Adolescence can rightfully be attributed to the most difficult periods of development. Many parents worry that the child's character deteriorates, and he will never be the same. Any changes seem global and catastrophic. This period is not without reason considered one of the most difficult in the formation of a person. It is at the age of 14-16 that the time comes for the rapid development of the personality, priorities, views, beliefs change, an individual worldview is formed.
This period also usually accounts for the first love, which leaves a significant mark on a lifetime. Gaining the experience of living feelings for the opposite sex, a person becomes stronger, learns to take full responsibility for his life.
Relationship with parents
Father and mother are significant figures for a child. They not only convey knowledge about the world, but also teach the most important things that become necessary in everyday life. What can a psychologist say?parents of a teenager? Let's try to figure it out.
Psychological characteristics of a teenager
Parents of teenage children must be prepared for the fact that their beloved child at some point begins to demonstrate his character. The transitional period is characterized by several manifestations that are not always to the liking of others. In children aged 13-15, so-called protest behavior is often observed. They tend to do everything in defiance only in order to not meet the expectations of an adult. Working with parents of teenagers is just about trying to understand your child, and not judging him for every wrongdoing.
One must not interfere with self-expression, the desire to know oneself. Otherwise, you can spoil the relationship with your son or daughter for a long time.
The need to stand up for one's opinion
It is laid down by nature itself. Without this, it is impossible to grow up, to feel like a truly significant person. If a teenager cannot learn to defend his own position in due time, he will begin to do it later - in adolescence. It is not uncommon for a young man or girl, entering early adulthood, to still not solve their childhood problems. And then everyone had to suffer: themselves, the potential second half and the entire immediate environment. Personal dissatisfaction necessarily affects the ability to get along with people, provokes conflicts at work. Family life also often does not add up.
In most casesopen conflict becomes unavoidable. The fact is that a teenager wants to get rid of the overprotection of an adult, and a parent still often wants to control every step of his grown-up child. In the most general case, a number of conflict situations arise that significantly worsen relations.
It's not uncommon for a teenager to be bothered by the thought of not being able to do what they want. After all, in order to realize the cherished desires, you need money, a clear understanding of how to act, where to direct your efforts. It also does not hurt to have self-confidence in order not to turn off the intended path, not to stop in front of the difficulties that arise. The feeling of unfulfillment can haunt you for a long time until you realize your own value.
Wish for Freedom
Recommendations to parents of a teenager basically come down to stopping patronizing their child in every possible way. Such behavior literally infuriates the child: he does not want to feel small anymore, so that important decisions are made for him.
The desire for freedom is so strong that a teenager is ready to go into open conflict, just to learn how to defend his own position. In fact, this is the only way to develop your own point of view on any issue. After all, if you always strive to meet the expectations of others, it will be very difficult to achieve your own goal.
Crisis of age
At some point, the teenager suddenlyrealizes that those around him have ceased to understand him. The fact is that he wants to feel confident in himself, but at the same time he is often afraid of being in a difficult situation from which he cannot find a way out on his own. The crisis of adolescence is experienced by many very violently. This is not accidental: the formation of personality cannot take place in greenhouse conditions.
The need for recognition of one's uniqueness comes first in a teenager. It seems to him that he knows everything and therefore must act independently, without asking the advice of elders. At the age of 14-16, few people think about the consequences of their actions.
The feeling of adulthood helps to form an adequate self-esteem, determine your immediate goals, and start working for the future. With the right approach, you can build self-confidence, help the child become independent.
Devaluation and antagonism
Teenagers often behave extremely incorrectly. The thing is that they have not yet learned to control their behavior. After all, the settlement of conflicts requires a certain spiritual maturity from the individual, the ability to analyze the situation. What should parents of teenagers do if their child is completely out of control? First of all, you need to show patience and understanding. A grown-up child acts badly, not out of harm, but simply because he cannot act otherwise. Antagonism and devaluation are necessary tools to discover your strengths, come to recognitionown uniqueness.
Advice from psychologists on how to achieve mutual understanding
Very often adults find that they cannot control the behavior of their grown child. The child suddenly begins to give out such unpredictable reactions that make the father and mother clutch their heads, constantly looking for new ways to solve the problem. Sometimes this can take years. Recommendations to parents of teenagers, as a rule, boil down to trying to find common ground with their child. What steps should we try to take to achieve this?
It is needed first. This is something without which there will be no normal relationship between parents and a child. Advice to parents of teenagers primarily affects changes in behavior and perception. You need to stop treating your grown son like a little one. You cannot tell your daughter that you are forbidding her to do something. She may decide that you simply do not respect her opinion and do not want to accept it. Understanding is an extremely important thing. It will not form on its own unless the teenager and parents start putting some effort into it.
It is very important to strive to put yourself in the opponent's place, to be able to imbue his motives. Only in this case there is a possibility of harmonious coexistence. To enter into a confidential dialogue with a teenager, you need to try very hard. In most cases, children at this age become extremely wary, unsociable and suspicious.
The relationship between a teenager and parents can undergo significant changes over time. In some periods, there will be an increase in mutual understanding. In other periods of time, on the contrary, anxiety and suspicion will increase. This is because the inner world of a young man or girl is extremely unstable. They are really worried about the changes that are taking place, they can spend hours immersed in disturbing thoughts. A rare teenager is distinguished by self-confidence. That's why you shouldn't rush to impose your opinion on him.
The relationship between a teenager and parents largely depends on the wisdom of the latter. If adults can become their children's best friends and give some support, then the child will always share his thoughts and reflections with them. It is very important in everything to try to emphasize your indifference and a genuine desire to help. When there are common interests, certain discoveries can be made. Only in this case, the teenager will try to share his experiences. When there is joint business, it brings you incredibly close, creates the feeling that you are not indifferent to your inner circle.
Rejection of criticism
Very often, most parents make the same mistake - they try to reason with their children with harsh expressions. Of course, it is necessary to warn against mistakes, but this must be done very carefully, trying not to offend the person in any way. A teenager and parents often do not get along, this is not surprising. It is necessary to give up criticism in order to be able to correct in the future.build relationships, take them to another level.
When we speak ill of a child's best interests, don't accept his friends or the way he sees the world, we hurt him in some way. Sometimes the happiness of their child directly depends on the behavior of the parents of a teenager. It is better to remain silent once again in order to try not to hurt or offend your son or daughter.
Adoption of individuality
It is extremely important for teenagers to be respected, accepted as they really are. Trust is everything. Acceptance of individuality is based on the fact that an adult gives up the idea of somehow remaking his child. If you analyze the situation, then this is a rather absurd idea. A teenager and parents often perceive each other as conflicting parties. There is no need to quarrel with a grown child, this will not lead to the establishment of understanding. Understand, he wants to be respected. A young man or girl is ready to seek favor by all available means.
You can't act in a directive way. A teenager is unlikely to want to obey you, because he has already formed his own opinion on important issues. Those who are 14-17 years old wish to be consulted. Raising individuality in a person is generally not easy. To do this, it is necessary to maintain independence in it, to approve useful undertakings that can lead to success. Parents should do this unobtrusively so as not to provoke the development of a defensive reaction.
Although a teenager strives to demonstrate his freedom in everything, in fact he is still largely dependent on adults. It takes a lot of effort to learn to be independent. The parent should be ready to provide timely support, because it may be needed at any moment. When a child knows that you are not indifferent to his problems, he is more likely to agree to accept help. But even in this case, it is recommended to act carefully so as not to inadvertently offend, not to cause additional suffering. The thing is, teenagers can't stand being pitied at all. A grown up child is afraid to appear weak, to incur the condemnation of peers. For this reason, he will try to demonstrate his independence in everything.
Thus, raising a teenager is very difficult. Parents are required to observe a certain delicacy, to be responsible and tactful. You can’t just impose your will on your son or daughter, try to talk exactly with the little ones.