Whims and stubbornness are two whales that many parents (especially young ones) endure with great difficulty, and which are abused by a huge number of children. Unfortunately, a stubborn child can put parents in a very uncomfortable position, because finding ways to influence a stubborn child is quite difficult. Of course, mothers and fathers of such babies try to find an approach to them and behave themselves in such a way as to somehow smooth out capricious moments.
Give space to baby
From the first years of a baby's life, parents are gradually trying to accustom him to independence, responsibility for all his actions and independence of judgment. It is difficult for adults to stay on the edge - not to “strangle” with their advice and total control, not to “press” with authority, not to exaggerate with the number of threats, punishments and praises.
But even advanced mothers whothey constantly analyze their pedagogical experience and still make mistakes, giving children the opportunity to communicate freely, have their own opinion, feel equal, at the same time - loved and pampered, they can raise a stubborn capricious child.
Let's talk about stubbornness
Stubbornness is not a completely negative human trait. Its positive features include - self-confidence, correct perseverance, adequate self-esteem (of one's strengths, intellect …). Stubborn people know how to set a goal and achieve it, even if circumstances and the people around them resist. On the other hand, a very stubborn child from time to time will not reckon with the opinion of mom and dad, and especially grandparents (if, of course, they take part in upbringing), respect them (or pretend to). For adults, this is a really difficult situation. Raising a stubborn baby can be a struggle for parents and older generations - difficult, exhausting, sometimes useless. Moreover, this is a struggle not “for”, but “against” - the most dear, beloved and so dependent on adults little man.
Inability to control emotions
So why is the child stubborn? It is quite difficult to understand the origins of his misbehavior. It seems to adults that children who do not yet go to school have an absolutely calm life without worries. After all, they don’t even need to learn lessons yet. But psychologists believe that for the first time, stubbornness in children manifests itself at the age of three: it is then that children begin to evaluate their own behavior in a completely new way.personality and yourself. In this age period, babies begin to get acquainted with new emotions, but they have not yet learned to control them. The result is a very vivid reaction to words and events. It manifests itself in the form of whims, disobedience, tantrums and resentment.
Reasons for children's stubbornness
Yes, it happens that a stubborn child grows up in a family. How to raise such a kid correctly? To correct his behavior, first of all, you need to establish the reasons due to which he is stubborn. Most often, the following factors lead to disobedience of children who are not yet attending school:
- Emotional background in the family. If the baby sees frequent conflicts between parents and other family members, then stubbornness will be a natural reaction to this. So the child tries to switch the attention of adults to himself.
- Crisis of three years. Psychologists believe that the baby passes the first age crisis at the age of three or four years. It was during this period that significant changes were observed in his behavior. Stubbornness is just one of the clearest manifestations of this.
- Individual characteristics of a preschool child. We must not forget that the baby is also a personality, therefore, he develops his own temperament, his own character. Perhaps stubbornness is simply part of the child's nature.
- Features of education. If the baby is treated too softly, this can often lead to the fact that he feels like the center of filming of the whole family. And in this case, children's stubbornness will be the answer to any "disobedience" on the part of mom and dad. Exactly the samethere will be a situation in families in which very strict rules of upbringing are practiced.
How to get in touch?
In a family where a stubborn child grows up, parents know that it is very difficult to negotiate with him. The baby already has his own opinion, and if moms or dads do not agree with him, a serious conflict may arise. Attempts to persuade a child to do something, or even to force him, usually end in an emotional outburst. Parents, on the one hand, should not succumb to such behavior, and on the other hand, they should not resist. After all, at first, the stubborn child will still be the winner. What to do in this situation? The best thing that adults will do in this case is to start establishing contact with the baby, and then they will re-educate him.
Parents should understand that the stubbornness of their child is in most cases not a vice of behavior. So the baby is trying to show internal emotional stress. Therefore, the usually used system of rewards and punishments does not give the desired effect, but only aggravates the situation. You need to start with a simple one - communicate with the child as often as possible, even when whims appear, adults should calmly respond to this. You can’t stop the dialogue, you can’t go to another room either, just as you don’t need to succumb to manipulation. Most likely, this will be enough - the baby will understand that it is useless to put pressure on parents with stubbornness, and will not use it.
Responding to stubbornness
If a stubborn and naughty child grows up in a family, it is important to learn how torespond to his behavior.
Mom and dad need to find a compromise. And kindly and with patience. For example, a daughter wants to wear a New Year's dress to kindergarten. She tearfully refuses to try on something else that her mother offers her. In this case, you can agree that in the kindergarten she will be in beautiful shoes, with a festive hairstyle and an elegant handbag. And the dress can be saved for some holiday, for example, for the New Year or the celebration of one of the children. Sometimes you can give in to the child, only explaining that this is not the result of his whims, but the good will of the mother. This refers to something simple, but not important situations and serious matters, such as going to the doctor or vaccinations. Let (in very rare cases) a growing child of 5 years old - stubborn and capricious - make his choice and do as he himself wanted. Sometimes parents have to let him pay for his mistake.
Adults should definitely control themselves. No matter what he does or says ("I don't love you!", "You're wrong!") baby. It must be understood that his behavior and character is the result of parental pedagogical efforts and some miscalculations. You need to talk to a naughty baby. Take the time to explain your position and its advantages. But in no case do not put pressure on the child and do not threaten him. After all, such methods do not work with real stubborn people.
Interacting with a stubborn baby
Raising a stubborn child and communicating with him should be built on the principles of trust.Then it will be a little easier to interact with him.
For the little ones, the option with distraction is suitable. This method will be most effective for those who are experiencing a crisis of three years of age. You can carry small bright objects with you - whistles, toys, books, balloons, soap bubbles. If the baby is stubborn and does not want to leave the walk on the playground, you can whistle whistles, inflate colorful balloons, sing songs or recite poems (mother should know a lot of them and quote them on various occasions) and fairy tales.
It often happens that nothing seems to have happened, but the child is stubborn. 4 years is the age when fairy tale therapy is still a separate item. Many of the well-known Russian folk tales are suitable for drawing a conclusion about the harmfulness of stubbornness. For example, "Masha and the Three Bears" - a girl, not listening to her mother, ran into the forest, just like that, out of pure stubbornness. And there she ended up in a hut where a family of bears lived. How it ended, everyone knows. Or “The Tale of Little Red Riding Hood”, in which the girl did not listen to her mother and started talking to the gray wolf, blurting out to him where she was going and why. The result is also known to everyone.
Warm, respectful, kind family atmosphere will benefit. Constant “hugs”, things that can and should be done together, occupational therapy (taking into account the age of the baby and his gender) will help level the features of raising a stubborn child. Indeed, often his stubbornness is just a sign that the baby is uncomfortable, he is offendedon his parents, he is stressed, he does not feel happiness in the house. You just need to love your child, and - any - and naughty, and capricious, and stubborn. Then he will learn to appreciate, respect, love his parents. And, if possible, obey.
A bad trait exclusively in childhood
During children's whims, it is quite difficult for adults to control themselves. Before them is their beloved, adored, but such a stubborn child. How to behave with him?
It must be remembered that if parents break into a scream and show their anger to the baby, he is convinced that he managed to manipulate adults with certain tools. It is quite understandable that when a child comes to this conclusion, it is not a fact that he will stop being stubborn. Most likely, his cruel experiment will continue.
So, a stubborn child grows up in the family. How to set the limits of what is permitted? First of all, we must try to understand that stubbornness is a bad trait only in childhood. In the future, she will help the child, making him more confident in his own abilities, giving him the opportunity to defend his point of view in any situation. That is why it is very important not to nip in the bud all the "harmfulness" of the baby, not to overdo it in too hard, literally under pressure, raising a child, try not to suppress his craving for actions and disputes in defiance.
Reasons for Stubbornness
There are many situations in which parents worry that they have a stubborn child growing up. How to set limits on what is possible and what- no?
We must immediately dwell on the fact that this quality is manifested in babies who are two years old. This is due to the fact that children grow up, they develop an understanding that they can influence events or even become the central figure in them. Quite often, such difficult behavior of children helps them to increase their self-esteem, because as soon as they begin to persist, parents begin to persuade them or even threaten them out loud. Most of the kids are watching this with a smile. Especially if these threats from parents remain just words.
This is how a stubborn child has fun. How to set the boundaries of what is permitted in communication with him and in education?
The only way to do this is to resort to tougher measures. Parents should come up with a few basic rules and try to teach the baby to follow them. There shouldn't be too many rules. The main thing is that they are simple. And it is very important not to deviate from the rules themselves created. The kid must understand what his duties include and how he will be punished if he refuses to fulfill them.
How can a stubborn child be punished? How to set the limits of allowed and prohibited actions?
When you have to bring up a stubborn one, it is very important not to show him your own softness. If the baby behaves badly, and his mother told him to go to his room without dinner, you must follow your own words. After all, a stubborn child must understand that parental words have weight.
If the baby does not ask in the store, but demands to buy him a toy or sweet, you should clearly explain why right now the mother cannot buy it. For stubborn people, a motivational system is useful. For example, come up with a rule according to which, if a child cleans up toys after himself, then you can reward him with a delicious chocolate bar, a small doll or a car.
If the baby is stubborn about eating, you should not rush to punish, but try to figure out what exactly he does not like. Do not force him to eat, it is better to try to find a better alternative.
Only a parent's firm and confident tone can stop a child's unacceptable actions. The kid should immediately understand what mom or dad wants from him. You should not ask your child questions like “Why are you doing this?”, Because they contribute to children's philosophical reflections. It is necessary to say simply: "Stop", "Stop immediately." But when the baby follows the order, you must be prepared for the fact that you will have to answer his many questions. He will want to know why he shouldn't play with matches or touch a hot iron. Mom needs to stop all her affairs for literally five minutes and talk to the baby, giving him a clear answer.
What should and should not be done?
If contact is established with the baby, but he still shows stubbornness, the system of relations in the family should be changed. There are some simple rules for moms and dads that will help answer the question of how a stubborn child should be brought up.
It is very important to improve the atmosphere in the family. If aadults understand that family relationships are far from ideal, it is necessary to work in this direction. The stubbornness of the baby as a reaction to problems in the family is an indicator that it is necessary to solve them very quickly.
Keep calm. If the kid starts to hysteria, proves his case, or refuses to do something that adults have instructed him, you need to be patient and go about your business. When parents respond to bouts of stubbornness, they are the ones who “green light” the behavior.
Don't get into conflict. It is useless and tiresome to argue with a stubborn child. He will definitely not obey, but it will be great to spoil the tense relationship.
Adults must argue their every position. If you simply forbid or ask, it will not work on the baby. Therefore, motivation and argumentation of words are useful here. It is necessary to explain to the child in an understandable language why it is impossible to behave one way or another and why he needs to carry out certain other assignments.
Try to create the illusion of choice. If the baby does not want to comply with the request, you should offer him a choice. And you don't have to come up with real alternatives. It will be enough to create an illusion for him. For example, “What will we do first - eat or fold books?”. With this approach, the baby will not perceive the request as an order, therefore, he will calmly do everything.
Praise your child more often and in no case compare him with his peers. When personality is formedbabies become especially sensitive. Therefore, any comparison with other children is inappropriate for them. Such statements will in no way contribute to the proper motivation of the child. They will lead to the fact that the problems will worsen and the confidence of the baby will decrease.
What can be said in conclusion? The main thing for parents is not to give up and not let the whims of their little ones take their course. Kids should learn the rules of decent behavior, good manners and morality at the most tender age, thanks to the tips of moms and dads, and by the example of their behavior. Despite the fact that children's characters can be very complex, about 80 percent of a baby's behavior still depends on education.