Children's behavior: norms, characteristics of behavior, age standards, pathology and correction

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Child stomping on the seat next to you, laughing or singing loudly, throwing tantrums in the store, collecting judgmental looks. In the kindergarten, they complain that he beats other boys, takes away toys from babies, or pulls girls by the ponytails. Or maybe the baby, on the contrary, does not play with anyone and silently waits for his mother at the window, not being distracted by games and activities? What behavior of children is considered the norm and where are its limits?

Innate curiosity

Every young (or maybe not quite young) woman or girl, passing by a child who threw a tantrum near the cash register, with a Kinder in her hands, at least once in her life, but thought: "Mine never will do".

And now he is born - the long-awaited and beloved baby, and the newly-made mother plunges into all the difficulties, delights and joys of motherhood. Somehow, suddenly and very quickly, it turns out that she does not have a peacefully snoring angel in her arms, illuminating everything around her.charming smile.

For the first months, mom copes with colic, postpartum depression and a new role - someone worse, someone better. The child is growing, physical problems, it would seem, are already behind, but difficulties of a completely different nature come in their place.

It all starts quite innocently - by 4-5 months the baby emerges from his blissful drowsy bliss and notices the world around him. Curiosity does not allow him to sleep peacefully and eat. Just grabs a bottle or a breast, and is immediately distracted by a car signal outside the window or a bright spot on the wallpaper, dozes off in a stroller and hears cawing crows.

Motor skills also haunt - by six months, it becomes difficult for a mother to change clothes for a baby who tries to roll over, reach for something or crawl away somewhere.

Awareness or instincts?

Up to about a year and a half, children's behavior is controlled by innate instincts and curiosity. Demanding a baby to stop crying, accusing him of manipulation, persuading a one and a half year old child to share a mold or convincing him that dragging a cat by the tail is not a good idea, it is very resource intensive and practically useless.

No matter how much you appeal to conscience, the baby will turn all the boxes that he can reach upside down and pour sand on his opponent's head in the sandbox. It is useless to fight this, and it is best to just adjust - remove everything dangerous higher, put plastic dishes or toys in the lower shelves, and distract those who did not share the bucket on the streetswings and a slide.

At about one and a half to two years, the baby has some awareness. He is still unable to cope with his desires or fatigue, but he is quite able to fulfill elementary requests like "bring a glass" or "don't hit this boy on the head with a spatula". Old methods are being replaced by new ones - persuasion and conversation.

Early Preschool

Until the age of three, children are still impulsive and practically do not have willpower, therefore it is at least premature to talk about the upbringing or deliberateness of their actions.

Three years is a peak, difficult transitional period, characterized by a sharp deterioration in children's behavior. On the arena of consciousness of a little man, until now he has not separated himself from his mother, his own "I" enters.

The child is acutely aware that his desires may and very often do not coincide with the desires of the adults around him. Clinging to this thought, the little man begins to defend his individuality in all possible ways - he does everything and always in defiance.

Crisis of three years

The crisis of three years overtakes someone later, someone earlier, but you can’t do without it at all - this is an important period of the final separation from the mother and understanding yourself.

It cannot be argued that children necessarily want to annoy their parents or upset them. Defending one's "I" and the boundaries of one's own freedom occurs rather unconsciously. And during this period, parents will have to give up the reins of government in someareas, whether brushing teeth, putting food on a plate or getting dressed for kindergarten, close your eyes and exhale.

The crisis of three years is considered the most difficult and provoking deterioration in the behavior of preschool children. The best remedy for the crisis of three years is considered to be giving the child a conditional choice, when the baby is asked to choose, for example, between kohlrabi and broccoli, or when the mother asks: "Are you going to brush your teeth after you wash your face, or before?" This minimizes resistance, as it gives a sense of self-worth and the ability to make choices.

Senior Preschool

At about age 4, everything will fall into place, parents will get used to the loss of a monopoly on the life of the baby, the child will improve and try on his new skills and freedoms, until the preschooler realizes that his freedom ends somewhere. It is at the age of 4 that a new round in the development of the child begins, which can last up to 5-6 years.

At first, the baby, intoxicated by his own independence and freedom of choice, with a sufficiently flexible and understanding behavior of his parents, does not feel a dirty trick. Until he suddenly realizes that in between things he stumbles upon certain boundaries. “Why, actually, broccoli or kohlrabi?” he asks, “Why not sweets?”

From this moment begins an active exploration of the boundaries of what is permitted with constant attempts to expand them. Not surprisingly, at this age, the social behavior of children deteriorates significantly. And it can becompletely uneven. For example, in the garden, where acceptable norms of behavior are clearly defined and unchanged, the child can behave well, but at home, where mom allows what dad has forbidden, chaos will happen.

Junior student

Over time, the child gains experience, expands his vocabulary, and improves communication skills. By about 5-6 years old, a preschooler understands that not everything and not always is decided by fists, and learns to communicate in other ways.

Simultaneously with the ability to negotiate, the child develops in himself such a quality as cunning. Sooner or later, first-graders or older preschool children begin to cheat, evade answers. This is not always a lie in the full sense of the word.

Some of the children lure the younger ones with promises of sweets or toys, someone incites others to be friends against someone. At the age of 6-7 years, it is desirable to minimize punishment, since they only provoke resentment and aggression. At this time, conversation becomes the main thing.

Kids at this age respond well to all sorts of instructive stories, try on the images of heroes of books and cartoons. First graders still love to discuss and discuss all the moments of their lives, you should use this openness to talk about unwanted or unacceptable moments in their behavior.

Street and school

Children's behavior at school often differs from their behavior on the street or at home. Here a huge role is played not only by the framework set by the educational institution, but also by the personality of the teacher. The more attractive the teacher is to the child, the more fair he considers him, the better he will behave.

It is often at school age that people encounter aggressive child behavior. Here people are divided into two camps: the victims ("Well, do something with him!") and the perpetrators ("What will I do with him, he does not obey at all").

Correction of children's behavior is the responsibility of psychologists or social educators. Parents should remember that aggression, as a rule, does not arise from scratch, it is a reflection of a lack of love.

An aggressive child, by his behavior, seems to make it clear to the adults around him that he needs additional support, support and attention.

Crisis and calm

The development of children's behavior is characterized by leaps: after a crisis there always comes a period of rest, during which tension gradually builds up and results in another crisis. At the time of each age crisis, parents should loosen the reins a little and provide the child with a new field of independence and responsibility.

You should know that the desire to simply suppress a child who is in a crisis age will only lead to new outbreaks of aggression and misunderstanding. An adult should be smart, understanding and resourceful in order to help a child get out of a difficult age and grow up a little.

Six childhood crises - steps on the way to adulthood

Psychologists identify only six major childhood crises, characterized bya significant deterioration in the behavior of children. Despite the indicated age, all crises are extremely conditional and may deviate by several months or even years from the indicated figures.

• The neonatal crisis. The first few months are some of the most difficult in the life of a little person who moves from intrauterine to independent existence.
• Crisis of one year. The baby grew up and learned to walk. For the first time, he begins to separate himself from his mother and listen to his desires. At this age, children respond with extreme negativism to any prohibitions on the part of an adult.
• Crisis of three years. One of the most difficult periods in the life of a small person. Manifested by extreme negativism, protest against the rules of adults, independence, obstinacy and stubbornness.
• Crisis of seven years. The child loses his childish spontaneity and naivety, seeks to obtain external evaluation and social contacts. Seven-year-olds are characterized by pretentiousness and mannerisms of behavior, outbursts of inexplicable aggression.
• Teen crisis. It usually begins around the age of 13 and is associated with hormonal changes occurring in the child's body. Adolescents are characterized by emotional instability, the desire for emancipation and conflicts with surrounding adults.
• Adolescence crisis overtakes children at the age of 17-18, when hormonal storms are already behind. A person strives to finally separate from his parents, but at the same time he experiences increased anxiety and nervousness, often reacts aggressively to any help or advice.

Baby likereflection of family culture

"Don't educate your children. They will be like you anyway. Educate yourself" is a wise English proverb.

The culture of a child's behavior fully reflects the culture of family relationships and relationships between adults. Children brought up in families where open relationships reign, where everyone is always ready for dialogue and compromise, as a rule, are more flexible and loyal than their peers brought up in an atmosphere of strictness and obedience.

Every adult in any life situation (in a car, theater, cinema, queue, traffic jam, shop), communicating with strangers or unpleasant people, must remember that children do not listen to him, but are watching him carefully. And through these observations, they absorb and assimilate for themselves certain patterns of behavior and reactions.

Bad Behavior of Children: Prevention

As they say, any disease is better to prevent than to cure. Likewise, children's crises, despite the fact that they cannot be prevented, are best approached prepared.

One of the main conditions is the creation of a friendly, open environment at home, a willingness to understand the child and help him, no matter what situation he is in.

The second condition is sufficient, high-quality communication with children. It is vital for a child to be nourished by adults with energy, their love, affection. It is important not just to listen with half an ear to how his day went or what he learned at school. It is important to take part in this, discuss, ask around, andto be silent somewhere, to let them speak out or to casually advise something. And only then the problem of bad behavior will forever remain in the past, and crises will pass unnoticed.