2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21
Any couple, entering into a relationship, believes and hopes that all life will pass like a honeymoon in idyllic and romantic love, without quarrels and bickering. However, this is not the case. Any union sooner or later goes through natural crisis stages or stages of relations. In psychology, there are different interpretations of the stages through which relationships go. The most popular and interesting system is described by M. Targakova and originates from general psychology.
Today, the concept of "7 stages of love" is widely used in practice in the psychology of marriage and family. It is important to note that most pairs go through these stages asynchronously. This phenomenon depends on many factors, such as age or temperament of partners. Basically, it takes at least ten years to complete the entire cycle, especially the last stages of it.
Stages of relationship development
Also very often, psychologists distinguish only 3 stages of relationships: the month of falling in love, the struggle with selfishness, true feelings. In reality, there are more of these stages, but not all of them, for one reason or another, go through all lovers.
"Chemistry of love", or hunger
The stage lasts approximately eighteen months. It is characterized by a languid, exciting expectation of calls and meetings. The first stage of the relationship is accompanied by the production of endorphins, hormones of pleasure by the brain, blocking of stereotypical thinking and negative emotions. Increased activity is observed in the areas of the brain responsible for desire, stimulus, attraction, subordination. Interestingly, when studying this particular stage of relations, scientists revealed an unusual fact. The activity of brain areas in a person in love and similar areas of a drug addict who has taken cocaine look almost identical.
It is very important that the stage of falling in love, or as it is called hunger, does not last more than eighteen (in exceptional cases twenty) months. Otherwise, the body may face nervous and physical exhaustion, up to weight loss.
Psychologists advise not to make any important decisions during this period, as soon the incredible feeling of euphoria may pass, and falling in love will be replaced by satiety.
Saturation
The stage of pacification of feelings and an even, calm attitude towards a partner. Necessarily comes to replace the first stage. The satiety stage begins when living together, whengradually, lovers begin to notice not only the advantages, but also the shortcomings of each other. If there are many shortcomings, and the partners are not ready to change and make concessions, then the relationship ends at this stage.
The satiety stage lasts from two to three months to a year. At this stage of the relationship, men are more vulnerable and emotional than women. They quickly become bored with monotony, they want something new. It is at this stage that thirty percent of men cheat on their partners. Which ultimately leads to the breakup of the relationship. The satiety stage ends when the partners already fully trust each other, i.e. separately go to visit, theaters, museums.
Disgust or rejection
Mandatory stage of a long-term, strong relationship. Lasts from six months to two years. This stage implies two options for the development of the life of lovers:
- Transition to a new level of relationship through the acceptance of partner's shortcomings.
- Breaking up after long quarrels and unsuccessful attempts to remake or change a person for themselves.
For many, this stage turns into a complete disappointment in the chosen one. There is a separate category of people who each time break off relations at the stage of disgust, thinking that everything will be different with a new person. However, reaching the third stage, they are again disappointed in the chosen one and once again set off in search of an ideal relationship. Some couples find a way out of the third stage after violent quarrels to return to the first stage"hunger".
Another constructive option at the stage of disgust is a marriage based on profit, or an economic relationship. Stages of economic relations arise in the complete absence of love, mutual respect, empathy. Such an alliance is based on some kind of benefit: common children, home, life. The only correct way to end the stage of disgust is the birth of love.
Patience
The stage of the relationship crisis, at which many couples turn to a psychologist for advice, begin to read special literature, attend various trainings or seminars. Very often the fourth stage coincides with the crisis of the third year of marriage. Relationships become more everyday, the former ardor and passion disappear. If a child appears, then the woman pays almost all attention to him.
Priorities are changing, new joint goals appear, now these are children, joint life, property. Passion fades into the background. There is tolerance for one's neighbor, acceptance of him as he is. Quarrels are no longer so significant, the couple more and more often comes to a common compromise instead of disagreements. At the stage of family relationships, there is understanding, patience, the realization that you need to change yourself, adapts to your partner, since a break at this stage can cause a divorce.
Service, or the first stage of love
At the initial stage of a relationship, it may seem to lovers that they are already in love, as they are ready to do something with disinterested joy for their partner at any time. However, as soon asthe “cloud” of endorphins will dissipate and a person will begin to be guided by his true beliefs, the so-called love and a disinterested desire to satisfy the needs of a partner will disappear. It is at this stage of the relationship that the other person is perceived not as a source of pleasure, but as an object of service and worship.
The stage of service may last up to three or four years, or it may not come at all. It is at the end of the fifth stage that respect for a partner and the transition to true friendship are born.
Respect and true friendship
The stage of heart-to-heart conversations. At this stage, the partners become the closest friends. Restraint goes away, it is replaced by an exchange of thoughts, genuine feelings and emotions. The couple jointly overcomes all life's trials, supports each other. Quarrels and disagreements fade into the background and practically do not arise. The stage of respect depends directly on the previous stage, that is, on service. The True Friendship Stage lasts three to six years.
Interestingly, this is the only stage that may not be replaced by the seventh stage, but coexist with it.
Love
Most unions between a man and a woman die after the third stage, while love begins to emerge only at the fifth stage. This is a long-awaited reward for those who patiently went through all the stages of a relationship, caring and respecting each other. At this level, the couple understands each other without words. It is noteworthy that the stage of love often coincides with the time whenthe children have already grown up and the couple can shine all the time only for themselves, they can even return to the first stage of the “love chemistry” relationship with all its passion, dedication, awe and excitement.
Love is a reward, and it is to this stage of a relationship between a man and a woman that you need to go long and painstakingly, not only accepting the partner’s shortcomings, but also changing yourself.
Result
Considering the stages of development of relationships, we can conclude that the process of relationships itself plays a significant role not only for a man and a woman, but also for their children. Some couples are unique in that their relationship stages occur at the same time or have characteristics of several stages at once.
At the second and third stages, it is important not to allow hard, aggressive and physical attacks from the partner during quarrels. The existence of cruelty in a couple cannot contribute to the creation of a strong union and the acquisition of love. To avoid a breakup or divorce at the stage of raising children, it is important to find time for solitude, doing things together, walking. Otherwise, when the children leave the house, it may turn out that a stranger is nearby, and not a loved one.
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