How to put a husband in his place: psychological methods and methods, advice from psychologists

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Those who are familiar with the work of Anton Pavlovich Chekhov are familiar with his statement that happy families are similar to each other, and each family is unhappy in its own way. Family life is indeed full of difficulties, the main of which is the relationship between husband and wife. Let's look at the main problems that spouses face.

The husband is the leader in the family

How to put your husband first? This is a topical issue for women whose husband prefers to sit quietly behind his wife's broad back instead of taking on the role of leader and support. Many women are fine with this because they are used to being in charge, but in fact, almost everyone wants to at least occasionally feel like a woman and allow themselves to be weak.

Weakness - does not mean helplessness in this case. An elementary household question: the neighbors are noisy at night. If a man comes out to talk to them, and not a woman, this does not mean that the woman is weak. A man simply takes on the obligation to protect his family, which is actually absolutely normal. If you want your husband to be the leader in your family, properly encourage his courageous behavior.

The husband who oversteps the bounds of behavior

Unfortunately, there are situations when a husband "loses his conscience" and begins to behave absolutely boorishly. At the same time, he often uses the argument "I'm a man", hinting at his natural brutality, aggressiveness and, possibly, even polygamy (on the issue of betrayal). If a husband is insolent, how to put him in his place?

Returning to the statement that female weakness is not a synonym for helplessness. When motivating your man to be the leader in the family, it's important not to put yourself on a level below him. You are spouses, partners, therefore, in a he althy relationship, the husband and wife perceive themselves as equals, otherwise conflicts cannot be avoided.

Let's return to the question of how to put a husband in his place. If he allows himself unworthy behavior, and you want to save the relationship, you need to talk. Openly, honestly, but without tantrums and accusations. Explain what exactly you are dissatisfied with and offer to find ways to solve the problem.

In conflict situations, a question asked in a calm tone helps: "Do you seriously think that talking to me in such a tone is normal?" The main thing is to be confident in yourself and value yourself, then he will hear your question. Otherwise, you may not even notice.

How to put an ex-husband in his place

Not enoughwhether there are situations when the ex-husband does not disappear from your life. It's one thing when you have any joint issues that need to be resolved, or if you have children in common. And it's quite another when the ex-husband just visits you, not missing the opportunity to say some nasty things or do something unpleasant.

There is no universal formula for how to act in this case, since all situations are individual. The recipe from the previous paragraph will definitely work - appreciate yourself and do not let yourself wipe your feet. Then any dialogue will go much easier. Try to talk to your ex-husband. If he doesn’t understand the words, but you don’t have common affairs, you can rudely repulse him, or better, threaten him with the police if he harasses you or regularly humiliates you.

Ideally, check with a lawyer you know about the number of the paragraph in the Civil Code that your ex-husband violates. A specific indication of why you are going to hand over his identity to law enforcement agencies can cool the ardor of a former lover. Most importantly, do not provoke aggression against you or a desire to take revenge on you.

Husband cheated, but mistress impudent

Very unpleasant situation when it turns out that the husband has cheated. To forgive betrayal or not is a purely individual decision. But it is especially unpleasant when the mistress turns out to be a daring special and unpleasant person who for some reason decided that she had any unconditional rights to your husband. In the first minutes, when a woman just caught her husband cheating, it can be very difficultto recover from the shock and find the words needed, because it is not clear how to put the husband's mistress in place. But self-control helps a lot.

First, accept the fact that your husband is a free person, not your property. And no matter how unpleasant the fact of infidelity may be for you, if your husband decides to leave for another woman, this is his right.

Second, keep your dignity. Try to imagine which deceived wife will look more worthy: the one who will scream hysterically and emotionally drive her mistress away with her husband, simultaneously showering them with obscene expressions, or the one who will calmly say: "Get out!". You don’t want to offend a confident woman, and if her mistress opens her mouth to say some kind of sarcastic comment, in a calm state you will quickly find a worthy answer to her remark.

It happens that in such a situation you have to think about how to put your husband in his place. The verbal flow that many men caught "at the scene of the crime" begin is mainly aimed either at justifying themselves or at shoving all the blame onto external factors, including you. For example, "Well, I'm a man, it's normal that I sleep with women" or "It's your own fault that you don't have the same figure as hers." What to say to him must be decided depending on his arguments. It's one thing when he apologizes, it's another thing when he blames someone else for his betrayal, but not himself.

Husband's tactless sister

MoreOne problem that married women often face is their husband's relatives, who love to get into the affairs of a married couple. The biggest difficulty is that you usually have to be polite with them and tolerate their faux pas. Practice shows that most married women complain about the behavior of their husband's sister. Even among the people there is a proverb: "The sister-in-law is the snake head" (the husband's sister is called the sister-in-law). How to put in place the husband's sister?

Again, keep your composure. If talking to her doesn't help, or you know it won't help, try to distance yourself from her, ideally with your husband. It is important not to try to put your husband between you and his sister, because for him this is a difficult choice: on the one hand, his beloved woman, and on the other, a relative. Who enjoys being literally in the line of fire?

The question of how to put a husband in his place is solved much easier, because the husband is your soulmate, while his sister may well successfully "move out" from the topic of conversation and pretend that she never and did not interfere. If her behavior is frankly tactless, and the husband also sees and understands this, you can openly tell his sister that you are not satisfied with her actions towards you. Better if your husband talks to her.

In any case, your family is your family, and only you and your spouse make the rules in it. If both you and your husband have the same point of view, then it becomes much easier to decidequestion with lovers to criticize your marriage union.

Forgive or drive away: tyrant husband

Perhaps the worst thing in family life is an inadequate husband. The once beloved man turns not just into a boor, but into a real tyrant, and many women tolerate this, because "we have children" or "he used to be good." Are you ready to endure humiliation just because he once did not behave like that? Are you ready for your child to perceive such family relationships as the norm? If you are not ready, then you need to understand how to put a tyrant husband in his place.

If a man allowed himself to raise his hand against you or from time to time commits moral violence against you or your child, you can try to speak frankly with him, as in the case of a boorish husband. But if the conversations did not help, and the tyranny at home continues, it is better to leave him, otherwise it can only get worse.

Main causes of conflicts

• Misunderstanding. Have you noticed that the advice to "talk" is present in every case? Undoubtedly, there are situations when it is obviously clear that talking is useless, but in most cases it is much easier to dot the E's than to quietly hate each other.
• Rejection of another person's choice. Many people have a clear idea in their head of how the other person should behave, and when his behavior does not go according to the script, they begin to be offended or angry with him. The fact is that the behavior and actions of another person are hispersonal choice and area of responsibility. Realizing this, you can not only solve many problems at once, but also stop provoking them.
• Disrespectful to yourself. The freedom of one person ends where the freedom of another begins. Based on the previous point: you need to respect the right to choose another, but if he chose to hit or humiliate you, this is already an invasion of your personal space. If you allow someone to treat you like this, change the attitude towards yourself urgently.
• Inflated self-esteem. The very phrase "how to put your husband in his place" can already sound rather rude, because in this way you take upon yourself the right to decide where his place is.

General recommendations

• Keep your composure.
• Assess the situation soberly, then you can act adequately, guided by reason, not emotions.
• Respect both yourself and your opponent, be it your husband or his mistress.
• Again, respect yourself. The people around you treat you exactly as you allow them.
• Remember that breaking up a relationship is a big step. Think before you decide.

Conclusion

In fact, you can try to resolve any conflict with a frank conversation. If it does not help, then you need to go to extreme measures: divorce, time out, going to a psychologist or a psychiatrist, and so on.