not play any role. And perhaps that is why there are so many disappointments at a personal meeting and annoyed young people who did not imagine each other at all. Even seeing a true photo, without a gram of Photoshop, the mind will still draw the missing factors as it wants.
But nothing can replace the kinship of souls and when you are understood from a half-word, this is always appreciated. And it is quite possible to find out in online correspondence.