Husband does not want a second child: what to do?

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

It often happens that a conflict can occur in a family on the basis of one of the most important issues for a woman. The question that the time has come to have a second child arises most often when the first one has already grown up and the ladies begin to understand that the years go on and the age is gradually approaching the critical mark for the birth of a child. The situation is not the easiest, and the issue should be studied from all sides. And most importantly, what if the wife wants a second child, but the husband does not?

Financial side of the issue

One of the main fears of men is precisely in finances, they are simply afraid that they will not pull another child. You can often hear a complaint from women: "I want a second child, but my husband is against it!". This is especially true for those families where the well-being is not at a sufficient level and the appearance of a baby can create a considerable hole in the budget. On the one hand, everything herecan be understood. There is an unstable economic situation in the world, financial crisis, unemployment and so on. Also, in any case, the wife will have to go on maternity leave, which means that the financial issue falls entirely on the shoulders of your man. It is possible that he will have to find a second job, or at least a side job.

Your task now is to analyze the current situation. If you adequately understand that it will be difficult to pull out all family issues, forget about your idea for a while, at least until the situation regarding money matters improves. Consider also such a moment as living space. If you have a one-room or two-room apartment, then the four of you will live in such a room rather crowded.

As experts say, giving birth to a second, or even a third or fourth child, when a husband and wife can barely make ends meet, is a real selfishness on the part of parents. Remember that children are not only the flowers of life, but also a rather expensive pleasure, so the decision should be based not only on the word “I want”, but also evaluated from the side of opportunities. It is your responsibility to ensure that your child has a happy childhood.

Husband is happy with everything?

Why doesn't my husband want a second child? Such a scenario is also possible: the first child took both you and your husband a sufficient amount of strength, both moral and physical. Perhaps he was very restless, had some kind of he alth problem and rarely let him get enough sleep at night. It's possible that your spouse just wants sometime to live in peace and quiet, replenish your energy balance, spend more time with you, and not constantly think about how to calm a crying baby. Do not blame him for this, such a position is quite understandable and acceptable. Perhaps you need to rest and relax as your first child matures.

Most likely, your spouse has just begun to understand the happiness of fatherhood and you should not break off your beloved buzz with a second baby, it's better to wait. If this is your problem, then the only thing that will help you take a step towards resolving the situation is to promise your man that you will not limit him and will not involve him in caring for the child beyond measure. Maybe he will agree to such conditions. But before you make such a promise, think a thousand times: are you ready to put such a responsibility on your fragile shoulders. Can you manage the baby, housekeeping and first child alone?

If you have support in the form of a mother or mother-in-law, then it will be much easier to cope with the whole cycle of affairs. If your maternal instinct gets the better of your fear of difficulties, then there is no reason to refuse. The only thing you must understand is that you will not have the right to complain about your spouse. It was your choice.

Does your husband think it's enough to have one child?

Many people, and your husband may be one of them, have clear concepts and established moral principles that may concern the fact that there can be one child in a family. This opinioncan be reinforced by the fact that it is easier to live this way, make plans for the future, it means less responsibility and more free time that you can spend on yourself. This position is especially characteristic of those families where the man was the first and only child in the family. People who did not have brothers and sisters simply cannot understand how wonderful it is when a child has someone to play with, when children have support and support not only in the face of their parents, but also in the face of each other.

A big strong family is always great. On the other hand, there is another side of the coin here. Your man could grow up in a family that was too large, where the younger ones bore the elders, finances were tight, there was not enough parental attention for all the kids, and family relationships did not go well. Since then, your spouse has firmly decided that this will not happen again in his family.

Child is a burden

Another common reason why a man does not want to have a second baby may lie in the fact that he simply cooled down to his wife, and the firstborn turned into a real burden. The only thing that can be done in this situation is to start painstaking work on your own relationships, carefully work on your own and his life principles. If your problem lies precisely in this reason, then it is better to seek help from a specialist who will help you cope with the problem, find common interests, common ground, and also help your husband change his attitude towards children in principle.

Husband does not want a second child. Psychologist's advice

The very first thing you should do is talk to your husband. Calmly, reasonably, adequately. Try to do it without screaming, don't give ultimatums, don't throw tantrums, and so on. It certainly won't lead to anything good. Adequately assess the situation, weigh the pros and cons. Prepare your spouse for a conversation, and you can change a lot, because the power is in the word. It already depends on you whether the husband will change his mind or categorically refuse the second child.

Husband does not want a second child, what should I do? Be sure to tell him that the baby will not appear an hour after you make a decision, this takes time. For some reason, many men completely do not take into account the fact that 9 months is a lot, and during this period you can prepare for everything, including morally.

What arguments can convince a husband?

You are pregnant with the second, and the husband does not want a child? Try to convince him with the following arguments. Since you already have a child, most of the things from him are probably left over and they are perfect for a newborn, so one item of expenditure can be waived. It is unlikely that you threw away the stroller, crib, bath, toys and other things necessary for small children. Do not forget to tell your spouse about this, because the presence of such important things will immediately reduce your financial costs for the newborn. If you are not afraid of the financial part of the question, convince him that you are notyou will love him less after the baby is born. Often men are simply afraid of becoming unnecessary and superfluous in their own family. Your task is to overcome all difficulties together and support each other in difficult times. How did you get on with your firstborn? If the husband still does not want a second child, the following tips will tell you what to do.

What to do next?

Husband does not want a second child? Tips don't help? Yes, it is possible that no persuasion, arguments, psychologists, and so on will help you resolve the situation. Your desire will remain the same, and your husband will not make any concessions. What to do? You can resort to certain female tricks, but do not forget that here the responsibility lies only on your shoulders. Don’t whine to everyone: “I’m constantly crying, my husband doesn’t want a second child,” it’s better to take action from tears.

Husband is unsure of you

One of the most important reasons is the lack of confidence in your own lady of the heart. In this case, the birth of a second child may be perceived by the spouse as a way in which the woman only wants to bind him more strongly to herself. Therefore, if you hear a categorical refusal, try to analyze your relationship with him. If you adequately understand that everything is not going as it should, then you will have to prove to your chosen one that you can be relied upon, that you can be trusted.

Uncertain about other couples' bad experiences

Often we look at the bad examples of other families and project their experiences onto ourselves. Maybe one of your friends got divorcedafter the birth of your second child and your husband is just worried that a similar story will happen to you. Men are especially afraid of this if, in other couples, after the breakup, it became difficult for the husband to fully spend time with children. No matter how critical the situation of another family may seem, try to convey to your spouse that the fate of your family has nothing to do with other people and has nothing to do with what happens to others. After all, it is you who are the smiths of your own happiness.

Maybe it's he alth?

Have you ever thought about such a reason as a medical indication? If we turn to statistics, we can see that a considerable number of sick children are being born now. Perhaps your husband believes that your couple is at risk of having a handicapped child, especially if you have had similar cases in your family. In such a situation, it is recommended to go through an examination with your spouse and seek help from a psychologist.

Agreement failed?

If the issue could not be resolved by dialogue, you can try to bargain, that is, offer something in return. It often turns out that an adequate conversation between spouses does not work, here you will have to choose a different tactic. The husband may not just not understand his motives, he may in principle refuse to make contact, even if you struggled to explain the importance of the issue that is before you. There are several possible scenarios here. And these options cannot be consideredcorrect, and even more so they are in no way suitable for those families in which trust and mutual understanding reign.

If you build trusting relationships, then nothing good will come of it. When you are already sure that the birth of a second child is a matter of prime necessity and there is no turning back, then you should find a pressure point. For example, a spouse has been trying to persuade you to quit your job for a long time, but you do not agree, now it is time to promise to do it. Thus, you change the opportunity to give birth to a child that your spouse has long dreamed of getting. It can be not only work, but some kind of expensive purchase, a trip. In general, absolutely any concession that you did not agree to before. Such a gesture on your part will enable your husband to realize how strong and responsible your decision is.

If this method does not work, try to explain that such a categorical unwillingness to find a way out of the situation suggests that your spouse simply does not respect your opinion. Think about whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with a person who does not want to reckon with your opinion in any way. Maybe if the husband understands that he can lose you at any moment, he will agree to your proposals and go forward.