According to the prevailing stereotype, a sexually and mentally he althy man is simply obliged to spend most of his time thinking about intimacy with the one he has chosen as his companion. Faced with the opposite situation, women, instead of understanding the true reasons for the coldness of their spouse, sharply fall into self-criticism or attack their loved one with reproaches. Both that, and another in relations is inadmissible and demands the obligatory permission. Why does my husband not want sex, and how to reawaken his interest?
Lack of desire in the nature of relationships
It is very difficult to assess the real sexual state of a man during a period when he is in love, and every touch to the chosen one causes him a storm of emotions. Euphoria, brightness and freshness of sensations, on average, last for young spouses fromone to three years, after which there is a natural decline in sexual sensuality. By this, nature itself, as it were, indicates the need to restructure the model of relations between spouses in favor of socialization and strengthening the cell of society, concentrating forces on raising offspring.
This difficult period of decrease in sexual activity is marked by another characteristic moment - the awakening and activation of subconscious desires, which until now have been under the veil of constantly maintained excitement from the closeness of a partner. If earlier some sharp corners in relationships were smoothed out by the idealization of a loved one and unwillingness to spoil each other's mood, now a person has a need to find out his meaning outside the sphere of the family, the priority of "peace for the sake of peace" at home recedes.
All these manifestations are absolutely normal, but to look at the situation with a “sober” look, a woman is prevented by resentment and a thirst to feel herself in the first place again. "Why doesn't my husband want me?" she asks, and beautiful lingerie, aphrodisiacs and other attempts to return “everything as it was” are used.
To some extent, these are the right decisions and a much better option to come to a mutual understanding than scandals and showdowns. However, wise women will look for the cause of the problem, why the husband does not want to sleep with her, beyond primitive sensuality - in the field of self-affirmation and the external causes of the changed state of a man.
Reason for pregnancy
The wife's pregnancy, even if her onset was desired, is a seriousstress for a man. “Why doesn’t my husband want me during pregnancy?” - women ask, and the answer to this question can be one of the following options:
- Fear of harming your loved one and baby by careless actions during sex.
- Rejection of the new look of the wife due to the deterioration of her appearance.
- Trying to avoid rejection if the woman has repeatedly responded with annoyance to the offer of intimacy.
Most often, the reason why a husband does not want to make love to a pregnant wife is the first situation - the fear of provoking premature birth or hurting her. The fair sex with a low level of libido is often happy with this situation and even begins to artificially stir up the man’s anxieties, but such tactics then go sideways for both spouses.
After some time, the husband ceases to perceive his partner as a woman, and in his understanding, she becomes simply the mother of their common child. The restored he alth of the wife after childbirth does not change anything significant in this matter, since the very essence of intimacy - psychological intimacy - has already disappeared from the relationship. It will be possible to return it only with the help of a family psychologist and only with the mutual desire of both partners.
It is in the power of a woman to prevent the collapse of a marital union due to lack of intimacy, because there are enough safe ways to satisfy a partner's sexual desire without risking pregnancy, for example, using oral sex or the side position.
Baby in the house
Why does the husband not want intimacywith wife after childbirth Despite the seeming absurdity of this statement, psychologically, some men perceive the baby as a rival in the struggle for the attention of the woman they love. This happens when, before the birth, the spouse motherly took care of the missus, looked after him like a child, and with the birth of the baby she shifted all her attention to him.
The habitual concepts of the husband-owner are collapsing, burying sexual desires under them. He ceases to perceive the female body as something that entirely belongs to him, and may even begin to feel disgust for his wife. Especially if you often observe the procedure of breastfeeding. The situation is aggravated by the fact that during the period of postpartum depression, a woman ceases to take care of herself with the same care as before: she does not bother herself with cosmetic manipulations, tries to dress simpler and generally “domesticates”.
Special attention deserves the presence of her husband at birth. The now fashionable direction is completely devoid of a he althy psychological justification. Of course, in the presence of a loved one, a woman feels more secure, but the risk of losing her sexual partner forever in the person of a spouse should outweigh considerations of internal comfort for her.
Mistakes of young parents
"Why doesn't my husband want me after giving birth?" - psychologists hear and see in front of them an exhausted woman with circles under her eyes and a casually dressed woman. “Would you like yourself?” - I want to ask in response, but in response I have to explain common truths that a man withthe appearance of a baby is no easier than a woman, and he also needs the support of the second half. In addition, experiencing the same difficulties with a decrease in sleep time, the inability to eat peacefully, etc., a man is still forced to go to work and carry out labor activities at the same or even faster pace.
Ideally, a child should unite the spouses, make them even more dependent (in a positive sense) on each other and give the relationship a new flavor. Only with the advent of the first-born can a love union be called full-fledged and accomplished, but in reality this fact is more often seen as an obstacle to the manifestation of marital feelings.
Why doesn't a husband want a wife after giving birth? Because she herself, first of all, ceases to feel like a woman and all goes into motherhood. The unenviable role of the eternal petitioner and observer is allocated to the husband, despite the fact that his physiological needs only increase after a long pause of abstinence (sometimes lasting up to 3 months).
Recommendations from psychologists
So, the main reason why a husband does not want intimacy with his wife after the birth of a child is the wrong placement of accents by both young parents to the detriment of sexual relations. Mom strives to give to the baby 24 hours a day, and dad has no choice but to put up with it and gradually reduce the position of his importance in the family.
Psychologists say that problems of lack of time and attention may not arise at all if you follow simple recommendations:
- dad should have multiple responsibilities for taking care ofbaby, for which only he is responsible (buying diapers, changing a diaper before bed, warming up the "evening" bottle of food);
- mum needs to leave the baby with her father for at least 30-40 minutes a day, without interfering in the process of their communication with her comments or advice;
- if young parents have close relatives who are ready to babysit, spouses need to at least occasionally arrange romantic dates or just a joint vacation.
In the first time after the removal of the medical ban on sex, it is better for a woman to take the initiative in bed, because a man is subconsciously afraid of hurting his wife for a long time after giving birth. Occasionally, young mothers are even ready to make sacrifices, allowing their husband before the end of the one and a half month recovery period, but it is recommended to do this only if you feel good and always use lubricants.
Reason - husband's infidelity
"Why doesn't my husband want me? Maybe he has an affair "on the side"?" Another situation: the husband comes home and not only does not try to pester his wife, but, on the contrary, avoids communicating with her in every possible way. Sometimes he even goes to bed in another room, eats alone, tries to be less visible. Unfortunately, almost always the combination of these signs indicates that a man satisfies his sexual needs in the company of his mistress, and this connection has gone so far that there is no longer any need to hide the obvious symptoms of infidelity.
Few wives are capable offorgive adultery, but there can be no other successful solution to this problem. If a woman still loves her husband and is ready to wait until he “works up”, then in 70% of cases, her expectation is rewarded with the complete return of the traitor to the bosom of the family. But what you definitely shouldn’t do is try to “negotiate” with your opponent. Such steps towards the object of love by a man are perceived very aggressively, which significantly reduces the possibility of family reunification later.
Stress and routine
Almost the main reason why a husband does not want to have sex or has ceased to be active in bed is the monotony of the sexual life of the spouses. The phrase that "a man loves to win …" continues: "… and receive a reward for it," so a woman should be careful to sometimes seize the initiative and reward a tired faithful for his daily work feats.
Fatigue can be of a different nature. Sometimes this is the result of strong moral pressure, financial failures or other problems that exhaust a man and take away all his strength. Often this is mixed with a sense of guilt towards his wife for deceived hopes, and a man depressed by all this actually loses the ability to relax.
Psychologists recommend that women in any case - in the absence of sex or in its bored monotony - deviate from the usual patterns and learn to surprise their man. Surprise breeds curiosity, intrigue excites,and if the spouse is also invited to participate in the performance for two, where he will be assigned the role of a passive participant, then he will get great pleasure, even when he is very tired.
Misbehavior of a woman
Another reason why a husband does not want a wife, according to psychologists, is hidden in the unwillingness of sexual relations by the woman herself. It seems to the wife that it is enough for her to look neat, to keep herself and the house in order, in order to by default lock her husband's sexual attention on her person, and when this does not happen, resentment and proceedings follow. “I do not feel the need for intimacy, but I am afraid that the reason why my husband does not want me is his connection on the side,” is what experts sometimes hear.
But men are like children. If they feel that their sexual desires are accepted without reciprocal enthusiasm, or, conversely, that their capabilities lag behind the level of demand, they will prefer to hide and pretend that all this does not concern them. In other words, they get so used to the fact that no matter how hard you try, it will still turn out wrong, that it’s easier for them to completely refuse sex than to act as an excuse all the time.
Approximately the same picture emerges when a spouse frankly manipulates bed life, "rewarding" her husband with sex only when he "deserves". For a man, such “sexual bookkeeping” is a serious blow to pride, which he may not be able to endure. At the same time, the rejection of intimacy is the mildest version of the maleprotest. In a huge number of cases, the husband simply finds himself a more accommodating girlfriend or finds solace in alcohol.
Reason - age-related decline in sexual activity
There can be so many reasons why a husband does not want intimacy that it is unlikely that it will be possible to resolve all doubts without a delicate conversation. However, it is not a fact that a man honestly admits what really worries him, and it is better for a woman to rely on her inner insight and observation.
Age is one of the criteria that should be relied upon when making primary conclusions. After 35 years, a man experiences less need for the frequency of sexual contact, but he can do it better, paying much more attention to satisfying his beloved.
Starting from this period, a man may experience anorgasmia, to which the representatives of the stronger sex react very painfully. If a partner has become less likely to initiate intimate meetings after several cases of lack of ejaculation, then the question of why the husband does not want intimacy can be considered idle - he is simply afraid of another failure.
The duties of a loving wife include alleviating the level of anxiety of a loved one and psychological support in the form of downplaying the problem and exaggerating the value of other merits. It would not be superfluous to say more often compliments addressed to the husband's appearance, his masculinity, sexuality.
Because by the age of 40 a man's whole life is being rebuilt in a quality direction,a good wife (even if she is much younger) will have to accept new conditions and get away from the frequent demands of sex. A good solution for this period will be the revival of the romantic relationship of partners: dates, pleasant trips, trips to the theater.
To stop asking yourself over and over again: “Why doesn’t my husband want me?”, it’s enough, according to experts, to look at yourself once from the outside. Is a woman who requires increased attention of her husband to her person always well-groomed, smells good, is in high spirits? Or does the spouse have to be in perpetual combat readiness, regardless of the quality of the spectacle presented to him?
If you notice that your sex life has become insipid or generally reminds you of yourself less and less, do not ask about the reason why your husband does not want love pleasures, but take care of yourself, sexologists say. A man will definitely notice the result, no matter how the intra-family problem is launched, but there is no need to demand this attention, let alone list all the points of the efforts made aloud. By the way, it is the efforts in this matter that are most important, after which a woman does not have enough time for self-digging and depression, and by default she becomes attractive to a partner.
To regain your sexual attractiveness as if by accident, not for the sake of a man (at least, he should think so), but for the sake of herself means to capture his attention. This is an axiom. And if the family did not reach the point of breaking off relations, and the whole problem was sexual cooling on the part of the partner, one's own reboot is almostwill surely revive the psychological intimacy between the spouses and give the relationship a second chance.