Family is built not only on love. First of all, its basis is understanding and caring for each other. Very often, young people, absorbed in their own feelings, do not understand that everyday life can destroy love.
Therefore, the issue of cohabitation should be approached as pragmatically as possible. It is better to discuss in advance all possible problems that may arise in the future. And it is desirable to solve them before painting, so that later no one would be offended. This article will help you find out the nuances of the division of responsibilities in the family.
Root of the problem
Scientists argue that it has not yet been invented and in the foreseeable future there are no such successful marriage forms that could replace the family and be the same progressive units of society. However, this cell is far from ideal. Researchers are concerned that women still take on most of the family responsibilities, while men are practically exempt from them. What makesthe fair sex go for it?
Historically, men have been primarily involved in earning money, while women are in charge of the household. This is what our ancestors and parents did. And we, decades later, repeat their pattern of behavior.
On the one hand, this model of relationships is more productive, it has worked for thousands of years. However, in the modern world, things are somewhat different. Women work on a par with men, and sometimes earn even more. This makes it possible to reconsider family traditions. In this case, it does not matter who is the most important in the family (after all, one of the spouses always turns out to be morally stronger than the other). It is important that they created a family together, so together they must make efforts to preserve it.
Many people think housework is easy. There is no more erroneous opinion. Scientists have proven that the load on the body when doing household chores is often higher than when working at an industrial enterprise. Studies have shown that only 24% of married working women receive the help of their husbands, and intermittent. Little help from children. This is fundamentally the wrong approach. The woman who volunteers to take on all the household chores while still working most often sacrifices her own sleep. As a result, her psyche is subjected to the most difficult test, which causes depression, anxiety and even aggression.
Where to start?
But not all spouses are ready to discuss the distribution of responsibilities in the family.Men often take for granted the cleanliness of the house, washed clothes and a hot dinner. Their spouses, in fact, independently accustomed them to this. And what a person receives every day, he simply ceases to appreciate. As a result, the wife begins to be perceived by him as a servant with the function of a cleaner. Moreover, the male half of the population is satisfied with everything. The thought, but whether they treat their spouses correctly, does not gnaw at them. It just doesn't cross their minds.
Therefore, women suffer, feeling like housekeepers, whose work no one notices. As a result, resentment accumulates, which can develop into a strong conflict or even end in divorce. But do not accumulate negative emotions in yourself. Scientists have long found out that they negatively affect the functioning of internal organs. If the current situation does not suit you, you need to sit down and discuss it. Discussion is the only way to peacefully resolve the current situation. You can, of course, scream and beat the dishes. Men generally do not like conflicts and try to avoid them in every possible way.
However, you must agree, this approach is unproductive and is fraught with loss of patience of the spouse. Therefore, psychologists single-handedly advise to gather a family council and discuss the responsibilities of each.
The main thing is to keep love
The main thing in the family is not to lose interest in life: optimism, enthusiasm, humor, finally. You can’t let everyday problems absorb all the beauty that was at the dawn of a relationship. But at the same time, you should not rush to extremes. After all, constant altruismone of the spouses will force the other to use it. Measure is good in everything, but you need to respect both yourself and your partner.
A wife who is always offended becomes a stone around her husband's neck, just like a husband constantly lying on the couch is an eyesore to a woman. Therefore, try to maintain ease in the relationship, and directly discuss all the problems with your spouse.
Men, alas, are not able to read between the lines, they only understand what they are told in plain text. To begin with, convey to the second half in the most accessible form that it is difficult for you to cope with household chores alone. And you need his help. He certainly will not be able to refuse the woman he loves. And your task is to transfer this help into the category of permanent affairs, to which the spouse will get used to very quickly. At the same time, it is important to convey to him a simple truth: who is in the first place in the family, and who is in the second, you should not think about it. The couple is equal.
Reasonable distribution of responsibilities in the family
First, discuss who and what things are easier to do. For example, a man who comes home from work late in the evening, a priori, will not have time to wash the floors. But it is much easier for him to take out the garbage on the way to work. On his day off, he also finds it easier to go grocery shopping while his wife cleans up.
It is important to discuss these points with your husband. Some men love to cook. And even if you are the only one who cooks truly great in the family, encourage this love. Although it may take a long time to clean the kitchen later, but this is notmain. Other members of the stronger sex hate washing dishes, but are always ready to walk the dog.
This is the reasonable distribution of household chores in the family. You do not demand the impossible from your soul mate, but at the same time you need her participation.
The distribution of responsibilities in the family depends on employment. For example, a spouse works hard and earns more. Then it is logical to transfer most of the household chores to the shoulders of a man. And if in the evenings the faithful meets you with a plate of fried potatoes, do not try to joke about the householder. A man may not show his mind, but resentment will hide for a long time in her subconscious. Instead, it is important to praise him, to show how much you appreciate his care.
And on the day off, psychologist Elena Strebkova recommends pampering her husband. This will thank him for his help around the house and show that you also care for him when possible.
If you notice that your husband is gradually starting to help around the house (even with numerous reminders from you), it is important to encourage him. React to any manifestation of "housekeeping" on his part with violent emotions - throw yourself on the neck, kiss and confess your love.
Men are sensitive people. Much more sensitive than us women. And showing gratitude for the work done is very important for them.
What about the kids?
If the child has already grown enough to carry out small assignments - that's great. For starters, you shouldteach him to collect his own toys. Older children can feed the fish, take out the trash or go to the store for bread. Involving children in household chores is not only acceptable, but also necessary. And so that the child does not forget, for example, to feed the fish, stick a bright reminder sticker to the aquarium. It doesn't matter who does what in the family. The important thing is to do it together.
Psychologists around the world are arguing about whether it is worth paying children for help. However, in our country, mothers tend to think that wages are wrong. Indeed, in the future, no one will pay their grown-up baby for cleanliness in the house and cooked soup.
Responsibilities of new parents
A small child requires constant care. Young mothers often find themselves on the verge of a nervous breakdown, endlessly caring for the baby. It is especially difficult for those who live separately and cannot rely on the help of their families. However, there is always a young dad who, although he works, must also experience all the delights of fatherhood. Therefore, the wife should give him at least a small part of the household chores. He can perform them in the evenings and on weekends.
For example, going out for a walk with a baby, a man will greatly help his beloved woman. Yes, and he will rest after a hard day's work. And a mother can get up at night to calm the baby, since the father needs to go to work in the morning, he should sleep.
Family is harmoniousorganism, therefore, assigning certain functions to all family members and refusing to correct them if necessary is the wrong approach. If, for example, the husband's duty is ironing, but he does not have time to properly dress his shirt before an important meeting, do it yourself. Help and mutual assistance are very important in the family.
Remember that the strength of relationships depends on the distribution of responsibilities in the family. Therefore, do not take everything on your shoulders if you do not want love to grow into resentment and mutual recriminations. Therefore, it is very important to determine who and what does in the family. Start small. You can even create a to-do list to help household members stick to the rules. Over time, you will see that through the distribution of family responsibilities, your families have grown stronger, and members have begun to appreciate each other even more than before.