Fell in love with a colleague: how to cope, advice from psychologists

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

What to do if you fell in love with a colleague? In the policy of some companies there is a strict ban on office romances: such informal relationships between employees often affect the work, and not to say that in the best way. The presence of mutual sympathy makes it difficult to objectively evaluate the performance of one employee by another: people who are in an intimate relationship more often cover up all the shortcomings of each other. In the event that the union collapses, the matter is repeatedly complicated by mutual claims, which, one way or another, will affect the efficiency of the employee. As a rule, office romances end with the dismissal of one of the parties.

But what if there is already love? Is it worth giving this relationship a chance? Or try to deal with the feeling and keep your head cool?

Office romance: is the game worth the candle

So, a male colleague fell in love with you. And you feel the same way about him. But is the game worth the candle? Here are the arguments against an office romance:

• The company is always against it: serious companies write it down in the documents and take the employee's signature. Is this man worth the potential job loss?
• The novel will be in full view of the whole team. Don't think you can keep it a secret.
• After you break up, you will have to work together with your ex-lover and see him every day. Are you ready for this?
• Breakups are not always painless for all parties. Sometimes this process is very stormy, with mutual accusations, quarrels and loud showdowns. Do you need military action at work?

On the other side of the scale are potential long-term and deep relationships that may lead to marriage. Or a light pleasant affair.

So worth it or not? In fact, everything is possible, especially if both parties understand and accept the rules of the game: in any case, maintain good relations and not pull out your feelings for review by colleagues. Whether it succeeds or not is another matter.

How to please a colleague?

So you fell in love with a work colleague. What to do in such a situation? If there are no obstacles in order to enter into a relationship with him or her, then you should try to please the object of your sympathy:

• Start to look after your appearance: lose a couple of pounds, go to the hairdresser, update your wardrobe, etc.
• It's always nice to smell - today the smell of good expensive perfume acts on the opposite sex like pheromones. And be sure to controlfresh breath throughout the working day.
• Work like a real pro - confidently, without exchanging hours for empty office conversations. Everyone loves skilled professionals!
• Build relationships with all co-workers, often smile and joke. A good sense of humor will help attract the object of sympathy.
• Pay attention to a colleague who was able to cause a feeling of love: talk with him for at least a few minutes a day, involve him in conversations with other people, ask him for his opinion on professional issues.
• Don't push. You should not constantly be in sight of the object of sympathy. For intrigue, it is worth disappearing for a day or two.
• Praise. Lots and every day. Both men and women are equally fond of flattery.
• Use "hot" words - "sexy", "passionate", "sensual", etc.
• A small amount of alcohol will help alleviate the awkwardness.

Several arguments in favor

If you fall in love with a work colleague and you start a relationship, then everything will probably be very good. There are several serious arguments in favor of an office romance, namely:

1. Most likely, the choice was made correctly. The social connections of a working person are very limited - this is a circle of old friends and colleagues. Therefore, about 15% of successful marriages begin as an office romance.
2. Now you will look great every day. The presence of a loved one at work obliges you to carefully monitor yourself, as the lunch break will turn into a mini-date.
3. Your productivity at work will increase. The presence of the second half contributes to the production of the hormone of happiness, and falling in love helps to turn mountains when performing difficult tasks.
4. Secret romance exacerbates relationships, makes them more sensual. Inconspicuous looks, light furtive strokes, a kiss on the run - all this will give an adrenaline rush, and you will not want to lose this feeling.
5. There is an opportunity to confront enemies in the team - you are like secret agents working for each other and then exchanging information.
6. Mutual support at work, including professional support. Often this leads to successful career growth.
7. Maximum transparent relationship - you will know for sure when your significant other has a blockage at work, and when he (she) just wants to relax with friends without you.
8. Maybe the romance will develop into something more, and you will become a family. The presence of an officially registered marriage, as a rule, removes all claims from the management to the couple in love about their relationship.

But when you fall in love with a colleague and build a relationship, you need to leave your significant other time when you do not talk about work, and do not solve personal problems in the office.

When you need to tell yourself "stop"

Sometimes an office romance is impossible. You should fight falling in love with a colleague if:

• No reciprocity.
• Feeling reflects badly on your state - emotional and physiological.
• Ifyou experience morbid jealousy.
• In case of manic attachment to a colleague.
• If the choice is made in favor of study and career, and relationships at work will greatly interfere.

Married and married colleagues

But it often happens that the object of passion is not free and already has a family. There are different situations, but you can find a way out of each.

Fell in love with a married colleague? In fact, the presence of a husband in a woman should signal that it is not worth seeking her. But in real life things are a little different. It must be confessed, but the feelings of another man are unlikely to please her. She may not feel the same way, and now she will be embarrassed to communicate with you. The option “let go and forget” suggests itself, that is, turn on your head and not break up someone else’s family. However, there is another option - to try to achieve reciprocity through long and thorough courtship. You just need to understand that a girl can still choose you early in the end.

What to do if you fall in love with a married colleague? In fact, the choice is still the same - either seek or let go of a person. It is psychologically more difficult for women to achieve a man, but they, as a rule, stop at nothing. And the presence of a rival does not interfere at all. And again, it’s not worth judging anyone, if love is strong, then you can and should fight for it. But in the end, he may not choose you and stay with his legal wife. And here it is extremely important to refrain from revenge and maintain a normal working relationship.

If you fell in love witha female colleague, then immediately confessing your feelings to her will be a very risky step.

And if I'm married or married

But sometimes a relationship is hindered by the fact that you are already married. What to do if you are married and fell in love with a colleague? Or are you married but have strong feelings for a new employee?

First of all, you don't need to lie to a colleague about your status - other employees will enlighten her about the presence of a family, and without any malicious intent. At the initial stage of sympathy, it’s not worth talking to a wife or husband about the presence of a competitor in him (her) - it’s not far from a divorce. Often, wives understand by their behavior and conversations that their husband has fallen in love with a colleague. And then there will be a serious conversation, and you will have to explain to your wife why she is worse than your new chosen one.

But sooner or later you will have to make a choice - either between a short fling at work and the potential danger of losing your family, or between an old love and a new one. Here the decision will have to be made independently, and in any case it will be difficult.

When in love with you

Did a colleague fall in love with you? What to do in a situation where he openly shows you signs of attention and expresses his sympathy in every possible way? If both of you are free and have no prejudices against office romances, and are also ready to accept the consequences, then feel free to reciprocate.

But what if you don't want to take the risk? Or is he or you not free, and you do not want to change something in your life? Then it must be made clear thatrelationship is impossible, never and under no circumstances.

This might be hard to do, especially if you're already in love but don't want to develop further. It is not easy to kill such a deep feeling as love, and psychologists recommend following the instructions step by step.

Control your own thoughts

If you fell in love with a work colleague, but do not want a relationship for any reason, then you should strictly control your thoughts. No daydreams about how things might have been or might be, no memories of a voice, a smile and a smell, no sexual fantasies. We switch our heads to other thoughts - work, study, super-difficult tasks, interesting films and books. But not about love!

Business communication

Switch to the business style of communication with the object of your passion. No flirting, smiles, friendly chatter and smoke breaks together. Try to treat him (her) as an ordinary employee and communicate only on work matters. At first, it will be very difficult, and others will notice your changed attitude towards one of your colleagues. Argument this with heavy workload - you have no time to chat and smile when there is so much work around!

Work and only work

Get to work for real, with full dedication. This will help you load your head and not think about the subject of your dreams. This will give impetus to career development, which will be good, since it did not work out with your personal life. This can eventually lead to the fact that you will see each other less often when youwill be transferred to a higher position.

In addition, successful and fruitful work will help you regain the favor of leadership, which was probably undermined due to low efficiency during the period of dreams about the object of passion.

Do not seek meetings

If you have fallen in love with a colleague, but are trying to get rid of this feeling, then do not look for "random" meetings. No need to go to his (her) favorite cafe for lunch, and if you have convinced yourself that you also cannot live without a particular food service, then choose another time for lunch. You do not need to go to those places where your loved one often happens, as there is a great chance of meeting him. Control your thoughts and avoid unnecessary communication.

Self-development

Try to take all your free time and not leave a single second for empty suffering. It is best to choose activities in which you will be surrounded by other people. Start dancing, swimming, improve your English in group courses, lead an active lifestyle.

Renewing your circle of friends will help well - new friends help you forget about old hobbies.

Change of image

If you fell in love with a colleague, but he did not reciprocate, then the best way to boost self-esteem is to radically change your image. Just don't fall into the trap - you need to change to please yourself, and not your unfulfilled love.

Harmony of the inner world

Get your thoughts in order. You must clearly understand why this relationship is impossible, but at the same time see inThis situation is not the collapse of personal life, but the potential to search for something new. Failed love often helps to realize what things are truly valuable, and correctly prioritize life.

When do you need a psychologist?

In all cases, when there is a feeling of hopelessness and that there is no strength to solve the problem on your own, you should contact a psychologist. This can be done at any stage - both at the first sign of sympathy, and after the collapse of all hopes. A good psychologist will not decide anything for you, but he will step by step help you realize and make a decision yourself and live with it further - happily and with the expectation of new love.