My mother-in-law hates me: causes of bad relationships, symptoms, behavior within the family, help and advice from psychologists

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Have you ever heard a phrase like this: “If not for his mother, we would never have broken up, my mother-in-law hates me!”? Surely you have heard, because there are a sufficient number of such pairs. The question is: is it true that a relationship with a mother-in-law can lead to a divorce, or is it just a habit of blaming anyone but yourself for your failures? The situation is rather ambiguous, so it requires more detailed consideration. What to do if the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law?

Where does negativity come from?

My mother-in-law hates me - what to do? Many married girls today are asking this kind of question. The mother-in-law's negative attitude towards her daughter-in-law can begin at a subconscious level, starting from the very moment when the object of "sharing" between women had just come into being. Since the birth of your chosen one, your mother-in-law raiseda real man who, in fact, should be ideal for herself. This feature is especially clearly manifested in those ladies whose husband does not correspond to their ideas about the ideal life partner, as well as in divorced women and single mothers. Therefore, raising her son, the mother, on a subconscious level, seeks to provide herself with support and support in the future. And everything would be fine, but the years go by, the son grows up, finds a life partner, and the mother realizes that she is gradually losing him. The young man devotes more and more time and attention to his lady of the heart, and his mother, meanwhile, "vomits and flies." Does it make sense to further explain why mothers-in-law hate daughters-in-law?

What is the mother-in-law thinking about?

The first thing your husband's mother thinks about is that a young wife will never be able to love and care for her son as stubbornly, wholeheartedly and sincerely as she does. After all, only a mother, like no one else, knows all the preferences of her son, all habits, sore spots, and so on. From the moment a woman finds out that her child has a bride, she involuntarily begins to accumulate negativity, which later often results in complete hostility towards a “stranger” person for her family. After the girl enters the house of her future husband, she should be as focused as possible and try not to make mistakes, if possible, because in the future it will be quite difficult to correct them. Every careless act, every awkward detail can provoke an aggravation of subconsciously caused negative emotions infuture mother-in-law. But what mistakes should a daughter-in-law not make with her new "mother"?

Don't show your feelings

When a girl, being a bride, thinks about the question: "Why does my mother-in-law hate me?" - she should pay attention to her behavior. It is important to be able to prioritize your relationship with your future husband and his mother. Do not show your love and emotions too actively towards your spouse - this will only cause the jealousy of the mother-in-law. Be polite and courteous in conversations with her, try to ignore sharp reservations in your direction. Instead, give your warmth to the man you love, but don't do it in front of his parent too openly.

Don't praise your mom too much

Stories about what a wonderful mother you have, what delicious borscht she has and how carefully she cleans, will not melt the ice in the heart of your mother-in-law. Unless, on the contrary, it will warm up her dislike for you. Your new mother-in-law may think that you are telling her all this as a reproach, because she firmly believes that no one is better than her at cooking soup or ironing a shirt.

Do not try to make your own rules and constantly interfere in the conduct of life

The rules and foundations in your husband's house have been established by your mother-in-law for years, this is an established process that should not be subjected to constant interference. The mother-in-law is the mistress in her house, and outside interference in what she is already accustomed to can be regarded as the most banal disrespect. Allthey know that there is no place for two housewives in the same kitchen, so do not be too lazy to coordinate in advance all the questions that arise that relate to cooking and housekeeping. And remember: the hostess of the house should have the final say.

Don't overdo your mother-in-law with affection

This mistake is most often observed in those girls who are too eager to please their husband's mother. Frequent praise and flattering reviews of the daughter-in-law in the direction of the mother-in-law can be regarded by the latter as the most real sycophancy and lies. Such behavior will not only not please a woman, but may even harm her attitude towards her own daughter-in-law. Be yourself and don't try to bribe her with flattering words.

Don't blame your mother-in-law for everything

Often, according to the daughter-in-law, all the scandals and omissions in the family occur only because of the mother-in-law. If you are firmly convinced that if it were not for your husband’s mother, then your family life would be the most ideal, you won’t go far on this conviction, as they say. Ultimately, the mother-in-law will listen to a sea of reproaches from you, which will have a rather negative impact on your relationship with her and on mutual understanding with your husband.

Do not forbid grandchildren to communicate with their grandmother

Some girls think that grandmothers spoil children too much or turn them against their parents, and simply try to do everything so that grandmother and grandchildren intersect as little as possible. Such behavior is initially completely unjustified, because children are veryit is important to feel love and care from all relatives. If you think that grandparents are going too far, just talk to them about it, but tactfully and calmly.

What do psychologists recommend doing?

Sometimes the misunderstanding reaches its climax, and the unfortunate girl seeks help from qualified advisers. In an urgent family problem, where the mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law, the advice of psychologists can significantly alleviate the suffering of the unfortunate woman and work out with her the tactics of her correct behavior with the aggressor in the person of the mother-in-law. For a family, especially a newly formed one, peace and tranquility are very important. You and your chosen one should not have a choice: you or your mother. Therefore, the task here is the same - to build relationships competently and act in accordance with certain rules.

The mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law: advice from psychologists in eliminating misunderstandings in the family

To minimize the risk of conflict situations, you need to follow some rules.

• Don't make your mother-in-law look bad to yourself and others: she's not a monster, and your husband won't like it either. If they say bad things about his mother, this is the first step towards a break.
• Learn patience, respect and tact towards your husband's mother. You may not follow her advice, but it will not be superfluous to listen. Remember that the mother-in-law has more experience and there may be truth in her words.
• Caring for the family above all else. If the mother-in-law sees that you take care of her son, children, wellcook, housekeeping, in time she will realize that the love of her life is in good hands.
• Don't be afraid to ask your mother-in-law for advice. If you ask about recipes for dishes that your newly-made husband loves, this will somewhat soften his mother's attitude towards you.
• Find common interests with your husband's mother. For example, she likes to watch TV shows or movies - which means you need to organize a joint viewing of some new movie from the world of cinema. And in the process you will communicate and make friends.
• Don't forget to show attention. Call her to ask about her he alth, buy her favorite chocolate on the way home, make small gifts.
• Don't ignore her and try to communicate more. Any problem can be solved by talking. The more you discuss, communicate, the less omissions will arise in the future.

Knowing how to properly build your relationship with your husband's mother, you can create a he althy and full-fledged family, raise children in happiness and love. Do not forget about mutual respect, be wise and patient, and such a problem as "my mother-in-law hates me" will not be terrible for you.

Why do some people succeed and others don't?

As psychologists say, sometimes a man, exclusively on a subconscious level, chooses a life partner who looks like his mother. If the mother is a positive person, easy-going, benevolent, and so on, then the wife will be as close as possible to such an image. There shouldn't be any problems here.be, because two pleasant people can easily establish contact with each other. But if the mother-in-law is an imperious and proud person, if for her it is only important that everyone unquestioningly obey her opinion, then they are unlikely to quickly find a common language with the daughter-in-law.

Is it possible to improve relations with the mother-in-law, if initially they did not work out?

Thinking that your mother-in-law hates you and what to do? Psychologists give an unequivocal answer - it is necessary to strive to resolve the conflict and establish a positive atmosphere in the family. If you have a he althy, adequate position in relation to your husband's mother, you will succeed. If you understand that the mother-in-law is not a girlfriend with whom you can discuss your husband without restrictions, if you do not deceive yourself and do not build illusions about the mother-in-law, then such a position will lead to the fact that over time she will change her negativity to favor and condescension. If children grow up in love and prosperity, the husband is always full, satisfied and generally happy with you, then over the years even the most formidable mother-in-law becomes attached to her daughter-in-law, and this attachment develops into a he althy, fulfilling relationship.