How not to spoil a child: recommendations for parents

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

It's easy for a loving parent to inadvertently spoil a child. You can approach pregnancy with full responsibility, thoroughly prepare for motherhood and fatherhood, but after the appearance of the long-awaited child, for some reason all the advice and rules read in numerous books are forgotten.

Recommendations for parents, various strategies for the proper upbringing and development of children today are provided in any available information sources. But it often happens that parents do not recognize the problem in their family for a long time. When a child's spoiledness becomes obvious, it can be very problematic to change the situation and apply other features of education.

Typical mistakes in parenting

Not a single adequate parent would want to spoil the future life of the baby with his upbringing. Everyone wants only the best for their child, and this statement is undeniably true. It would seem, how can you harm a little man with your love and care? But it turns out that you can.

Most oftenthe problem of spoilage occurs in a family where one child is brought up. And if he is also desired and long-awaited, then the entire family retinue in the face of mom, dad, grandmothers, aunts and other relatives want to show their joy in any way.

Naturally, all the attention and care after birth now belongs only to the newly-made family member. And at first glance, this state of affairs is quite normal and natural, because a small child, like no one else, needs care and guardianship. The problem arises when the baby grows up, and the halo of fanatical love and care around him does not dissipate.

Reasons why parents spoil their child

It is unlikely that someone intentionally wants to spoil a child and get a capricious, hysterical and naughty creature instead of an obedient and sweet baby. Naturally, the peculiarities of upbringing and their own specifics exist in every family. But at the same time, there are several main reasons why children in families are spoiled by their parents:

• It seems to us that with age, the child will still have time to face life's problems, difficulties and troubles. Sooner or later, the world around will show the child its cruelty. That is why you often want to delay this moment of growing up and let the baby enjoy childhood, joy and carelessness.



• Sometimes there is not enough patience, endurance and time to wait until the child does something himself: put away his toys, get dressed, get ready or eat. It's easier for parents to do it for him,saving you time and nerves. But in this way, the little man is deprived of the opportunity to do something on his own and gets used to the fact that others do everything for him.
• Blind love for your offspring dictates the desire to give him all the best. We want the child to have the best things, food and toys in childhood. Such desires are understandable, but adequate care and desire to please and fanatical worship of one's child have very thin edges.

Atonement with gifts

Another reason can lead to such giving away with numerous sweets, toys and expensive things. For example, if parents are almost always on the road or simply absent from home due to eternal employment at work. Or in the case when the parents separated, and one of them no longer lives with the child. When a frequently absent adult feels guilty, he tries to make amends with a variety of gifts. Compensating for their absence in this way, parents instill in their child the royal habit of “receiving gifts.”

Another reason that a child can be spoiled in a family is children's grievances and complexes of parents. If we ourselves were deprived of attention, care, love and toys in childhood, then, of course, we are trying to do everything so that our child does not know these bitter grievances.

Spoiledness is a personality problem in the future

The term "spoiled" itself means a person who is used to the fulfillment of all his desires and whims. A child who from childhoodprotected from any problems and worries, growing up, begins to face many problems. He turns out to be unsuitable for adult and independent life.

Since a person spoiled from childhood is not used to achieving his goals himself, in adulthood he may not be ready for the fact that no one decides anything for him. Not getting what he wants, such a person may fall into a state of frustration and take a passive wait-and-see attitude, that is, wait for everything to somehow be resolved by itself.

Also, such a person will not understand why the people around him in adult life do not constantly admire and praise him. From the fact that now no one considers him the most intelligent, beautiful and talented, a person can be in a state of constant disappointment. Unfortunately, with such an attitude and perception, it will be extremely difficult to arrange your life successfully.

The main signs that mistakes were made in raising a child

What to do if acquaintances, relatives or friends say that you have a very spoiled child, but at the same time you do not see a global problem in the behavior of the baby? Every mother will always justify her beloved child, believing that at least occasionally, but any child has the right to whims, disobedience and even hysteria.

In order to understand if there is a real problem, you need to look at several signs that confirm that children are spoiled by their parents:

• In order for a child to do something, he constantly has to be persuaded.
• The little whim insistently demands constant submission. This applies to parents, relatives, caregivers and other children. The kid refuses to listen to anyone and wants it to always be as he said.
• A very spoiled child almost always refuses to clean up after himself, including scattered toys. At the same time, the favorite of the family stubbornly and categorically stands its ground. Making him comply without hysteria is almost impossible.
• The child does not understand the meaning of the word "no", does not accept refusals and achieves his goal by any means.
• He has no respect for other people's feelings.
• The child often puts parents in uncomfortable situations, including in public. The presence of strangers in no way bothers or worries him.
• A child cannot be alone even for a short time. He demands constant attention to his person and attracts him by any means available.
• The first signs of greed begin to show. He categorically refuses to share toys, sweets and other things with someone. The child is sure that everything in this world belongs only to him.
• Frequent tantrums, during which emotions such as aggression towards others, including the closest people, are manifested.

Hysteria is the main method of child manipulation

Quite often, the problems of upbringing become apparent when a spoiled child gets used to getting his tantrums. This is one of the most common ways to manipulate adults. Sometimes a tantrum can happen andunconsciously, because a small child, unlike adults, does not know how to control his emotions. It is quite easy to distinguish a real hysteria from a simple whim.

With a normal whim, a child can get upset, offended or cry quietly. Hysteria is accompanied by rampage, uncontrollable crying, children can fall to the floor, squeal, stomp their feet, and sometimes even beat adults.

How to behave properly

Problems of upbringing become obvious if your child has started to use such manipulations. Of course, it will be painful for any parent to look at such a state of the baby, and his child will be very sorry. But giving in in such a situation means making it clear that hysteria works. If, after such behavior, the child achieves what he wants, consider that now you are doomed to constant tantrums.

How to soothe a baby

The culture of parenting should be present from an early age. Let the child know that this behavior will not lead to anything. If the tantrum starts at home, just leave the child alone in the room and explain that you will continue talking to him only after he has calmed down.

Temperature outside the home - what to do?

The situation is much more complicated when the tantrum starts in a public place. Many parents get lost and become embarrassed by others. At such a moment, they agree to give in to the little hysteric, if only he calms down as soon as possible. Such behavior is unacceptable and is the most direct way to spoil the child even more.more.

If such a trouble happened in a store, cafe or on the street, just move away from the child a little so that he understands that no one is watching his tantrum. Of course, the distance should be such that the parent can watch his child, but the child must understand that his concert was left without spectators. You will be surprised how quickly the little tyrant can pull himself together.

Advice for parents

Proper early education of a child will help to avoid numerous problems in the future. To help develop competent tactics, especially if one child grows up in a family, you can heed the advice of teachers and psychologists:

• Some rules should be set in the house, and the child should be aware that their implementation is mandatory (for example, cartoons are watched no more than an hour a day, toys are always removed after the game).
• Elders must be firm in their decisions. It is absolutely impossible to forbid something to a child, and then allow it once.
• Do not indulge the whims and desires of children if they are not really justified. Let them know that there is a measure for everything. In cases where the child insistently asks for something, ask why he needs it. If the baby will be able to prove to you that he needs it, in this case, give or buy. If it's just a whim, explain to the baby that what he wants is not an urgent need.
• A child should have his most simple and primitive household chores, such asmake your bed or dust your room. Don't let other adults do it for him.
• Never indulge a child's tantrum.

Unity in the family is the key to proper education

Both parents must adhere to the same principles and tactics of education. If grandparents and other relatives are present, they must fully support their parents. If one family member forbids something, the other should not allow it in any case.

All family members should clearly understand that it is undoubtedly necessary to love and feel sorry for the baby. But if you spoil him in childhood, then such upbringing will not help him in the future. In adult life, such a child will have to face many difficulties for which he will not be ready.