2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21
In this article we will discuss a sore and very serious topic - how to save a marriage. Families break up almost every day these days. The reasons are different for everyone. But let's start the topic from the very beginning of the relationship - dating, first date. Why is this needed? Often the key is hidden there. And later, consider what can be done to save the relationship.
What you need to know before dating
Young people, having seen enough beautiful films, having read modern books, begin to think that an ideal marriage is built on beauty, romance. But it's not. No wonder they say: “Look for a wife not in a round dance, but in a garden.”
Remember that a family is not created for entertainment, but for a completely different purpose. Here you need to learn to give in, to compromise, to put up immediately after a quarrel, and even better not to swear at all. There is even an example in Orthodoxy: a family is like a bag of sharp stones. Shake it long and hard. Either the stones will eventually become like cobblestones, or the bag will burst. You need to learn to smooth out your shortcomings in the family, and not your beloved spouse.
Beautiful and expensive wedding or just painting
Believe me, a luxurious wedding is not a guarantee of happiness for life. A modest wedding, oddly enough, creates a truly happy and strong family. Do you know why?
You need to know the purpose of marriage. There may be such options:
- age is running out, I want to leave my parents, all my friends are already married;
- after the wedding, a beautiful life begins, the continuation of romance;
- pressure from the second half or third parties;
- pregnancy outside of marriage.
Unfortunately, in this case, there is no guarantee that love, marriage, family will exist until the end of life.
So what should be the goal? Of course, you need to learn love in the family. You need to do this yourself (yourself). You can't wait for your loved one to come first. This may not happen. Two proud people under one roof is a disaster. This is exactly what you need to learn to get rid of your own egoism, and not retrain another.
Why are we getting married?
Let's continue our serious conversation. How to get rid of your own egoism? There will be many reasons. During the next insult, try to be the first to come up, hug, say: “I'm sorry, it's my fault (a). Let's make peace, otherwise the heart shrinks at the sight of what is happening to us. In no case should you say: "Well, you yourself are to blame." This will not lead to reconciliation.
Why are we getting married? Family relationships and marriage are the school of life. It is no accident, for example, that in the Orthodox Church a person is given a choice: a family or monasticism. What for? To learn to truly love, but at the same time, one must go through difficult trials. This has deep meaning for the Christian soul. But even ifyou have a different outlook on life, you still have to learn love in marriage.
From romance to family life
The dating period is like a candy wrapper: it looks beautiful, tempting. But when the spouses are left alone with everyday problems and everyday life, the wrapper flies off. It is during this period that you must always remind yourself: at the beginning it is always difficult, you need to be patient. But how to save a marriage? You should think about it now, even if it's your first day together. There is no need to postpone everything until later, as it may be too late.
Marriage of convenience
Seldom such families last forever. But in a marriage of convenience, you can learn to love.
Consider another option: pregnancy outside of marriage. Perhaps the highest divorce rate for this reason. Whether to save the marriage for the sake of children or one child in this case? Of course, yes. What is the baby's fault? After all, the parents knew what could happen after happy minutes together. And the appearance of a crumb, which is a part of dad and mom, is serious: in this case, loving spouses should be brought together by such an event. But, oddly enough, they move away over time. Learn to love each other.
Unfortunately, it is almost impossible to convince the newlyweds. Because extramarital affairs were for pleasure, not for love. But even in this case, if you show patience and understanding, marriage can become happy, and relationships can be strong.
Do you live together before marriage?
Let's dispel the myth that we need to check each other out. According to statistics, out of a hundred civil couples, only ten reach marriage. And herethere is absolutely no hope that this is forever.
Don't take this fact as mysticism: they lived together for, say, 6 years, got married and divorced six months later. And there are endless stories like this. Does it make sense to play with fire? Probably not. You need to get to know each other while maintaining physical distance. Let at least six months pass from the moment you met. If the relationship cracked a year after they met, then it’s better to think about parting for a while to sort yourself out. In no case do not go to the extreme: start living together after reconciliation. It was all about extramarital affairs.
Character, habits, interests
What happens to a couple after marriage? Much is beginning to change: everyone no longer hides their character, shows their habits and does their favorite things. Wise and happy spouses say: “Do not look for people who are similar in character, otherwise you will simply crush each other.” What is the point? For example, you are a very gentle and quiet person, and your beloved is quick-tempered. A soft person is like water, and a quick-tempered person is like fire. To prevent a fire, it must be extinguished. Now imagine two fires in a house.
How to save a marriage if both are quick-tempered? Whoever is the first to realize the fallacy of such a relationship, let him try to begin reconciliation. If you feel that you are going to break loose, it is better to go into the next room, beat the pillow, do what you love, but do not start or continue the quarrel in any way.
Why spouses quarrel
Why are there disagreements? The reasons are different. It doesn't even make sense to list them. For you, the most important thing is simply to avoid quarrels, scandals. Believe me, the myth that sometimes you need to shake up relationships has not justified itself. On the contrary, each quarrel is permanently imprinted in the subconscious of both spouses. How to restore a relationship after another quarrel? First, put up first, don't wait. Second, don't let the new one appear.
Whatever the reason provoked a quarrel, try to resolve it in a compromise. Discuss how to come to terms with what is bothering you. If the conversation does not work out, seek help from wise spouses who have lived together for more than 50 years. A sweet old lady and ideal wife has a secret to share. In no case do not go to whisperers, magicians, inexperienced or unknown psychologists. The results will be disastrous.
Don't change
What is cheating in marriage? Betrayal. By the way, this is a good reason for divorce both in the registry office and in the Orthodox Church. With the commission of treason, the family perishes. Of course, there are cases of reconciliation of spouses, deep repentance, return.
To avoid cheating, you should pay attention to each other, spend time together, share your wishes and secrets, fulfill good requests. And, of course, do not look around, do not look at the girls (guys) on the street or in a cafe. It is impossible to compare a beloved (beloved) with others, to see in someone more merits than in a spouse. Remember: your half is the best!
Be together everywhere
When the weekend or vacation comes, thenalways spend time together. Have a fun party or picnic. In summer you can go to the river or to the forest for mushrooms, in autumn - go on an excursion, in winter it's time to go skiing or sledding from a hill, in spring - go rafting along the river with a group of tourists.
And if no trips are planned, then decide what you will do at home. Let the lesson bring pleasure to both. Do not spend all day playing computer games or watching movies - it will not bring joy to those who do not participate.
How to avoid a fight?
We have already mentioned above what to do if a quarrel starts. Just go to the next room and do what you love. In any case, do not continue the argument, even if your heart boils.
How to save a marriage when quarrels are far from groundless? Be sure to look for a compromise, give in to each other. Learn to be patient. Let us give an example: one elderly family has existed for 50 years. But the character of the wife was imperfect. She was constantly dissatisfied with something, grumbling all the time. The husband did not just endure all this, he treated her grumbling with ease and humor. The character of the wife did not become softer over the years, but they were a wonderful couple, everyone believed that they had a perfect marriage.
How to return happiness to the family?
Many spouses are wondering how to get their loved one back, what to do if everything is already destroyed, is it possible to build relationships again. Of course, you can, but on the condition that both want to change. If one person works, and the second is notneed, then everything is not like a boat with one oar: there will be circling in one place.
Think about whether the problem lies in the first place in you? Start changing yourself for the better. Do you know what makes an ideal wife? Of course, affection, care, respect. Do not forget that the husband comes home from work hungry: be sure to cook a delicious dinner. Let his favorite dish be on the table.
Do household chores together
Cook lunch together on the day off. For example, one washes vegetables, the other cuts them. The same goes for cleaning: do it together. By the way, how to keep a happy marriage in joint affairs?
Perform them every time the opportunity arises. Of course, you don't have to try to do absolutely everything together: if the husband has to finish assembling the furniture, then let him do only it while the wife prepares dinner.
Change your lifestyle and environment
Be out in nature more often, go on excursions, go to museums or exhibitions. Diversity in family life must be present so that it is not a burden. Often, monotony leads to discord and discouragement.
Nostalgia and a return to romance
You can remember the years when you just started dating. The feeling of being in love is remembered for a lifetime. What did you do when you were on a date? Try to surprise. For example, invite your other half to a restaurant for a romantic candlelight dinner or take a walk together in the places where you have been for 20 years.back. Give the same sweets as when you were young.
Remember that a happy marriage is entirely up to you. If you are still young, learn to maintain and improve relationships now. In any case, know that the most precious thing for you is your family. Spouse and children. Accept them as the best gift in life, take care of each other!
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