How to teach children to obey? Children's psyche, relations between parents and children, difficulties in raising a child

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Surely every parent at least once thought about how to teach a child to obey the first time. Of course, there is a sense in turning to special literature, to psychologists and other specialists, if the child refuses to hear you at all, and does not fulfill even the simplest and clearest requirements, acting in a completely different way. If the baby from time to time begins to show his “I don’t want, I won’t”, then you can fight this on your own, without resorting to repression and extreme measures. Today you will learn how to teach children to obey their elders without screaming, crying and tantrums, and not only parents, but also children will benefit from this.

At what age can you start demanding obedience?

Until a certain point before the babyYou can't deliver what you want from him. For example, some are interested in how to teach a child to obey in a year! I want to point out right away that this is unrealistic. The fact is that a baby at this age understands only the words “Ah, it hurts” (when you can’t, for example, climb to the outlet), “Ay-yai-yai” (when, for example, tore off a piece of wallpaper), but he still doesn’t he will go to bed exactly at 9, because you said so, he will not pick up his toys, but on the contrary, when he tries to collect them, he will scatter even more - he is playing! At the age of two years, babies have a clear "I need, I want, I don't want." They don’t understand why it’s impossible to do something if it’s so much fun, why you need to close your eyes and fall asleep if you don’t feel like it, and so on.

You need to start teaching obedience to children from the age of 2 years. Before - there is no point, later - you can be late, and the child will become, as many will say, spoiled and naughty! But there are no naughty children, there are wrongly set priorities, and the fault lies only with the parents.

We suggest that you first of all familiarize yourself with the 10 rules compiled by child psychologists. How to teach a child to obey, with their help it will be easier to understand. Let's take a closer look at certain issues below.

Golden Rules for Raising an Obedient Child

1. There are times when parents first instructed the child to do something (collect toys, remove scattered pieces of paper, and so on), and then they did everything for him, or canceled / postponed the order (for example, they took him for a walk,saying that you can do the task later). This cannot be done! You can cancel your own order only in extreme cases, if there is a real need!
2. Remember that the baby does not understand this: "Go there, you yourself know what needs to be done" (for example). The order must be formulated clearly, with fixed deadlines. For example: "While I'm cooking, you need to put away your toys."
3. It is necessary to teach the child to follow his instructions immediately. Only in this way will he begin to obey the first time, and you will not need to repeat the requirement several times. At the moment when a child has to do something, he should not have gadgets in his hands, he should not be passionate about something. First, you need to attract his attention to yourself, make sure that you are heard, the request is understandable and accepted for execution.
4. In front of children, parents should not swear and argue among themselves! If this happened, you need to quickly seek a compromise and put up with the child as well. For him, both parents must remain leaders, otherwise he will join the strong side, and the requests and instructions of the one who consistently loses disputes will simply be ignored.
5. If a child disobeys once, punishment should be applied. Disobeyed the second time - make the punishment tougher (not to be confused with cruel).
6. What was banned yesterday, remains today! Never change your mind. For example, yesterday it was forbidden to take sweets before meals, but today it became possible.
7. Too often you can't demand something from a child. Do not command him around the clock, he is not a soldierconscript, but just a child who has his own interests and needs.
8. A child should not be given tasks that are too difficult or too easy, everything is within his age and capabilities.
9. Do not allow familiarity in the family. Everyone should treat each other not only with affection and love, but also with respect and respect.
10. A child needs an example from an adult. If he sees how, for example, dad cut off mom’s request to wash the dishes 5 times, putting it off for later, or just “I don’t want it, another time,” then he will start doing the same! Lead by example.

How to teach children to obey? Where do you even start? We figured out at what age you can already demand something from a child, but we didn’t understand at what age and how you can slowly start teaching to obey parents.

How to start teaching obedience to a child?

You need to start from a very young age, but everything happens in the form of a game. Here you do not demand, but ask, the child should be fun, interesting. Here are some examples of obedience games:

1. Children love to be praised. Remember what causes positive emotions in your child, what he likes to do, which he definitely will not refuse. For example, the baby loves to hide his face with his hands, so ask him to show how he knows how to hide. Completed - praised. Then ask to bring you a toy, praise again when done. And so on.
2. "I do, you do." You can’t tell your child to put away toys (for example), while you yourself sit at the TV. Everything to doboth need. For example, say that you need (exactly need) to wash the dishes or cook (wash, iron, and so on), he is required to clean his room.
3. Make sure your baby doesn't forget what you asked for. For example, they asked even the smallest to bring a toy, and he ran to the arena with toys, got distracted, played too much. Remind you what you need. So it is with the older ones: keep reminding of your request until it is fulfilled.
4. If the task has not been completed, ask if the child did not quite understand what they wanted from him (or for some reason does not want to do it). Talking solves many problems!
5. Child from a very early age should be taught the concepts of "can not", "can" and "should". The kid should be able to distinguish between these requirements, understand that they must be observed.
6. Give your child a sense of responsibility. For example, say that his room is completely under his responsibility, and it must be kept in perfect order at all times. Or washing dishes is his responsibility.
7. Form conscientiousness in your child. Show that you are upset that he is not listening. Children are very sensitive to the grief of their parents, especially through their fault (if the family has respect for each other; if not, then it is foolish to expect this from the child).

Setting clear rules

How to teach children to obey if there are no set rules in the house? No way! Every family should have:

• daily routine;
• observance of traditions;
• shared responsibilities.

You can not allow concessions from other family members in relation to the child. For example, you said "no", and dad or grandmother immediately canceled your order and allowed everything.

For violation of the rules, you need to ask any member of the family, otherwise the baby will not understand why they are required from him, but not from others, or he will realize that there will be no punishment for an unfulfilled task or violation of the settings.

How to teach a child to obey without shouting?

Many parents for some reason are sure that the louder you yell at your child, the clearer it will be. Remember, your child is not deaf or stupid! If he didn’t do something the first and fifth time, then there are reasons for this, and they need to be eliminated. Your screaming will only complicate the situation, and because of this, the following problems are possible:

1. The child will simply start to be afraid of his parents, and not obey them. It is really very bad when children start to be afraid of their own mothers and fathers, the dearest people who must protect from all misfortunes. Your cries will be remembered for a lifetime, and then you can only wonder: "And why doesn't the son go to visit the old people, and the granddaughters are unlucky?".
2. There may be another outcome: the child gets used to your stable cries, "turns on the bullshit" and generally stops paying attention to all the demands: they say, he will scream, and stop!

So, how to teach a childto obey their parents without resorting to shouting and physical punishment? Learn from the first disobedience to apply simple punishments, tightening them each time. For example, he did not collect toys, did not make the bed. What are we doing? We do not watch cartoons, we do not go to the promised park. All this, of course, until the baby complied with the request!

Ignore inappropriate baby "want, don't want, must"

You have no time to play with your child, as you are busy with business, and he demands? Explain that later, once you're done with the hassle. Does not understand? Just ignore the whims.

They said to do something, and in response they heard "I don't want to and I won't"? Well, do everything yourself, but answer the child's requests in the same way. For example, if he didn't want to put the toys away, put them in a box and put them away and up, saying that now it's your responsibility, since he doesn't want to, and you do whatever you want with all this stuff.

Do not exceed parental authority

Easier to say, take off your crown! If you overload the child with your demands, instructions, set too many rules, nothing good will come of it.

For example, people often ask how to teach obedience to a hyperactive child. Many parents do not understand how to get along with such children, they begin to put pressure on prohibitions, scream because of any prank and disobedience. Everything here is easier than it seems:

1. The child should play enough, run enough.
2. Only when the baby is calm,you can demand something from him, ask for something.

Not only hyperactive kids cannot be loaded with their own requirements and rules, but also calm kids. Everything should be in moderation, the child is not a slave, not a toy that should "work" that way! It's just a kid who gets naughty sometimes.

How to teach children to obey? You can’t make mistakes here, and we suggest considering the most common ones.

Mistake 1

Many mothers and fathers are interested in how to teach a child to obey for 5 years, if before that he did not know the prohibitions and rules, he was given, as some say, a "normal childhood"! Children are more receptive to education at the age of 2 to 3 years. The older, the more difficult, because they understand that they can do everything. Here repression will not help, you will have to quietly, carefully introduce the rules. You cannot drastically prohibit, for example, even touching a vase of sweets, when yesterday you could still eat as many sweets as you like. Education needs to start on time!

Mistake 2

A sign of weakness. Children are cunning and will cause pity in anyone, do not give in!

For example, when someone is told to do something, the child immediately starts to roar like a locomotive, complains of being tired, that something suddenly falls ill, and so on. Do not revoke your instructions if they could well be followed.

Too many no's and no's

As you know, everything forbidden only stirs up interest and excitement! If the forbidden is within reason, then the child will follow the rules. If "it is impossible" to press, then the child will strive to break out of the networks of prohibitions, thereby violating your rules.