How to find a common language with your husband: advice from a psychologist

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

A happy and perfect family is the dream of many women. But it happens that couples break up without having lived even a year. This article will be useful to women who decide to strengthen their marriage. It discusses the main causes of misunderstanding, and gives advice on how to find a common language with your husband.

Should you change yourself or your spouse?

Let's look at the main causes of quarrels and misunderstandings. A woman should always remember that a man fell in love with her exactly the way she is. Therefore, you should not adapt to your husband. With this approach, the spouse may move away, since the wife will no longer have that zest that attracted him. Yes, and changing to the interests and tastes of her husband, a woman thereby invades her husband's personal space. And men don't like it.

This also applies to the fact that women often try to remake a loved one so that his mother and friends like him. They are trying to change his wardrobe, taste preferences for food. It must be remembered that a man did not marry girlfriends or mother. I liked it exactly the way it is real, and not remade. And a man is more comfortable being himself.

No positivity

You can't be constantly negative or pessimistic. A man, returning home from work, from friends, from his parents, wants to relax and unwind, and not listen to the next reproaches and how bad everything is. This does not mean that you need to give up on everything and pull on yourself. No, you just need to find time for this, and not bother with the same conversations day after day. And sometimes you just need to give the family a break from everyday troubles with an ordinary trip to nature and completely renounce all problems. Make time for each other. Otherwise, communication between a husband and wife may completely stop.

The smartest is the spouse

Men do not like women who consider themselves much smarter than their husbands. They begin to teach what he himself knows well. And it’s better to take into account the rules of communication with your husband that spouses do not like phrases: “I thought so; I said that it would; you should have listened to me and so on.” Such phrases are best avoided. Otherwise, you can completely lose your husband. They like to be the head of the family, which means they are the smartest.

Grievances for no reason

You need to stop being offended by your husband for no reason. After all, there are often insults: he did not notice a new hairstyle, a new dress, and the like. If this was really an important event, and the spouse did not notice, then it is better to say this directly, and not be silent with resentment and cry into the pillow. In this way, you can avoid another scandal, and not wait for the husband to stop communicating.

Stubbornness and lack of trust

You need to curb your stubbornness. Know how to take the first step towards reconciliation. Try to listen and understand. Let your spouse express his point of view or explain the reason for the misconduct (for example, why he was late).

There must be trust in her husband. Often a woman starts a quarrel with her husband because of distrust (jealousy), thereby trying to make it clear how she values or is jealous of him. And the man in response begins to simply move away, not seeing this subtext. It’s better to say right away, directly: “I love you and therefore I’m jealous.” The main thing to remember is that the strongest marriage can only be built on complete trust.

Family responsibilities

In the family, all responsibilities should be distributed evenly. But if it so happened that the husband works, and the wife is a housewife, then this should not be taken for granted. You have to be grateful to your husband. Or a spouse says words of love every day, and silence in response. Eventually it will all stop. The husband will be pleased with the usual thanks, even for the fact that he took out the trash, took the child from the kindergarten. You need to be able to express in time and correctly how much you appreciate the care and love of your spouse. Unrequited feelings and actions fade quickly.

Failure outside the home

You shouldn't take home all the failures from work or resentment against your girlfriend to splash out on your spouse. When stepping over the threshold, everything that does not concern the family should be left outside the door. Otherwise, conversations in the family will only be about work. And you just can't take a break from it. At home, conversations should only be about family. Then there will never be problems in communicating with her husband. And working difficulties are solved onwork.

Money

Money difficulties are an important reason for quarrels. Many women are brought up in such a way that a man is a breadwinner and must financially provide for the family. But if there are difficulties with cash, then this is not only a problem for the husband. The wife should also help get out of a difficult situation, and not sit back and wait for her husband to handle the situation. If the wife does not have the opportunity to earn extra money, then she must learn to save. After all, it is not for nothing that there is an expression: “I am rich not because I earn a lot, but because I know how to save money.”

Parenting

Quarrels in the family are due to different views on the upbringing of children. In almost every family, mothers pamper children. And dad, on the contrary, is strict with them. And that's okay. This is how children see male and female upbringing. Mom teaches children to be kind, and dad teaches strictness and responsibility. That is why it is important for a child to accept both parents in the upbringing.

Intimacy

An intimate question is also not a rare cause of quarrels. Sometimes a woman has little intimacy due to the fact that her husband works hard and gets tired. And it also happens that a woman feeds her husband breakfast, transferring physical intimacy the next day. You need to understand and feel your husband. Try not to refuse intimacy when the husband wants it. It should also be understood when the spouse is tired and cannot.

A woman should be beautiful

The last point, but no less important. A woman must take care of herself. Quite often, ladies, being married, forget about themselves. startgain extra pounds, dress sloppily even for a walk. Forget about hairstyles. You need to try to keep yourself in shape so that your spouse falls in love more and more every day.

Therefore, if there is no common language with her husband, then you need to assess the situation in the family. You should also review all the described causes and try to eradicate them. Living in a family where peace, understanding and love is much more pleasant. And in order to quickly figure out how to find a common language with your husband, there are some useful tips. We will consider them further.

Positivity and praise

How to communicate with your husband? Try not to get hung up on problems and always be positive. Turn any problem into a joke or see it as a benefit (for example, if your income has decreased or you have been fired, then it’s time to learn a new profession that will be more interesting and profitable). There are no hopeless situations. And if you sit and lament, then the problems will not be solved

It is also important to praise your husband as often as possible and say that you can only be proud of him. Of course, without going too far. Men are the same children and love to be petted and praised. And there is enough swearing at work. Kindness and affection are needed at home.

You should try not to be offended and not swear over trifles

A woman was originally considered wiser than men. And this needs to be backed up with action. You should not raise a scandal (or be silent all evening) if the husband forgot to buy bread after work. It’s easier to quickly go yourself or ask your spouse to take another walk for a fresh loaf.

Since men are children, thenyou need to be able to make concessions to them. Allowing her husband to watch football, despite the fact that the series is on another channel. Also, wait an hour after your spouse has returned from work, and then start telling everything that happened during the day. Give me some peace.

Don't keep your husband on a leash

The spouse should have free time to communicate with friends, the opportunity to go fishing. You need to know that communication with your wife will not replace communication with friends. Sometimes you just need to take a break from each other.

Variety

Diversify your routine life. These can be picnic trips, trips to another city for the weekend, so as not to remember problems in everyday life. Get away from reality. Even changes in intimate life can please a husband. They will allow you to escape from everyday problems.

Passion and control

It's good if there are common hobbies. You can watch movies together in the evenings. Or just learn to play your husband's favorite games on the computer, in his team. Go to the gym with your husband and more.

Stop controlling every step. Learn to trust your husband completely. When a husband sees trust, he will not want to lose it. And he will also be completely open for communication when they do not find fault with his every word and do not look for a dirty trick and betrayal.

Learn to listen

In a good family, the wife should be able to listen to her husband and be an interesting conversationalist. Then there will be no such situation that there is no common language with her husband. You need to be able to direct the actions of the spouse in the right direction. But do it as if the husband himself decided and did it. Do important things, such as buying an apartment, together, taking into account the desires of each other.

Tips

Here are some more tips to help build a relationship with your spouse:

1. Intimate life should not be domestic. You need to be able to diversify it. Watch, for example, an adult movie together or buy intriguing underwear. You can play role-playing games. Intimate life in men is often in the first place.
2. Don't blame your husband for low earnings, even if it is so. It is better to help find a way out of the situation. You need to be supportive. Motivate the spouse (and not reproaches) to increase income. And when you achieve success, be sure to appreciate it.
3. If serious problems arose in family life and a complete misunderstanding of each other, then it's time to arrange a reconciliation dinner. You can even visit the salon, buy a new, intimate dress. Cover a gala dinner with wine and talk calmly, find out all the claims of the husband, and then, of course, analyze them together. Try to remember the day you met and make it clear that this is how you liked each other. In no case should a quarrel arise or continue.
4. The husband should feel like the head of the family. Do not put yourself above your spouse. So you can humiliate your husband. And here, even if you know how to find a common language with your Scorpio husband, it will be extremely difficult to change the situation. No information will help. By the way, for a Scorpio man, being the main one is extremely important.
5. Needto show her husband that they are always waiting for him in the house and are very glad to see him, that he is needed and missed. And if he is greeted with a ready dinner (and not scandals) when he comes home from work, then he will appreciate it.
6. Do not run to your mother or girlfriend for advice on how to find a common language with your husband when problems arise in the family. You need to solve them without outside help. Try not to let outside advisers get into the family at all.
7. Appreciate your husband for who he is. You don't have to try to change it. When they climb into the male space, the partner begins to resemble a hedgehog in behavior. And it starts to move away. You need to be able to love all its advantages and disadvantages.

Former spouse

If you need to find a common language with your ex-husband, then the main thing here is not to offend him during meetings and not to say that he is the root of all misfortunes. Forget about resentment and remember that he is already just a part of the past that cannot be changed. Try to maintain friendly relations for the sake of children. A good trick would be to remember together only good moments from a joint life. In this case, most often there is a common language.

Conclusion

The psychology of communication with a husband is sometimes known for years. The main thing is that a man should know that he is loved, trusted and appreciated. Do not load your spouse with mistrust and constant reproaches. A woman has always been softer and can quickly level the situation in the family. The most important thing is to know how to find a common language with your husband. And together, no problems are terrible. And in old age one can be proud of being happy andstrong family.