2023 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-08-25 02:58
Depending on our personality, upbringing, values and life experiences, we approach the role of mother differently. Each of us has our own strategy of behavior in different situations. Moms can be divided into many types: types of mothers in relation to education, in relation to the diseases of their beloved child, they can even be divided into subtypes and presented in a comic form, such as, for example, mother-ensign, mother-boa constrictor, mother-know-it-all, mother- alarmist or mom-democrat. The nicknames speak for themselves. There are more than a dozen types of mothers on the playground alone. These are guard moms, instigator moms, baby moms, a sprinter, business women, paparazzi and many others. And you thought that mothers are divided into 2 types, no more? What about you? Which one would you classify yourself as?
Let's take a look at five of the most recognizable types of moms. Obviously, there are many more, but those described here will cover a huge number of parents.
If in one of these five portraits you recognize yourself or you have deviated from the normal pathraising children due to some life circumstances (like active work, for example), the advice of psychologists given in this article will help you correct the course. Here we'll take a look at five types of parenting you may have heard of lately and look at the sound, harsh, and practical aspects of each. These psychological portraits may well be applicable to the division into types of both mothers and fathers.
Desperate Housewives, move over, this mom's life is a soap opera! Worried that emotional dangers lie in wait for her child everywhere, she monitors the dynamics of games, analyzes the guest lists at birthday parties and checks every Instagram post for problems. A small, minor glitch in her child's world is an earthquake in her. She belongs to those types of mothers, when the child is sick or does not sleep well, then the mother is ready to call on shamans, energy healers and local psychiatry.
What is her strength? The drama mom knows what's going on with her kids, who they're spending time with, which increases their safety, which is especially needed in adolescence. Her children are also confident that they can trust their mother if something goes wrong for them.
What is she missing? She sets her kids up to overreact to the fact that they just need to let go. This can give rise to a child's tendency to dramatize or, conversely, develop his secrecy. Children who are under the "microscope" can lie and hide a lot behind their parents' backs.
How to fix mistakes for dramatic moms
The reality is that our children will be loved by some people and overlooked by others - that's life. When a mother is too emotionally connected to everything that happens in the life of a child, the refusal of her active participation in the life of a son or daughter is perceived by her too painfully.
What can be done? Keep an eye on the weather in your children's social life. Know their social media passwords and check in from time to time to make sure they visit safe places and chat with friends you know. But if you study every post or even comment, stop! It is very important that you allow your child to take his place in life. Find other social networks for yourself and ways to have fun.
She belongs to those types of mothers who believe that this world was created only for her child, and everyone else just lives in it. She will rarely finish a sentence in a conversation with another adult without stopping to tell him about her child's life in the style of a documentary. A baby may need a simple diaper change alone with mom, but instead of a simple “pit stop”, she will try to discuss his need with him, instill in him early independence skills, up to insults to his mini-dignity. The self-assured caregiver mom simply says no to idle pastimes, television, unhe althy sausages, and indulgence in the toy store. The flashing lights might spoil his young mind!
What is her strength? instinctsNurturing moms are on the right track: wisely limit viewing time, provide he althy food, and give children the freedom to discover their world.
What is she missing? Perhaps she feels guilty about the hours away from her child (after all, she has to work to be an example) and puts pressure on herself to be perfect at home. But if you teach your child that the world revolves around him, you can develop narcissism in him.
What to change in yourself as a mother-educator
Democracy does not work in families because the child does not have the wisdom or maturity to have an equal voice with adults. Children need boundaries. They worry when they are not. But that doesn't mean young brains can't learn important lessons. If you are firm in your demand - "time for a clean diaper!" - you demonstrate not only proper hygiene. You are helping your child learn to put off fun and even tolerate disappointment, two of the most important life skills. Game time is returned after the "work" of getting yourself in order is completed.
She's the type of mom who is obsessed with motherhood, work, relationships with a spouse, an educational program. Her calendar is full of commitments in small print. She looks uncombed because of the ragged bangs, which she trimmed herself, pulling on stretched yoga tights as she went. But she quickly explains to everyone that in fact she does not practice yoga. No time, no life - these children (with a hoarse,an offended sigh). There is nothing more satisfying for her than when someone says to her: “I don’t understand how you manage to do all this!”
What is her strength? She is a flint, a person who will take the necessary training if a pilot is suddenly needed, help with the housework of a neighbor with a broken hip and her work team during a crisis. Her children see their mother as reliable and caring for others.
What is she missing? The Martyr Mom too often plays second fiddle in her life. She is too immersed in the surrounding problems, which prevents her from making the necessary changes in her own life. Besides, being branded a martyr is no fun. Other mothers do not respect her because she herself does not show respect for herself. This type of caring mother shows children that mothers do not care about themselves, but only about others. And this feeling will stay with them when they become parents themselves.
How to stop being a martyr mom
Take a deep breath and unload your schedule. Be ruthless about childhood habits that make you feel the most tired, such as "mom isn't there until 7am." Skip the Sunday judo class or Friday night tutoring. And ask for help! Your children, your spouse, your friends. You really don't have to do everything by yourself. Wear yoga pants, but find some space for a gym mat in your life. As the airlines teach us, put on your oxygen mask first before helping others. By taking the time to relax and have fun, you allow yourselfrejuvenate. And that ultimately makes you a better mom and role model.
Thunder and lightning! This proactive mom removes all obstacles from her child's path. Super active at work, she uses the same negotiation skills to discuss assignments with teachers and game rules with coaches. The pride of this mother will be that her beloved girl graduated from elementary school, thinking that she never lost. Her child's puberty is still far away, but she's already studying college entrance programs, sororities, and promising majors just to keep abreast of the situation. As a result, she already has a five-year work plan.
What is her strength? She's a super-organized, efficient lawyer who gives her kids a great model of a woman in power. When they feel like relaxing, they'll know they have a stunt double.
What is she missing? Basically, she needs to let her kids relax on their own and stumble occasionally. Constant interference can make a child feel both more right and less self-confident. Never fail or fail can be the worst way to learn how to solve problems. In addition, "persistent snowplow" does not attract anyone around your child.
How to ease the pressure on the child to the controller mom
Relentlessly notice how many times you interfere, it can become a subtle habit. Ask yourself, "What's the worst that could happen if I don't intervene?" Keep in mind thatchild frustration is not fatal, in fact it can be a powerful motivator. Instead of solving the problem for him, support your child by listening and coaching. And finally, take a deep breath. It's not a failure, it's a given. Give your children the opportunity to solve personal problems and figure things out for themselves in an age-appropriate way.
Oh, this tough girl knows about helicopters and construction equipment, and boasts that her kids have "total freedom." After all, she makes her dreams come true at work, so her children should be free to find their own paths too. Favorite phrase - "When I was a child, I could …". Her kids will learn first-hand about sunburn, homework not done, and what happens if you forget to put on your shin guards at a football game. They are free to express their full range of emotions without restriction, which can be annoying to others or very loud.
What is her strength? Her children are competent, have good problem-solving skills. They probably won't bother with petty household chores, because no one in the house gets hung up on that. They know that when they feel sad, happy, angry or upset, they don't have to hold back their emotions.
What is she missing? Freedom is an acquired privilege, not just a refusal to participate in anything. To be fair, free-floating moms aren't as common in the world of modern parenting as the type 2 mom, for example. However, some parents suddenlyswitch and even become rude in high school: they are sure that if you teach permissiveness and give your children more freedom, this will help them become more popular. Be honest with yourself and ask why you are doing this? Is this a reflection of your youth?
How not to go too far with permissiveness
Children need freedom, but they also need support. When you are ready to give them space, control what they can do, look for options that will help develop the necessary skills: “yes, you can hang out with Sergey tonight, but please call when you get there, and when going home." But not freedom, which will lead to phone calls from angry neighbors, in the style of: "Of course, you can have friends over for the whole weekend while we're away." Allow your child to express his feelings, but at the same time help him learn to understand them so that he can calm down. Tell me the strategy developed by my own experience. Ah, coping strategies are exactly what all of us, all types of moms and dads, can use.
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