Guest marriage: definition, pros and cons, the opinion of the church and psychologists

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Family - usually with this word, in the mind's eye of most people, idealistic pictures of a cozy home flash, where the smells of fresh pastries hover, children peacefully sniffing in their beds and two adults hugging on the sofa talking about the day they lived. However, in reality, marital relations are not always portrayed as peaceful. And in many cases, they turn into a real bondage for two people who once loved each other.

In the modern world, there has long been a trend of growing divorces. Fewer and fewer couples manage to maintain their relationship and go through the entire life path together. Many believe that traditional marriage, as we understand and perceive it, has already lost its relevance today, and the future of mankind is completely different. Their essence well reflects such a concept as "guest marriage". Not everyone understands its features, pros and cons. Therefore, in the article we will consider the concept of a guest marriage, the attitude of society towards it and possibleconsequences of living like this.

The institution of marriage: a relic of the past or a look into the future?

For many centuries, the marriage of a man and a woman has been the basis of any society. Regardless of religion and traditions, couples in love sought to reunite and build their lives together. Such relationships could be considered mutually beneficial. After all, the man received a reliable rear, a comfortable home and he althy children. And the woman, in turn, acquired a protector and support that she could not provide for herself. It seemed that these canons are unshakable, and other forms of marriage simply cannot exist. Today, however, many are seeing a clear crisis in the traditional system of relationships, and the twentieth century is to blame for this, which has significantly changed social foundations and the roles of masculine and feminine principles.

If earlier a girl saw her future after studying at school and college in a successful marriage, today quite broad prospects open before her. Women successfully make their careers, go in for sports, travel, build a business and sometimes earn much more than their potential husbands. Men, in turn, also do not seek to tie the knot. They have a huge choice of sexual partners, and many of these connections do not oblige them to absolutely anything. Representatives of the strong half of humanity understand that there is no need to spend their time and money on a wife when there are so many temptations and opportunities to spend time interestingly. In this regard, people are increasingly getting divorced and in the future do not want to createnew families.

Sociologists believe that traditional values are strongest in Islamic society, where the distributed roles of men and women are still no different from times thousands of years behind us. But European society is increasingly leaning towards relationships of a different kind.

To date, 6 types of marriage bonds are known in society, each of which has the right to exist. We will talk about them in the next section in more detail.

Forms of marriage

The most famous and recognized worldwide form is the traditional marriage. It implies the official registration of the relationship of two lovers, their agreement to run a common household, joint upbringing of children and equal responsibility for everything that happens in the family. Most often, in such a relationship, a couple has a common budget, which both spouses manage at their discretion.

Trial marriage today is quite a lot of families. Usually we call it civilian, and it is not officially recognized by the state. Lovers live in the same living space, run a common household, make purchases, and can even have children. However, in the eyes of the law, they are not husband and wife. Initially, this form of relationship arose in order to test each other and in the future had to develop into a traditional marriage. Unfortunately, couples often break up after several years of living together and never reach the registry office.

Seasonal marriage in our country is unknown. A similar form is common in the countries of the East, when relations are officially registered for a certain period of time. During this period, the couple is considered husband and wife. But after the expiration of the specified period, the marriage goes into the category of terminated. However, spouses can extend their relationship for another time interval at their mutual request.

Communal marriage - better known by the term "Swedish family". It has nothing to do with the official form of marriage and is not recognized by the state. Usually several men and women live in a communal marriage, they share a common life, its joys and problems. Everyone makes their own contribution to the material maintenance of the family, and the children born into the world are considered common, since group intimate relationships are practiced in such unions.

Open marriage can be considered a form of traditional marriage. Psychologists and sociologists believe that it can form at some stage in a couple's life and not take root, or it can be the original foundation of their relationship. In such a couple, it is not customary to hide betrayal from each other. Spouses live together, raise common children, share life and have certain obligations. However, they have the right to have affairs on the side and do not make any claims about this to their other halves.

And finally, the guest marriage. This family model is very popular in Europe and is gradually becoming more and more interesting for young Russians. However, many do not see the difference between fictitious or guest marriage, and often confuse it with an open relationship. What is the difference? We will talk about all the features of such relations further.

The concept of a guest union

If you are interested in a guest marriage as a form of your possible family with a partner, then keep in mind that this term means an officially registered union with a stamp in your passport. At the same time, spouses live in different territories most of the time, they are not burdened with running a common household and solving problems. In this case, the budget for the couple is most often separate, but if there are children, this rule can be changed. A man takes on most of the expenses for his wife and child, but at the same time remains to live in another territory.

Keep in mind that cheating is not acceptable in a guest marriage, as spouses sincerely love each other. They themselves make a certain schedule of meetings, based on their own interests. It can be weekend dates, meetings once a month, or a joint vacation every six months. In any case, the relationship is fueled by love and sincere interest in the affairs of the partner.

In Europe, a large percentage of the population lives in a guest marriage, and many consider this form the most convenient for modern society. Moreover, science fiction writers perceive it as the only correct and possible model of future relations, which does not limit lovers in any way, but allows them to be an official family in the eyes of society.

Reasons for forming a guest union

What does a guest marriage mean, our reader already understands. But it should be borne in mind that this form of relationship can come at any stage of married life. Some couples initiallyagree on such a union, others live so forcedly for certain reasons and then return to a traditional family, and for others such a marriage is the only way to save love and stay together. Therefore, there can be quite a few reasons for arranging a guest marriage, but we will list only the most basic and common ones:

• Life situation. Often, families face serious financial difficulties, when a decent income can only be obtained away from home. In this regard, the couple decides on a rotational work method. Most often, a man leaves to work for several months, and then returns home to spend a couple of weeks or a month with his family. Then the head of the family leaves again to work. In this mode, lovers can exist for a limited period of time or even a lifetime.
• Fear of domestic difficulties. Modern and independent people are very hard on the appearance of another person on their territory. Even a very beloved and dear partner can literally destroy an established life and bring significant discomfort. Therefore, a couple who registered a marriage prefers to live in different territories in order to maintain love and not destroy relationships about domestic problems.
• Parent example. What kind of relationship is this - a guest marriage, children can learn from their parents. If they were brought up in such a family, then they consider such a union to be quite normal. Therefore, in most cases, they tend to build their relationships according to a familiar model.
• Experiment. After few yearsmarriage, spouses may notice a cooling of feelings and feel a craving for experimentation. In this regard, they agree on a guest alliance to turn every meeting into a holiday.

The above experiment can lead to anything. It's hard to completely ignore the pros and cons of guest marriage. Some couples, having experienced a spiritual uplift, return to a traditional family, while others remain in such a union and feel absolutely happy.

Types of guest unions

Each couple decides how to regulate their relationship. This process should not be influenced by the opinion of society, the advice of friends and acquaintances, as well as the data of sociological surveys. Moreover, guest marriage is a topic that causes a diametrically opposite assessment in society. Varieties of such a union are determined by the frequency of meetings of the spouses. Based on this, psychologists distinguish the following types:

• One day vacation. Through the eyes of a family psychologist, a guest marriage of this type cannot be fully classified as a guest marriage. The fact is that the couple constantly lives together and only part for one or two days to be alone and relax. During these days, the spouses meet with friends, go to theaters or cinema, or simply relax at home. Usually this time is enough to miss each other and understand the impossibility of a separate existence. However, the couple still continues to practice short-term separations.
• Split weekend. This option is a bit similar to the previous one, but in itthe spouses have long decided that they spend the weekend separately. This practice raises no questions. In addition, both have equal rights and have a great time apart.
• Meetings while on vacation. Spouses in such a relationship can live not only in different houses, but also in cities, as well as countries. At the same time, they prefer to meet only during a joint vacation, turning it into a romantic fairy tale. Most often, a vacation is carefully planned, a beautiful hotel is chosen for it, and the itinerary often includes visiting different countries. But this option is possible only if the financial condition of the spouses is good. Otherwise, they just spend their holidays in neutral territory, not allowing meetings in their apartment or house.
• Long-term breakups. This is the most difficult variant of a guest marriage for psychologists. In it, spouses, due to their desire or life circumstances, spend most of their time apart. They meet 1-2 times a year, which in the general sense can hardly be called a family. However, the couple continues to maintain a relationship, raises children and loves each other. Family psychologists believe that with such a long separation, the union is threatened with betrayal and even the emergence of parallel families.

In fact, there are many more varieties of guest marriage than we have listed. After all, the presence and absence of children also affects how the spouses will schedule meetings. Therefore, couples often depart from the classic options in favor of their own.

Psychologists about guestunions

Family relations experts have different views on guest marriages, but usually they consider them just a transitional stage in the relationship of spouses. At the same time, psychologists recognize that for a certain period of time such a union can literally become a salvation for lovers. However, they still face the choice of a further model of relations, moving away from constant parting. In psychology, types of people and options for situations in which a guest marriage is simply irreplaceable are highlighted:

• couples who absolutely cannot stand each other in everyday life, but experience sincere love;
• careerists who do not want to change their lifestyle and lose a profitable job in another city;
• men and women who already have a negative experience of classical marriage;
• selfish, not accustomed to adapt to a partner even in small things;
• creative people who spend a lot of time on the road and need personal time;
• romantics who prefer not to mix life and feelings, wanting to maximize the freshness of emotions.

Despite the fact that guest marriage is becoming more common, psychologists believe that it cannot be considered as a family model, as it combines immature personalities who deny taking responsibility for another person.

Opinion of the Orthodox Church

How does the church feel about guest marriage? Definitely negative. Priests do not encourage such a model of relations, referring to texts from the Bible. It says that husband and wife should be one, which meansseparation and lack of responsibility for each other cannot be the foundation of a strong Orthodox family.

Guest marriage: pros and cons

Young couples without children and adults who have already built their lives are ready to list the many advantages of guest unions. And we have to admit, they still cannot but attract attention:

• independence;
• no strangling duties;
• exclusion of domestic quarrels;
• meeting at a convenient time for both;
• keep feeling sharp;
• spending time together is associated only with pleasant moments.

However, such unions have no less drawbacks, so they should be voiced:

• the emergence of misunderstandings when one partner needs support, is sick or is simply upset and needs attention;
• stormy emotions can burn out very quickly, and nothing new will come to replace them;
• distance inevitably chills feelings as the couple is deprived of the real warmth of a traditional relationship;
• appearance of jealousy;
• minimal emotional attachment to each other.

Often children appear in guest unions, and here newly-made dads and moms have to rebuild their relationship a bit. Some come to a traditional family, while others prefer to focus on the next pluses of a guest marriage:

• a parent raising a baby can give him more time and attention;
• the second parent, coming home, willspend quality time with your offspring;
• the baby will grow up in the absence of quarrels and parental conflicts;
• Children always watch happy and contented parents.

It is noteworthy that with the birth of a child, the next disadvantages of a guest marriage are revealed:

• all responsibility for children falls on the shoulders of one of the parents;
• over time, there is a lack of communication with the absent parent;
• the child does not perceive the coming father or mother as part of his life;
• lack of family feeling;
• the child learns the wrong model of relationships and in the future cannot correctly distribute male and female roles.

Of course, everyone chooses whether to try to live a guest marriage. After all, in many situations it becomes just a stage. However, sometimes its consequences can be quite sad.

How does the guest union end?

Few people think about the consequences of a guest marriage, and they do not always, unfortunately, look as rosy as imagined. Often the result of such a relationship is treason. It happens even in couples that love each other very much. After all, an adult man and woman need a full-fledged sex life, which is impossible with short meetings. Therefore, one of the couple may eventually succumb to the temptation of a fleeting connection.

Financial claims are also faced sooner or later by many couples living in a guest marriage. Especially when they havehave children in common. Spouses begin to discuss each other's contribution to the maintenance of the child and the family as a whole. Often they do not agree, and the dialogue ends with a complete rejection of the position of the other side.

Divorce in the case of guest unions is far from uncommon. The fact is that living together gives spouses a lot of strength and opportunities to overcome different life situations. After the end of a romantic relationship, partners learn to care for each other, help and love, no matter what. And the guest marriage seems to get stuck at a certain stage, so nothing will replace romance in the future. This will be the ruin of marriage.

Instead of a conclusion

The personal life of a person is the area in which everyone is free to set their own rules. However, it is worth remembering that any family is built primarily on constant joint stay, solving problems, overcoming difficulties and raising children. A guest marriage deprives the union of these important things that can become the foundation of a real and strong relationship, and therefore the key to a happy future.