Uncontrollable children: norm or pathology? Age crisis in a child. Parenting

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Unfortunately, many parents are faced with a situation where at one point they notice that their child has become uncontrollable. It can happen at any age: at one, three or five years old. It is sometimes difficult for parents to withstand the constant whims of the child. How to behave with children in such cases and how to influence them? Let's talk about this in more detail.

Outward manifestations of disobedience

What do unruly children look like? External manifestations can be very different. Children are very inventive in this regard, and each kid consciously or unconsciously chooses his own line of behavior. Surely each of you has seen how a child yells for no apparent reason and demands something from his parents, while he does not listen to the arguments of the elders and is not going to calm down. Parents are far from always able to calm their child in such cases, especially if such incidents occur in crowded places. And, as a rule, it is in public places that the child does not obey. He tries to grab objects that cannot be taken, activelyruns around, and reacts not in the best way to the comments of strangers.

Such situations can develop in different ways. The child can calm down, but after a while repeat the tantrum again. And it also happens that the kids behave approximately in the kindergarten and on the playgrounds, but at home they plague all relatives with their behavior. Why does the child disobey and demonstrate to others his disobedience? Where do unruly children come from?

To answer all these questions, you need to understand the reasons.

Reasons for unruly children

The causes of uncontrollability can be very different:

1. Psychophysiological (congenital features in development). In such cases, experts point to the presence of a hyperkinetic syndrome in a child, which manifests itself in excessive chaotic and involuntary movements. This pathology is characterized by behavioral disorders. In such situations, parents are in no hurry to consult doctors, because they do not know that such a condition is not normal and the child needs to be treated.
2. Age crisis in a child. If you began to notice that the baby regularly scatters his toys, does not obey you, and responds to all comments with hysteria, then most likely the reason for such uncontrollability lies in the age crisis (crisis of one year, three years, six or seven, adolescence). The age crisis in a child is quite normal. All normal children go through this stage. To all events in their lives, babies react with whims andtantrums, and at an older age, laziness and stubbornness are a characteristic manifestation. Children grow and develop, they get to know the world, discovering a lot of new and unknown things. At such moments, parents should pay more attention to their children.
3. Unfortunate child. Unruly children sometimes demonstrate inner trouble by their behavior. Their cries are signals for help. In this way they try to show that they have problems.
4. Wrong behavior of parents. Adults who do not have sufficient pedagogical experience create the wrong conditions for raising children. Sometimes parents themselves provoke a rebellion in the baby or, conversely, encourage his whims. Children, as you know, are not born bad. They behave as their parents allow them to do. Absolutely everything affects the behavior of our children: whether we allow them something or forbid it, whether we are indifferent to them or attentive. Unruly children, as a rule, are the result of illiterate upbringing of adults who do not have minimum pedagogical skills. Such parents do not want to take care of the kids and delve into their children's problems.

Hyperactive kids

If a child throws tantrums, what should I do? As we already mentioned, one of the possible reasons may be hyperactivity of the baby. For children with increased excitability, uncontrollability is a common thing. Such kids, even with a great desire, cannot control their behavior. What should parents do when faced with such a problem?

First they need to studyfeatures of the behavior of a child with increased excitability. You need to understand how these kids are different from others. But this does not mean that your son or daughter should throw tantrums. Disobedience can manifest itself in the active expression of emotions, desires, rapid movement, a sharp change in activity. The child may not respond to comments or calm down at your request, but not for long. Manifestations can be very different. The main feature of hyperactive children is restlessness, which causes unnecessary trouble for parents, and at the same time keeps the baby in constant emotional stress.

Methods of dealing with hyperactivity

If your child is yelling, you should be as calm and understanding as possible. Always remember that your aggression will give rise to retaliatory aggression on the part of the baby. You need to learn to be tactful and try to negotiate with your child, no matter how old he is: one year old or ten years old. We, as adults, must be able to restrain our emotions, we can do it. But children still do not know how to do this. Remember, if your son sees that you are absolutely calm, then after a while he will calm down too.

Experts recommend introducing a strict daily routine for hyperactive children. The fact is that such kids need to constantly do something. Compliance with the regime, a long night's sleep and afternoon rest will significantly reduce nervous tension. The child must clearly understand what he will do in each period of time. This workload will help reduce the manifestations of uncontrollable behavior,when whims and leprosy begin from idleness. Even the smallest child can be charged with any duties that he must independently perform.

Neurologists strongly recommend giving hyperactive children to sports. This method of dealing with the "problem" will help to find a useful application for the excess energy of the baby. The child must love sports. If he does not like one kind, you can switch to another, and so on until the baby finds what he likes. Classes in the section will help not only throw out excess energy, but also relieve aggression, as well as learn discipline.

In addition, adults should understand that if your son or daughter has signs of hyperactivity, you need to contact specialists such as a pediatric neurologist and psychologist. Neurologists will help you figure out whether there are congenital pathologies in the nervous system and brain, and a psychologist can find the causes of uncontrollable behavior.

Parental behavior

Some experts argue that there are no uncontrollable children, there are simply parents who do not know how to cope with their children. Even 1 child in a family with bad behavior can create big problems for adults.

Sometimes we don't notice how kids grow up fast and start to gradually fight for attention. They want to assert themselves. As a rule, this can manifest itself in the form of all kinds of protests against excessive guardianship, strict rules of conduct, or, conversely, the indifference of adults. Sometimes parents behave in such a way thattheir behavior only encourages moodiness and disobedience in children.

The most common cause of demonstrative and uncontrollable behavior of children is the lack of attention from parents. Adults may not be interested in the affairs of their offspring or spend very little time with them, which encourages children to act inappropriately. After all, for a person there is nothing worse than indifference, especially when it comes to children. They try to attract the attention of adults by any means.

Such problems arise in those families in which parents are inconsistent in their demands: mom and dad say opposite things, do not keep their promises, etc. In such families, even 1 child quickly begins to manipulate adults, and two children are generally able to turn life into a nightmare. And the parents themselves are to blame for this situation. All adult family members must agree on a common tactic for raising children.

How does mom feel?

Sometimes it's a pity for the parents of uncontrollable kids. Often, strangers unreasonably allow themselves to express their dissatisfaction with the mother of a young fidget, who cannot cope with the child. Of course, it's very easy to judge someone when you have no reason to.

A woman faced with her child's difficult behavior may react differently. Her reaction depends, first of all, on her psychological characteristics. Some mothers react to stress with quite logical inhibition,and outwardly to people this may seem excessive calmness and even indifference. Other women, on the contrary, begin to carefully control their child. Both options are not very successful.

If a mother is ashamed of her child's behavior, it's wrong. Of course, she is aware of the problem and is trying to influence the situation, looking for reasons in herself. But the child must be treated with love and understanding. Also erroneous is the behavior of those mothers who fully justify the actions of their children, writing off all the blame on teachers, educators, and those around them. Such a woman can form a very distorted view of reality in a child.

In any case, the surrounding people should treat mothers of children with problematic behavior with understanding.

Crisis 1-2 years

At almost any age, out-of-control behavior can be de alt with with the right approach. An uncontrollable child at a year or two is not a cause for great concern. At such a tender age, babies can be influenced by any means: distract them with their favorite toys, sweets, and interesting games. A number of requirements must be presented to the child, which he must fulfill: collect toys to the best of his ability, eat, sleep. The kid must clearly understand the word “no” and be aware of the prohibition.

Crisis 3-4 years

At 3-4 years old, children make their first attempts to learn independence, they try to do everything themselves. Little explorers climb everywhere in search of something unknown and new. If the child is well behaved,he must certainly be praised and cheered up with a smile. But scolding the kids is not worth it, you need to gently guide them in the right direction.

Crisis 6-7 years

At the age of 6-7 there is an intensive development of the cognitive activity of the child. Children begin to learn, enter a new regime and a huge society. The task of parents is to help the child to join the new team and learn to live in it. At this age, children receive their first serious communication lessons.

Teen Crisis

At the age of nine and older, hormonal changes begin, which in turn affect the behavior of the child. Students grow rapidly, develop, their interests change. Teenagers need to pay much more attention, it is very important for them to have the support of their parents and feel their understanding. Children need to be raised to be optimists. It is worth finding common hobbies and spending time together. And do not forget that you must be an authority for your son or daughter.

Basic rules

If you encounter childish uncontrollable behavior, then you should adhere to the following rules:

1. You need to be consistent in your deeds, deeds and promises.
2. The child must clearly master the prohibitions.
3. It is necessary to communicate with children on an equal footing, respecting them and considering their opinion.
4. At any age, the child must observe the daily routine, this will help to instill discipline in him.
5. You can't yell or lecture at children.
6. The important point is communication. As much time as possible, you need to spend with children, being interested in their affairs and problems.

Instead of afterword

If you are faced with uncontrollable behavior in your child, then you should think about the reasons for the situation. Attentive parents who devote a lot of time to their baby will be able to normalize behavior. But at the same time, do not forget that you are an example for your child, so try to be a worthy person to follow.