Children from the first marriage: family problems and mistakes in dealing with them

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Relations between second spouses and children from previous marriages often grow into a big problem. People break up, feelings go away, but children always remain, and their reaction to such changes cannot be predicted. When moving into a new relationship, you need to be able to correctly prioritize and not be led by the manipulations of the child. Each of the former spouses wants to re-create a loving and strong family. Children from the first marriage should not interfere with this. Therefore, it is necessary to learn how to properly build relationships between a child and a new life partner.

Family problems from children from a previous union

There may be constant disagreements between a new partner and a child from a previous marriage. The problems that accompany them can have a devastating effect on a new family. A partner's negativity towards children often arises for the following reasons:

• A man cannot have children of his own. This trauma makes him angry and constantly feeling dissatisfied. All the anger he can splash out onchildren who appeared to a loved one from another marriage.
• Dislike for children. Some do not want to have a child of their own, and even more so to spend their free time with strangers.
• The partner is overcome by a strong feeling of jealousy, which prevents him from thinking sensibly. It is difficult for such a person to share a loved one with other people, which also have a place in his heart.
• Some women show negativity towards children from their first marriage because of greed. It seems to them that the spouse spends too much money on their maintenance, which he could spend on a new family instead.

Relationship Tips

Every person should find the strength to confess their negative feelings towards the child. Only in this case, you can get rid of them and start living in harmony. To deal with negativity, remember the following:

• A husband or wife will not be able to give up their own children for the sake of peace in a new family. Therefore, you need to accept his past and try to restrain his emotions.
• You can't ask your loved one to choose between children and a new family. More often than not, this ends up in a broken relationship. Anyone would rather choose their own children than a love affair.
• You need to try to make friends with other people's children, because they are a part of a loved one. You can organize a joint hobby, a walk with the whole family in the park, or a trip to another country.
• Feeling negative towards your partner's ex-husband or wife, you can'tvent these emotions on the children. They are unwitting participants in this conflict, which can greatly affect their psyche. It is necessary to protect children as much as possible from problems between adults.

How to make friends with a child from your first marriage

Thinking about how to establish contact with a child, you need to put yourself in the place of the baby. It does not matter if he lives in a new family or comes occasionally. In any of these cases, he will be uncomfortable. The child will feel like a small kitten in a large and unfamiliar room. Therefore, it is necessary to do everything to make him comfortable and fun in the new house. The main task should be gaining authority, as well as establishing trusting relationships. To do this, you must adhere to the following recommendations:

• When a child is friendly, you should not push him away or treat him with disdain. Children subtly feel all the emotions of adults, therefore, only once allowing themselves a manifestation of negativity, you can irretrievably lose the trust of a little guest. This is especially true for minor children from the first marriage. Adults will take the creation of a new family by a parent more calmly.
• It is quite possible that the child will become jealous of his mother or father for a new life partner. This display of emotion is to be expected. Children have the right to be jealous of parents who have created another family. No need to react to it too violently and unrestrainedly. At first, it is important to try to participate less in the walks of a loved one with his child. You can organize themroutes, as well as any other types of leisure, gradually merging into their company. All pleasant emotions from spending time together will bring together.
• When trying to make friends with a child, it is very important not to overdo it. You don’t need to be nice to him a lot, pamper him too much, and also give him gifts. Hypocrisy has never helped anyone to make friends and win love. Therefore, you can not fake and exaggerate your true feelings. You need to sincerely want to make friends with the child of a loved one. This is the only way to find harmony in the family.

What should the new wife be ready for

When moving into a new relationship, a man dooms himself to constant throwing between two fires - a child and a wife may not get along with each other. A woman may experience the following situations:

• The husband's child from his first marriage lives with his mother. Therefore, a man has to constantly visit them. You need to be prepared for the fact that these visits will be quite frequent. In addition, the child will visit his father. The new companion will have to come to terms with the fact that even living in a different house and city, the spouse’s child will often appear on her territory, completely filling her husband’s personal space.
• There are also cases when the father of the family does not want to communicate with children from his first marriage, blaming his ex-wife for everything. In such a situation, she can become the aggressor. You need to prepare for the fact that the husband's ex-wife will constantly harass you with calls and threats, as well as demand money for children. Not everya woman will agree to live in conditions of constant stress, which creates the atmosphere of past relationships of a loved one.
• Money from the family budget will be spent on the husband's children. Before the wedding, a woman may not worry about what deduction for a child from her first marriage will be allocated from the money of her future husband. However, after the wedding, many couples are faced with a misunderstanding. A woman may not be satisfied with large child support from her first marriage. Therefore, you need to be prepared for how much money will be spent on this.
• Children can be left in the care of the husband. Various events are possible. One of them may be the transfer of all parental rights to a man. Therefore, you need to be prepared for the fact that you will have to fully accept children into the family and raise them as family.

Mistakes of the new wife

Every woman should behave reasonably and wisely. Especially if she chose a man with children from her first marriage. In making this choice, one must be fully aware of the full burden of responsibility. Relations with children from an ex-wife in any case will affect the atmosphere of the family. Therefore, you need to adhere to the following behavior:

• Do not prevent a man from meeting with children from his first marriage. When choosing between a woman and a child, he will always choose the latter.
• Show no signs of annoyance when children come to visit.
• In no case should a man be forced to choose between a new and a previous family. Children from both marriages are important and loved by him equally, but his wife can greatlydisappoint if it puts before such a choice.
• Don't be jealous of their mother.
• Don't be angry with the children when the husband calls them to visit or goes for a walk with them, because they are not to blame.
• Don't do anything emotional. Fathers and children from a first marriage can cause many different emotions in women, especially if their family does not yet have their own baby. You need to be able to behave calmly and reasonably. This is the only way to save relationships.

How a new wife should behave

To save your family and not upset your husband, you must adhere to the following line of conduct:

• When a husband's child from his first marriage comes to visit, you need to be friendly, look after him and try to maintain a harmonious atmosphere in the house.
• Write in a notebook all the important holidays of the child and remind her husband of them. A man will appreciate the care and will be very grateful for it.
• If the child is left in the care of her husband, you will have to fully accept him into the family, because he is an invariable part of a loved one.
• Do not show aggression towards the child of the husband from the first marriage. The advice of experienced women who have gone through such relationships indicates that this can only alienate and annoy the husband.
• Don't insult your spouse's ex-wife. Surely this woman will also speak maliciously about her ex's new family. No need to imitate such behavior, let the man see the difference. Nobody likes angry and feisty wives.
• Woduring a common pastime, children cannot be divided into friends and foes. This can bring discord into their relationship, and yet they are still brothers and sisters, although only on the paternal side.

If the new wife follows all of the above recommendations, children from her husband's first marriage will never interfere with the relationship.

A man's behavior with his children and new wife

Usually men don't care about rivalry between two women. Therefore, being between the former and current wife, they may not feel tension or irritation. However, their feelings change greatly if their own children become participants in the conflict. To cope with them and not destroy the new family, you must adhere to the following behavior:

• Show respect for your new wife. You can't make the woman you love jealous. Otherwise, she will pour out negative energy on innocent children who will become pawns in the game of two women.
• Treat children from ex and current wife the same. You can not single out someone more or less. In this case, it does not matter how many babies are in each family. Two children from a first marriage do not deserve more attention than one child from a current one. Such behavior is sure to lead to jealousy and scandals.
• If there is a strong resentment towards the ex-wife, this is not a reason to take out the anger on the children, ignoring their existence. Resentment will pass over the years, and the love and affection of children will no longer be returned.
• You can't speak badly about an ex relationship. In the presence of children, one should not insult their mother, but innew wife to express their dissatisfaction with the past life. It will look undignified and low.
• When a new wife will try in every possible way to improve relations with children, it is necessary to support her in this. Not every woman will find the strength to accept other people's children as her own. Therefore, one should accept her attempts to make friends with great gratitude. Seeing the return, she will try even harder.
• You don't have to hide your trips to visit your ex-family. New relationships must be honest. By cheating on your current spouse, you can lose her trust and ruin your marriage.

The relationship of a man with a woman who has a child

Starting to date a woman who has a child from her ex-husband, some begin to think that the child for her is now relegated to the background. This is the most common male mistake. Of course, there are such situations, but they are rather the exception. An adult man should be prepared for the fact that now he will never become number one.

Over the years, the wife's own child from her first marriage and the new husband can equalize their positions in her heart, but it is unlikely that the spouse will be in the first place. Every mother will appreciate and love her child more than anyone in the world. Therefore, deciding on such a relationship, it is necessary to prepare for the fact that his trust will have to be won for a very long time.

How to deal with childish jealousy for a new husband

Most often, children after a divorce remain withmother. The woman begins to try to compensate for the missing love of her father with her increased attention. Any child will get used to this state of affairs, and when a strange man appears in the family, he will be very surprised at where so much maternal attention has disappeared. The strongest jealousy will develop from this misunderstanding.

You should not be surprised and amazed at this, because such behavior will be a completely justified reaction to painful changes in life. You need to try to win the trust of the child, as well as create strong friendly relations with him. Of course, you should not do this immediately after moving into a new house. First you need to let him get used to the idea that mom now has a new husband.

You can not interfere with the desire of the spouse to constantly spend free time with the child. She will feel guilty for bringing a stranger into the family for him, completely changing his life. If a woman's child from her first marriage receives a lot of attention and does not lose the feeling of being loved, the process of getting used to the mother's man will take place on a more positive note.

How to avoid mistakes in dealing with children from a previous marriage

Everyone wants to have a perfect family, where everyone gets along with each other. But in real life, things often don't work out the way they dream. When choosing a life partner as a partner who has children from a previous marriage, you need to be prepared for the fact that there may be difficulties in communicating with the child. Fortunately, there are guidelines to help you avoid making mistakes in your new family.

First of all, it is necessaryrealize that no one requires you to love someone else's child as your own. To begin with, it is important to treat him with all sincerity and patience. He will need to be taken seriously as an adult, albeit a small one. You need to be interested in his life, hobbies, friends and plans for the future. In no case should you take the side of the parent in conflict situations. Only the natural father or mother can take responsibility in disputes with the child. Intervening in the upbringing process ahead of time, you can forever alienate both the baby and the teenager from yourself. Adult children from a first marriage will appreciate the lack of dictatorial habits and the desire to command them.

How to prevent a child from suffering

It is generally accepted that children suffer the most from divorce. Unfortunately it's true. But that doesn't mean divorce is bad. It will be easier for a child to survive the separation of his parents than life in conditions of dislike and constant scandals. Therefore, everything must be done so that the child's psyche does not suffer after a divorce.

With the arrival of a new husband or wife in the house, it is impossible to change the daily habits of the child. Baby's favorite rituals, such as reading a children's book at bedtime, hugs in the morning, or heart-to-heart conversations, should happen in the usual way. Thus, the child will receive less stress and experience life changes more calmly. It is necessary to convince him that the new family member will not force him out and will not take all the attention to himself. The child should feel safe, not afraid that the parent will now stop loving him.

Ifhe will understand that the new husband or wife is not his rival, building relationships will be much easier. Of course, an adult will have to try to ensure that the child begins to trust him. Only with unlimited patience and a desire to find peace in a new family can a good relationship be established with a stepdaughter or stepson.