Husband's children from his first marriage: problems in communication, relationships, advice from psychologists

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

When a woman meets a man suitable for her in all respects, she is little interested in his past life. And even more so, children from her first marriage will not become an obstacle for her. The husband is nearby, life is arranged, and happiness overwhelms the new cell of society. And then the past family breaks into life, and problems begin. Today you will learn how to avoid the most common mistakes and get in touch with your husband's children.

The main question

Inheritance. The husband's children from his first marriage can claim property and other valuables acquired by their father in another family. You can’t argue with the law, and it’s useless to try to fight through the courts, unless there was an agreement between the spouses. If your plans do not include the division of jointly acquired property, then this should be taken care of in advance - before marriage.

Inheritance children of the husband from the first marriage can only receive from the father. To your share they are nothave no relation. Do not forget that you will have to share between all the heirs of the first stage - the children, spouse and parents of the testator. That is, your common child is also included in this category. The rights of the husband's children from the first marriage are enshrined in legislation, so there is no point in fighting for what belongs to them a priori.

Adoption

Life situations are different, and it may happen that you yourself want to make a child a member of your new family. Or circumstances will develop in such a way that he will no longer be able to live with his own mother. This procedure is quite simple, but you will have to collect certificates. Adopting a husband’s child from a first marriage with your consent alone will not work. Carefully study the list of documents you need:

• Certificate of no criminal record from mother.
• Medical proof of he alth.
• Certificate of financial situation and employment.
• Autobiography.
• Provide proof that you own or have the right to use the property.
• Certificate of compliance of the residential premises with all sanitary and technical requirements.
• An act drawn up by the guardianship authorities, confirming that a survey of living conditions was carried out.
• Marriage certificate with the child's father.

Before you start collecting the necessary documents, you need to get the consent of your mother. In the event that she is not deprived of parental rights. Either you have to prove that she has not cared for for some timebaby properly without good reason. Then you should apply to the court and collect documents for the child:

• Conclusion from a medical institution about he alth.
• Information and characteristics from a school or kindergarten.
• Consent of child (if over 10).

The trial is held behind closed doors, and it is prohibited by law to disclose its results. After you have adopted your husband's child from your first marriage, he loses all connection with the biological mother. The birth certificate will be amended to include your last name in the "mother" section. From this moment on, you are equal to the natural parent and have all the rights and obligations in relation to the child.

Possible problems

Adult children from the husband's first marriage can adequately accept the father's decision, and you will not have any trouble. But it may happen that they hate you at first sight. There are several reasons for this, and all of them, most likely, have nothing to do with you. For them, another woman will become a natural obstacle to meeting with their father. In addition, not everyone will like sharing their parent with a strange woman either. What should be done in such situations?

First, you need to be patient. Children do not know you as well as their father, and therefore do not yet understand how to react to your appearance in the family. Over time, they will be able to consider you from all sides and find positive qualities. Secondly, do not try to penetrate their personal space. If they do not reach out to you and do not ask questions, then you do not need to insist onthat they share their secrets. Monosyllabic answers "yes" and "no" indicate that the child is not yet ready for heart-to-heart conversations.

Don't try to impose your opinion. Adult children already have their own views and they do not need your moralizing. Present your statements as advice or a wish. Never allow yourself, even in anger, to speak unflatteringly of their mother. Whatever she is, she will always remain their mother and they will take her side. Even one word can hopelessly ruin your relationship with your husband's children from your first marriage.

Do not try to prevent them from communicating with their father. One day it may come back to you. After all, they will always be his children, but he can change his wife at any time. Don't get on the slippery path - you may find yourself overboard the family boat.

Jealousy

One of the most pressing issues for women who married a man with children. What to do if you are jealous of your husband for children from his first marriage? Family life will never be calm - at any moment the children may need a father and he will have to come to the rescue. Weekends will have to be shared with children, and not every woman will like it. At some point, anger and jealousy will come. Why is a legal wife forced to sit at home and wait for her beloved husband while he spends hours of rest with his child? Inevitably, this situation will lead to scandals and a showdown.

Psychologists advise husband's children from first marriage not to push away and spendleisure in a friendly company. Another thing is if the child himself does not want to share rare hours with you. In this case, it's best to just be patient. During adolescence, dates will be shorter and less regular.

How to adopt a husband's child from his first marriage?

If you are facing such a major change in your life, then you should understand a few simple truths. The most important rule - do not try to love the child as your own. This is not your child, and even if over time you begin to have tender feelings for him, then these will be completely different emotions, as if he were your own child.

Do not expect reciprocal feelings from the child. It will take a long time before he gets used to you and begins to trust. Do not force him to call mom - you can cause psychological trauma to him. If the child is very small, then he will do it himself without difficulty when the right moment comes.

Try to spend more time with your child, doing common things. It should be not only games, but also various household processes. Shared interests will help you not only get closer, but also establish a strong emotional connection. Gently ask your child about his hobbies. Perhaps among them there is something interesting for you.

Don't treat your child like your ex-wife's son or daughter. First of all, it is the blood of your husband and the brother or sister of your child. They have the same father and are considered relatives. Treat him like one of your family members. Do not infringe on himrights, but do not focus on it all the attention.

No need to surround the child with excessive attention. Even children are very sensitive to falsehood, and you do not need distrust on their part at all. Be courteous and considerate, but do not try to fulfill every whim. You can become a hostage of a juvenile trickster. If you got a difficult child, you will have to be patient and try to raise him as your own.

If you have children from your first marriage

This situation is also not uncommon. What to do if the husband does not love the child from his first marriage? The main reason for this behavior of a man is that for him a son or daughter from another person is a daily reminder that you had a different life before him and you loved another person. He constantly sees confirmation of this fact before his eyes. He loves you, but he dislikes the child, because he has to share your attention. Problems begin at the moment when the spouse begins to unreasonably find fault or even punish and raise his hand. You cannot close your eyes to what is happening. Taking the side of the child will only aggravate the conflict even more. Conversations and arguments will not help here - you need to contact a family psychologist before the situation leads to a tragedy.

Children from the first marriage, the second husband can even love no less than his own. Especially if you don't have a child yet. The situation may change when children appear in this marriage. A spouse can switch all attention to their own baby and stop caring for their elders. If he doesn'tbegins to show aggression towards your children, then this is a normal situation. Your child will come first and their needs will be prioritized.

It's a completely different story if the husband does not love his child from his first marriage. There are several reasons for this. Perhaps the first wife cheated on him, and he is not sure of paternity. Either initially there was a very bad relationship between the spouses, and the child only aggravated the situation. There are ladies who, with the help of pregnancy, force men to marry. Nothing good can be expected from such a marriage either.

You don't have to do anything in this story. This is the relationship of your spouse and his previous family. You should not try to force him to love his child or force him to date. Enough timely payment of alimony. The husband himself must sort out his feelings and you should not take sides.

Sense Education

Sometimes from women you can hear such a phrase: "I hate my husband's child from my first marriage!". Such strong emotions appear over time, and not after the first sight. A woman can't just dislike a child like that. He is not a threat to family happiness, unless the ex-spouse manipulates the common child for her own benefit. But any woman will immediately feel such moments, and you need to deal with your husband and his ex-wife, but not with a child. Children do not give an account of what they are doing, if mom says that this will help return dad to the family, then you need to do everything that she says.

Otheronly if the child is old enough to be responsible for his own actions. He is not obliged to love you, and hatred for someone else's aunt, who took away her father, can push you to any actions. But this does not mean that a woman should respond in kind. Do not make scandals by involving the culprit in them. Do not try to appeal to conscience and prove him wrong - this will set him even more against you. You always need to look for an approach and explain that it is not your fault that your parents divorced. If you convey information to the child and change his attitude towards you, then hatred will soon disappear from both sides. It is important to understand that the child himself has become a hostage of this situation and it is not easier for him. Make him an ally, not an enemy. Allow what the mother categorically forbids (within reason). Make gifts and create a pleasant atmosphere for him. To make him feel needed and be able to reciprocate. You should also remember that the child will not disappear anywhere even after 10 years. It is best to start connecting with him while he is still small and open to everything new.

How to get in touch

If your husband has children from his first marriage, then sooner or later you will have to communicate with them. Not always a man will spend time with them in public places or in the house of his ex-wife. The second option is not for everyone. Invariably there will be thoughts that he is having a good time there and one day he may not return at all. It is best to always keep the situation under control. Do not forbid bringing children into your home.

Make friends with a childhappens not so easy. You initially became for him the person who destroyed his family. Even if the divorce occurred at the initiative of his mother. Don't try to be a second mother to your husband's children. This will not lead to anything good - you can make an enemy in the person of your ex-wife. Better become a confidant or older friend, whom you can tell what is carefully hidden from mom.

You can tell funny stories from your childhood to your baby. Older children will be interested in learning about your first love experiences. Give advice and provide a friendly shoulder. Psychologists advise the children of the husband from his first marriage not to lisp, but to treat them as equals. If your child has learning problems, help as much as possible. Don't make me sit over the textbooks, but just prompt and explain.

If you lose your nerves

Irritating husband's children from his first marriage? Take a break and stop talking for a while. On those days when a spouse brings a child to your home, dedicate yourself to your beloved. It can be a trip to the hairdresser, shopping, beauty salon or just visiting friends. You can’t bring the situation to the point where you go on a scream or make a scandal. The husband will not thank you for this, and the child will consider you enemy number one at all.

An adult should understand that children are often selfish and consider their father their property. For them, seeing him hug and kiss you is stressful. Leave the manifestation of feelings until the time when you are alone. Look for the reason first of all in yourself. Why does the child annoy you? Laughing loudly, screaming or throwing tantrums? Criticizes your dinner or says that mom cooks better? Ask him what he would like and what he likes. Gradually eliminate all factors that cause irritation. It's not difficult at all, you just need to be careful.

How to avoid blackmail

If a child is quite often in your house and does not have tender feelings for your person, then the moment may come when he decides to manipulate you. Children are very resourceful and in order to get what they want, they can resort to provocations and blackmail. A child with innocent eyes says that if you refuse to buy him a new phone, he will tell his dad that you beat him. And demonstrate a fresh bruise. Or even worse, he will injure himself in front of you. And then try to prove that these are insinuations. The standard position of native parents: "The child will not lie!". Will be. Moreover, it will do it easily and without any internal resistance.

An underage blackmailer needs to be stopped right away - give in once and you will be on his hook for many years. There is no need to be afraid of scandals and showdowns, it is better to immediately discuss the situation and stop any attempts to make you a sponsor. If you understand that the child will not stop and will continue to harass you with threats, then it is better to act tougher. The next time he asks you for something, pretend to agree. Take your phone and turn on the voice recorder. Then let your child know you've changed your mind and buyyou will not do anything, because blackmail will not achieve anything from you. Record the entire conversation, which will outline all the facts of extortion, and give the record to your husband. Now this is his problem. The next time a child wants to resort to such a method, no one will believe him.

In any case, you should not be led by such children. This will not only destroy your marriage, but also bring a lot of psychological problems. You should not depend on the mood or whims of the child.