Resentment against her husband: advice from psychologists on how to forgive, forget and survive resentment

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

“Lovely scold - only amuse” - this saying does not always indicate that in a relationship any quarrel is insignificant and easily eliminated. Sometimes one conflict can destroy a marriage, or lead to heartfelt resentment and long games of Silence. In this article, we will tell you how to overcome resentment against your husband, how to forgive or take revenge on him.

Preamble

It's actually easier to prevent a quarrel with your husband than to think about how to survive this difficult conflict. Introduce one important rule into your family: in no case should relatives be involved in disagreements and any mention of them. It is hard to imagine a more serious reason for the conflict than “but your mom is bothering us” or “your dad is lazy and worthless, like you.”

How do you react if someone says something bad about your relatives, even if it's true? Definitely in this way you can drive a person out of himself. The main rule: parents are not chosen, they are not discussed. Accept it to eliminate the bignumber of quarrels.

Never involve children in conflict

Before you overcome a strong resentment against your husband, it is important to understand how to prevent countless quarrels. Any conflict should be immediately stopped if the child appears on the threshold. Think about his fragile psyche, so you should not involve him in solving your problems. If only because any extra word spoken to each other can hurt the feelings of children and change their attitude towards parents.

If you want to say something rude and mean, mentally count to ten. Perhaps the desire to quarrel will disappear. Do not provoke your soulmate to a conflict. Who will benefit from this? One way or another, everyone will have their own opinion, so is it worth it to violate the emotional state of a partner?

No vengeance

Many women are desperate to learn how to get back at their husbands. Never make your spouse out of spite, even if he mortally offended you. Don't try to hurt his sore spot by bringing old fights or negative situations into the conversation. It is possible that if you do not take advantage of rancor, then your marriage will be saved, but as soon as offensive words are uttered in response or a hurtful act is committed, then there will be very little chance of a good life together.

Never take revenge, and if you promised to forgive your husband, then do not remind about quarrels after a while.

Basic rule

If you do not know how to overcome resentment against your husband, then use this advice. If the cause of the conflict was not treasonspouse, but only in some wrong actions and spoken words, then it is necessary to conduct a preventive conversation.

In most cases, partners in a relationship take offense at the rudeness that was uttered in their address. Explain to your spouse what it was that got you hooked.

There is a golden rule: if nothing helps to cope with the desire to quarrel, then do it, but only without humiliation and insults. Everyone swears, you can't do without it. Each person has his own emotions, experiences, views on life. And even people who love each other can have hundreds of differences and differences of opinion.

How to survive conflict?

Resentment against your husband can destroy your marriage and relationships in general. But if after a quarrel there is a strong residue, then look at your partner. Do you really want to continue living with this person under one roof, one family? If the answer is yes, then you need to start working to restore the relationship.

Assault

Most women who are humiliated and insulted by their husbands do not want to end their marriage. But if a man once dared to raise his hand to his beloved during an ordinary quarrel, then there can be no question of any restoration of relations. However, it is important to understand that the stronger sex is the same people as women who have emotions, feelings and the limit of patience. If a girl starts beating her man, provoking him into a fight, then at that moment she turns from a spouse or girlfriend into a sparring partner. However, nothingdoes not justify the guy who was able to return blow for blow. Even if the blame for the provocation lies entirely with the woman.

In this case, only the immediate termination of the relationship can help to survive resentment against her husband.

Serious quarrel

After a conflict, you need to talk to your spouse - a popular advice from psychologists. Resentment against your husband will torment you if you don’t dot all the “i” in time. Remember that this is not about a simple domestic conflict, but about a serious quarrel leading to the breakdown of marriage.

If you understand that a man is really ready to listen to you and change, then talking in this case will be the best medicine against resentment. But before expressing your dissatisfaction with your partner, it is best to write them on a piece of paper and then read them several times.

This method allows you to “pour out your soul” and not be afraid that someone will find out the truth of your family life. It will become much easier for you as soon as you speak out on paper. Sometimes, after reading what is written, quarrels and resentments seem not so terrible and deadly. Sometimes girls simply burn a list of complaints and prefer not to talk to their husband on this topic, forgetting and forgiving everything.

As a rule, grievances expressed to the husband can be unjustified and exaggerated. Therefore, before you go to sort things out, it is recommended to clearly know what your partner's fault is - concrete, and not far-fetched.

Go to reconciliation

“Yesterday I had a fight with my husband. He told me a lot of nasty things, however, as I told him. Now I'm resentfulon the husband. What to do? Is it worth it to compromise, or should we wait for an apology from him?”, - it is important to understand that not all women are ready to accept the situation as it really is.

Even if you imagine that your spouse really offended you, then you need to give him time to think about the whole situation. Of course, resentment against a husband can be much stronger than the ability to be patient and wait a few hours or days.

First let your spouse come up first to apologize and repent. When he takes the first step towards reconciliation, then never show him your character. Your husband found the strength to step on the neck of pride. Remember that only a strong person can forgive, so learn this ancient art.

It can be very difficult to step over your "I" - but one day you will realize how much easier it is to live without your pride and selfishness. Let the pronoun “we” often sound in your family, and then the number of quarrels will decrease.

If your spouse did not dare to approach first, but you want to make peace, you will have to act independently - decisively and without hesitation. In most everyday quarrels, both are always to blame - one, because he could not control himself, and the other, because he is not able to get away from the conflict and remain silent when necessary. Approach your husband and offer to have a serious talk. Explain what offended and offended you in exchange for revelations from him. Let the spouse speak out where you made a mistake. When all dots over "i" areplaced, it is necessary to take a common solution to the conflict.

What about cheating?

Betrayal is extremely difficult to forgive, and sometimes impossible. Cheating always entails, if not divorce, then cohabitation, but for the sake of children, a common loan, a mortgage, or old parents who may not survive the breakup. In this case, many women are wondering how to forgive their husband for insult and betrayal?

• Firstly, every girl wants to be guaranteed that her husband will never cheat on her again - either physically or mentally.
• Secondly, it is important to learn to trust your man. This advice applies to those women who agreed to forgive infidelity, but for many months, or even years, they are reproached for his mistake, they are released to work with pain and stress.

If you accepted your spouse, agreed never to be reminded of betrayal, then that's the way it should be. If you cannot overcome your resentment towards your husband, then sooner or later you will become the culprit of a divorce. And this despite the fact that once upon a time the spouse hurt you by cheating.

Imagine if you could live with this man under the same roof, knowing that one day he preferred another woman instead of you? If it will be difficult to get used to this idea, then it is better not to agree to the restoration of the marriage. So you will think of only one thing - how to take revenge on your husband for the offense.

But cheating in return will not bring you satisfaction. On the contrary, you will feel even worse - humiliated and low.

Learn to forgive

Not all women know how to deal with resentment towards their husband. Psychology, along with religion and philosophy, teaches people to forgive. Resentment after spoken words, quarrels or conflicts makes you vulnerable and weak. You waste precious time in pointless showdowns, and then endlessly reflecting on what was said or done during conflicts. Of course, if a quarrel escalated into a fight or moral violence, then it is best to delete such a person from your life.

Domestic conflicts are easily resolved, especially if you understand that most of them are born because of financial difficulties, parental responsibilities, illness or high expectations. Marriage is where two people are willing to support each other and grow together. Don't let your pride, your emotions, or your lack of control over your temper ruin your relationship. Learn to forgive, even if it means stepping over your self to do so.

Don't get hung up

The resentment that sits inside you can become destructive, where one spark will lead to a huge explosion. Even if your husband insulted or humiliated you, said or did something very unpleasant, then do not let your emotions take over.

Imagine a situation where you said a few words to your husband about the offense, he apologized, and the relationship returned to normal. But something in the depths continues to torment and torment you, forcing you to return to that conflict situation every day. Soon these feelings will develop into something more, turning a self-confident woman into an obsessed and emotionally unbalanced woman.personality. Any trifle will be accompanied by quarrels and another “Do you remember the last time you said/did?”

Where to get away from thoughts

The best way to deal with trauma is work. And not necessarily mediocre, where you need to go 5 days a week. By work, you can mean any activity - hobbies, sports, travel and shopping.

Occupy your mind and body with something, take your mind off your own all-consuming thoughts, to regain confidence in your relationship and not dwell on resentment. By constantly thinking about negative things, you attract only negative events into your life.

Review how serious your grievances are. Will you be able to live with them in the future? Why did you decide to forgive your husband? Can you accept his apology in the future? Have you embellished the situation? Do you want to be pitied after a fight? Do you have a habit of looking for those responsible for any conflicts?

Answering these questions can help you understand the importance and gravity of your grievances. If you understand that the situation is not worth wasting your life energy, then is it necessary to remember and dwell on conflicts from the past?

There are no perfect people

Everyone has the right to make mistakes. You probably also once allowed your emotions to take over - offended loved ones, hurt them. Someone still holds a grudge against you, but the rest have forgiven and forgotten all old grievances.

If your husband made a mistake, then give him the opportunity to correct everything. Don't presentact as if you are the only person in the world who has been hurt or at least unpleasant. If all conflicts and quarrels are not systematic, however, like insults, then let your spouse apologize, draw a conclusion, remove life experience from the situation and try to never repeat the same mistake again.

This rule should be supported by women who sooner or later are able to say a couple of rude words or provoke a partner into a conflict. When you learn to forgive and forget all negativity, you will eventually become a more balanced, kind person who is surrounded by people who are ready to accept apologies and not be reminded of quarrels.

In closing

If you want to live happily in marriage, then learn to control your emotions, be ready for constant learning within the family, gaining new experience. But the most important thing in a relationship is the ability to forget grievances and not let them settle in your mind. In the best case, you will find regular conflicts and disagreements in the family, and in the worst case, an unpleasant aftertaste from regular quarrels, an undermined emotional state, a ruined marriage.

Remember that resentment can never change the person who hurt you. This feeling will break, destroy only you from within. If the spouse has realized the guilt and is ready to change over time, then give him a second chance, but release all negative thoughts from the mind and heart, get rid of rancor, learn to forgive and be tolerant in order to restore the old relationship.