A woman is by nature more emotional, especially in matters of motherhood. The strong half, on the contrary, is characterized by rational thinking and, as a rule, makes decisions in a balanced and deliberate manner. Therefore, if a loved one refuses the offer to have offspring, then you should not throw a tantrum, you should try to find out the reason why the guy does not want children.
What makes you feel?
First of all, it is worth noting that for men and women, the motivation to replenish the family is significantly different. If for a future mother this is a period of bearing a child, a feeling of the birth of life in oneself, an opportunity to show all one's care and love for a little baby, then for a man everything is different here. For the prospective father, inspiration will be the opportunity to share his knowledge and skills, give his last name to the heir and continue the family line. However, this does not mean that a man will not show warmth and care for the baby, he simply does not think about it.Feelings often come after the baby is born.
One of the reasons why a guy doesn't want children at all may be his excitement about the fact that a beautiful and well-groomed life partner, who is nearby, will change. He believes that after giving birth, the figure of her beloved will change, she will become nervous and will focus only on the constantly crying child. To change a man’s erroneous opinion, you need to start taking care of yourself today: dress beautifully not only in society, but also at home, take care of your face and body, go in for sports, resist irritants and smile more often.
It often takes more time for a man to realize that the woman next to him is the one and only. Therefore, he postpones the question of childbearing. This situation is more typical of young people who have not registered their relationship and live in a civil marriage. If, recently, quarrels and conflicts have become more frequent in the family, including for the reason that the guy does not want a child, perhaps first you need to sort out the relationship.
Mistress, jealousy, other children
One of the saddest things about why a guy doesn't want a baby is another woman. It can be just a hobby, a serious romance, or the inability to choose the one with whom he is better off. In any case, no matter how painful it is, giving birth to a child from such, to put it mildly, a frivolous life partner, is definitely not worth it.
There are times when a husband loves his wife so much that he just can'twants to share it with anyone, even with his own child. The reason may lie in selfishness or originate in early childhood. Some children experience tremendous emotional stress when the youngest child appears in the family and they begin to receive less attention. This is deposited in the subconscious, and as an adult, a man again encounters the same feelings. Here it is necessary to constantly convince the beloved that he is the one and only, and after the birth of the baby, do not forget to praise him for his excellent fatherly qualities. He will definitely understand that children are happiness.
It is not uncommon in our time and such a situation, when entering into a new marriage, a man already has a child from a previous union. It's good if the former spouses have friendly relations. Otherwise, he will not want to have children for fear of repeating mistakes. And, of course, any sane person understands what kind of responsibility it is, including material. In this case, do not rush. It is important to act gradually, to explain how important it is for a woman to become a mother, that he is the same man from whom she wants to give birth. If the partner asks what your sadness is connected with, without reproaches and showdown, it is worth returning to the exciting topic. Perhaps in the near future a man will still decide to have children, or he will have to make a choice.
Fear of the child and disease
Most people understand that children are happiness. But in rare cases, a man has a so-called fear of a child, when there is a fear of communicating with a baby. In this case, you need to visit more oftenvisiting couples with children. In this way, the fear will gradually dissipate.
Fear of the birth of an unhe althy child is characteristic not only of future mothers, but also of future fathers. Unfortunately, every year the percentage of births of sick children increases, so this issue must be approached with particular care. A few months before the intended conception, you need to undergo a complete examination, get rid of bad habits, and maintain a he althy lifestyle.
He alth or financial problems
One of the reasons that the guy does not want a family and children may be existing diseases. Most likely, he alth concerns are not unfounded. If there are such concerns, it is necessary to consult a psychologist, immunologist and geneticist in order to be sure of further actions. In no case should you risk the he alth of your unborn child and beloved spouse.
Often a man may not mind having children. At the same time, he is convinced that, first of all, it is necessary to create a strong material basis for the family. And this is not bad at all, which means that he takes his direct duties seriously. If such excuses continue for more than one year, and financial issues are not completely resolved, you should think about continuing the relationship.
Here it would not be superfluous to recall the biological clock and the fact that material well-being can be achieved already when the time for the birth of children has irretrievably gone. You can jointly calculate the monthly income of the family and expenses withgiven the small member of the family, for sure it's not so bad. We need to set short-term financial goals and agree that after they are achieved, the issue of childbearing will be decided.
Fear of imprisonment and the desire to live for yourself
It is quite natural that with the birth of a child, family life undergoes changes. This is what a certain group of men are afraid of. If a guy does not want to get married, most likely he thinks that he will no longer be able to meet friends, have fun in clubs, go to football matches. He is partly right, but a child is not a stumbling block. Most of the favorite and familiar things will still remain available. Babysitters, grandparents will always come to the rescue. In the end, you can also negotiate with your mother by letting her go to the cinema with her friends one day, and meet your friends in a sports bar the next.
When a man says he wants to live for himself, this wording usually hides the fear of responsibility and fundamental changes. Today he is satisfied with a calm and comfortable life together. Having seized the right moment, you need to talk with him about plans for the near future and ask if he has a desire to have a baby. It's good if he sets a deadline. Otherwise, don't waste your time and wait more than two years.
Fears in relationships
The fact that the guy does not want a child may be due to the unwillingness to build a serious relationship with a particular girl. Perhaps, being next to her, he is waiting for a more suitable option. If that's the case, don't bewith such a life partner.
Intimate life is important for any man. He is not ready to give up regular, good sex because of the birth of heirs. It is necessary to call him for a conversation and find out what exactly his fears are connected with. If possible, he should be convinced of their groundlessness.
Another reason is that the guy is younger and doesn't want kids. It is possible that he is not confident in himself, his companion, or relationships in general. Here is something for a woman to think about.
Unfortunate examples of friends and loved ones can also cause a man to not want to have children. Trying on other people's mistakes is not the best way to a happy family life. In addition, there are probably close-knit families with children in your environment. It is important to make it clear that nothing can destroy an initially strong union, especially children.
Fear of having a second child
Happy motherhood makes you want to have more children. At the same time, a man does not always agree with his other half, especially if little time has passed since the birth of the first child. Life has not yet returned to normal, repairs are not completed, the financial situation is not stable. It is worth looking at the situation realistically and not insisting.
It's different when several years have passed since the birth of the first child, and the guy says he doesn't want more children. Perhaps there are important reasons for this. A man knows from personal experience what the family will face, how much money, time and effort will have to be invested in the upbringing and education of a new family member. So it's not worth itput pressure on the spouse, he has the right to his opinion. After all, he had already conceded once.
What to do?
You can often hear a complaint from girls: my boyfriend doesn't want kids. What to do? The situation can be corrected if you act wisely and slowly. Perhaps one of the following tips will contribute to a successful solution to the problem when a guy does not want a child:
- It is necessary to find out the specific reason for the refusal to have children. Talk without swearing and decide in which direction to move on.
- Sometimes it's enough to start small. Take, for example, a pet. Of course, an animal is not a child, but it provides an opportunity to show their parental qualities and realize responsibility. The joy of association and the love of a living being will be rewarded.
- Communication with couples with children, joint walks with them often encourage men to have offspring and make it clear that children are not so scary.
- It is important to build relationships, spend more time together, communicate on personal topics.
- Properly prioritized play an important role in family relationships. For a woman, in addition to her own interests, the first place should be occupied by the husband, and after him - the children. Otherwise, the family may fall apart.
- You need to control your desires. Simultaneously planning to have a baby, buy a new car or a fur coat, most likely, will make a man wait. He must see that a woman is ready to subdue her desires for the sake ofachieving common goals.
- You can't force your husband to intimacy, such activity may seem strange to him.
- Down with boredom and monotony. A man must understand that next to him is a cheerful, intelligent, bright and deep personality, and it is from such a life partner that he wants to have children.
- A woman should be well-groomed and desirable, because men love with their eyes. Any girl feels more confident if she looks good.
- Let the beloved see that his wife is happy.
Frequent mistakes of the weak half
Many women, in their fanatical desire to become a mother, destroy family relationships with their own hands. Most common mistakes:
- If initially the guy does not want to get married, you need to think about whether it is worth building a relationship with him further. Don't be under any illusion about it.
- Pregnancy without the consent of the man. The child must be desired and planned by both parents. If a woman decides to do this without the consent of her husband, it will no longer be a partnership. Here his indignation and regarding such a step as a deception will be fair. As a result, there will be a crack in the relationship that can destroy them.
- No scandals, they will only aggravate the situation and give reason to think about whether you want to have a joint child with a hysterical woman.
- Close up, move away, speak in hints. If a woman is thinking about conceiving a baby, it is worth talking directly about it. If the man answered with a decisive refusal, there is no need to close. It is worth making a decision whether to continue the relationship.
- Blackmail and threats. The child should be born in a family where both parents are waiting for him, and not because the dad had no choice.
- Hard pressure. You can't pressure a man. It is necessary to explain to him until what age you can give birth and what the late appearance of children is fraught with.
- It's stupid to blame a man for not wanting to have a baby, he has the right to choose.
- Give birth to keep a man. If the relationship is on the verge of breaking up, the baby will definitely not glue them together. Children become a new stage of harmonious relations if they are desired by both parents. Having decided against her husband's will to have a child, the mother deliberately deprives herself of the opportunity to build a family with a man who loves her and dooms the child to grow up without a father.
- Hurry up with the answer. It takes time for any normal person to decide on such an important step.
- Insist if the husband is sick with something. Selfishness is not allowed here. Both the woman and the baby need a he althy dad.
How to persuade a man?
You can achieve the desired result through negotiations and discussions of all the pros and cons. If people have known each other for years and know each other well, finding the right approach will not be difficult.
The desire to have a child immediately after the wedding is at least unreasonable. It takes some time to get used to the new status, to improve life and improve the financial situation. Perhaps a man wants to enjoy life together, travel, have fun and, given this opportunity, will be ready to move on to the next stage in the relationship.
Then, slowly, the man is brought todecision to become a father. Having enlisted the support of relatives and friends, they unobtrusively touch on this topic at family celebrations, communicate more often with relatives and friends who have children, and watch family films. It is important to remember: assertiveness in this matter is not an assistant, but a subtle psychological approach will make a man think that this is his own decision.
If a couple has been living together for more than a year, the life partner needs to be explained to what age you can give birth without harming the he alth of the woman and the future of the child. Experts advise having the first child before the age of 25, and the next baby before the age of 35.