Should a woman marry with a child? Of course, when a second marriage is concluded and the spouse has children from the previous one, then on the one hand it's just wonderful.
After all, the woman decided to get rid of the burden of the past and rushed to a new life, starting all over again. However, she will no longer be able to build relationships literally from scratch. You will have to pay attention not only to the husband, but also to the child. And besides, to establish relations between them. It often happens that a stepfather has a dislike for his wife's child. What to do in such situations?
Some of the actions of the new spouse may clearly indicate that the husband offends the child from his first marriage. Dislike on his part can be manifested as follows:
- constant nagging at the child for the slightest reason;
- humiliation and insults;
- make fun of the child, as well as the practice of cruel jokes on him;
- Threats of physical harm to both child and mother.
A man can also express his dislike by not being afraid to raise his hand against his stepdaughter or stepson. It is not necessary that he beat them. Dislike also manifests itself when the stepfather shakes the child, pinches him, pulls his hair or pushes him.
The fact that the husband hates the child from his first marriage can be said in the event of his sexual inviolability. And it does not matter who is being sexually abused - girls or boys. That is why the mothers of their sons should also be attentive to the relationship of the new spouse with their child.
Is there any dislike?
Sometimes a woman complains that her new husband hates the child from his first marriage. However, this is not the case. The fact is that after a divorce, many mothers are so obsessed with the well-being of their child that they begin to take an unacceptable position in relation to the rest of the world. In many cases, "divorced women" perceive the people around them as personal enemies, believing that children are always right just because they are children. They are sincerely sure that the new husband hates the child from his first marriage, as he expresses obvious or imaginary dissatisfaction with the sometimes very negative behavior of the child. A woman perceives this as a challenge to her maternal feelings and a clear insult to them. She claims that her husband hates the child from his first marriage. But in fact, she simply protects her son from male influence. And this applies not only to someone else's uncle, but also to his ownfather. But the girl's mother is able to begin to suspect her husband of pedophilia.
The slightest remark about a dear child is perceived by such ladies with hostility. The woman immediately begins to tell her husband that he is not the father of the child, and will certainly go on the attack. Children evaluate this situation in their own way. They begin to understand that their mother is on their side. And even in those cases when at the beginning they accepted a new family member completely normally, later they begin to ignore their stepfather and even provoke him.
It is important for a woman with a child from her first marriage to understand that her new husband, even if he is not even the father of her child, as a family member has the right to regulate the behavior of the child, be interested in life and study, and also express certain wishes regarding his actions. Be that as it may, it is impossible to focus only on the child. The main issues of family life should be decided based on the needs and interests of each member.
Reasons for hate
Often women complain to their girlfriends and friends: "My husband does not like children from his first marriage." However, they cannot understand the reasons for such hatred. And this can happen because of the following:
- Dislike your wife's first husband. In such cases, the new spouse is tormented by jealousy, which is very difficult for him to fight. If for this reason the husband hates the child from his first marriage, what should I do? In such cases, it is recommended to seek the help of a psychologist. A specialist will help a man understand that a child is not at all a symbol ora reminder that his wife once had a sexual relationship with someone. A small person is a person who needs to be treated appropriately.
- Dislike your wife. People say that a man will love children as long as he loves their mother. This view is partly correct. And this is observed even in those couples where there are common children. And where a man is not his own father, and even more so. With the fading of love for a woman, her children begin to annoy him.
- Dissatisfaction with a certain aspect of family relationships. It is likely that the husband is not satisfied with this or that act of the stepdaughter or stepson. Or maybe because of the behavior of children, he constantly quarrels with his wife? Psychologists recommend considering each specific situation separately.
- Implicit hatred of children in general. If for this reason the husband hates the child from his first marriage, what should I do? A woman should keep in mind that it is impossible to correct or cure such a condition. To continue living with such a person is to put your child in danger.
- Psychological or neurological diseases. Of course, in this case, it is quite difficult to blame a man for his dislike for children. However, the child is not to blame either. A woman must understand that it is not safe for her son or daughter to be in the same house with an unbalanced person who is not able to give an account of his actions and does not fully control his own behavior.
Why can a man hate a child from his first marriage, and what can a woman do to fix this situation?
Expect relationship development during the dating phase
Of course, a woman should not count on the paternal love of a strange man for her children. There are not many people who can treat the sons and daughters of a new wife as if they were their own.
However, dislike, as well as manifestations of hatred and contempt for a son or daughter, should also not be allowed. If the chosen one shows such an attitude already at the stage of dating, then one cannot turn a blind eye to this. To think that everything will pass and settle by itself is fundamentally wrong. Every mother should know that a man who has expressed hatred for her children already at the stage of the candy-bouquet period will not change and will not get used to them. It is not worth continuing to develop a relationship with such a person. After all, a woman for the sake of the presence of another man will have to sacrifice children.
Do not cancel the usual rituals
It is the children who suffer the most from parental disagreements. They can’t influence the situation in any way and force dad and mom not to get divorced. The life of children after this radically changes. At first, they see a silent, unhappy mother, and then a complete stranger appears in their house. And with this unfamiliar uncle, the mother begins to reckon with him, spending most of her time with him.
Children in such situations have to experience incredible shock. It has an impact not only on their behavior, but also on their entire subsequent life. And at that moment, it will depend only on the mother how tangible the consequences of such a shock will be.
What should a woman do to keep peace in the family? To do this, she should not radically rebuild the life of her child. No need to force him to change his habits either. The rituals that were before the appearance of a new person in the family are very important for the child. He should be able to hug his mother and kiss her before going to bed. Talking with the child about everything in the world is also important. A growing person needs to be made clear that his life, as before, is inextricably linked with his mother, and the arrival of a new person will not take away her attention, care and love.
Contact a psychologist
A woman should understand that the situation when there is a second marriage and children from the first marriage is rather difficult. But if happiness smiled at her, and on her life path she met a person whom she is ready to see as her husband and father to her child, then how promising such a relationship will be depends largely on her. That is why she should be patient and show wisdom.
And if the relationship between the stepfather and the child does not add up? It is likely that the most correct in this case would be to turn to an experienced psychologist. The specialist will help to understand the main causes of the problem, making it easier to smooth out certain roughness in relationships that are associated with the fact that the child is a stranger to her husband and often annoys him.
How to build a happy relationship in a new family? Often this is a matter of time, as well as tact and patience. Of course, this can only be saidif the new spouse himself wants to build a new family. The woman only needs to help him with this. This will allow the question not to arise why the new spouse hates her son or daughter. To do this, a woman will need to competently, accurately and in time smooth out those misunderstandings that will arise between her stepfather and children from time to time. In addition, the wife needs to explain to the new husband that her former family will occupy a certain place in the new life. And this moment a man should not annoy. It is important for him to learn to accept this fact. Otherwise, there can be no talk of any joint life. A happy family without understanding these moments is simply impossible.
How to build relationships in a new family? In order for the new husband not to be imbued with hatred for his wife's child from his first marriage, rivalry between them for the location and attention of a woman should not be allowed. In other words, they should not share it. It is important to adhere to the axiom that everyone should have their place. A woman will certainly have the strength to care for and love each of them, without infringing on or depriving anyone. It is worth remembering that most men in their psychology are the same children. That is why they behave accordingly. Men have grievances when they feel that they were not given enough, they were misunderstood and disliked. That is why the new husband should not be in second place after the child. It is hard for a new spouse almost the same as for a native child. And no matter how hard they try, they cannot do without the help of a woman.succeed.
Don't rush to have a baby
How to improve the relationship between stepfather and children? Some women, in order to create peace and comfort in the family, seek to give birth to a new life partner of their own child. However, psychologists do not recommend rushing into this. You need to live together for a while to get a good look at each other. In addition, a woman's child will definitely be jealous of her half-brother and sister for her mother. On this basis, conflicts will arise between the stepfather and the stepson or stepdaughter. And this will cause even greater hostility and hatred of the husband to the wife's child. And then the family will again collapse. Only the woman will be left with two or even three children.
Talk to your son or daughter
Sometimes a new husband at first tries to establish relations with his wife's child. However, on the part of the child, he sees only one reaction of aggression and irritation. In this case, the woman should talk to her child. And do it right. In her conversations, she needs to point out that the new dad is kind and good. He takes care of his new family and protects them. The child must understand that this man is not his enemy, but a good friend. It is important for a woman to bring her husband and her child closer together. And for this they need to spend their free time together, going on trips, traveling, organizing picnics and inventing various games. In order to achieve the desired goal, you will need to spend a lot of time. However, it is worth remembering that water wears away stone. Sooner or later, family relations will certainly improve.The new husband and child will become friends and will no longer annoy each other.
Only the persistence of a woman and her wise participation will allow family life to be directed in a quiet and peaceful direction. And then all household members will be able to feel like happy people again.
Stepfather and stepson
Relationships in a second marriage, if a woman has a son, as a rule, are not able to develop without conflict. In this case, there is a struggle between two men for one woman. Neither the stepfather nor the stepson have any reason to obey each other, show care or accept it. Feelings of respect and love between these people can only arise through long-term work or if some miracle happens in their life.
Most often, men perceive stepchildren as an annoying burden to the woman they love. The sons of wives allegedly prevent them from loving their spouse and are the cause of financial costs. But at the same time, stepchildren are also men, albeit still small. That is why male relationships begin to arise in the family, when everyone tries to prove that he is stronger, cooler, the boss in the house, etc.
From the side of the boy, the new dad who appeared in the family seems to be a natural disaster, an occupier or an invader who broke into their life with their mother. The third one is redundant for him. The boy had to endure the psychological trauma that is associated with a divorce, and here he also gets the feeling that he is losing his mother. But sometimes a stepfather can become a desirable figure for a stepson, because he will teach him to be a man. And if mom startsraise the authority of her new husband in front of her son, then the relationship between them can develop at an acceptable level.
New dad and stepdaughter
Such relationships have their own nuances. It is quite difficult for a new spouse to find a common language with a girl who does not want to accept him. It's one thing if it's still a baby. In this case, the mother should help find a common language for the stepfather and stepdaughter. She needs to clearly explain to the girl that her father will no longer live with them. How will the relationship continue? Everything will depend on the new dad.
If the mother could not improve the relationship between the stepfather and stepdaughter, then you should consult a psychologist. After talking with the girl, the specialist will recommend what should be done in this case.
It's quite different with adult daughters. In adolescence, youthful maximalism works. The girl will express her strong conviction that the mother is no longer at the age to start romances. Sometimes these teenagers begin to feel lonely and abandoned. Often they even leave home.
Having an adult daughter, a woman should think carefully about whether she should marry a second time, because it will be very problematic to establish good relations in a new family.
Sometimes it happens like this: a woman begins to realize that she is afraid of a new spouse. How to protect a child from a tyrant stepfather? In this case, a woman needs to break off relations with such a person. And this must be done as quickly as possible.
Today, all over the world, you can count millions of wives who are under the rule of a domestic tyrant. They suffer themselves and force their children to suffer, who endure insults, humiliation, and beatings. Often they are sexually abused. What to do in situations where, for some reason, a woman cannot leave her tyrant husband? In this case, she needs to seek help from relatives, friends, parents, neighbors and other people who are friendly towards her. You can also visit the center for social assistance to families and children. This is a state organization, which it is desirable to apply to those who need psychological and moral support. The center for social assistance to families and children employs qualified specialists who will calm the woman in any situation and allow her to work out the right decision.
If a tyrant husband inflicted beatings on his wife or her child, then you should contact a medical institution, confirm the presence of bodily injuries and file a complaint with the police. If necessary, you can also contact charitable or religious organizations.
Finally resolve the situation
If a woman simply turns a blind eye to the fact that her new husband hates the child, then it is quite possible that she will simply lose her son or daughter. After all, the betrayal of a mother who, in spite of everything, seeks to arrange her personal life, they will never forgive, and can break off all relations with her.
Consequences of a husband's hateful attitude towardsthe child of a wife from a previous marriage is such that the son will grow up, sincerely believing that all women are traitors and traitors. He will not be able to build his personal relationships on trust and it will be almost impossible for him to create a strong family.
The daughter will either grow up to be a man-hater, since it was from the representative of the strong half of humanity that she had to suffer in childhood, or she will begin to sacrifice her interests and life to men. But in any case, she will not have normal family and sexual relations. And in the failed destinies of children there will be a share of the mother's guilt.