What to do if a child steals: reasons and advice from psychologists

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Almost every parent has faced such a problem: if a child steals, what to do? The help of a psychologist will be very helpful. To combat child theft, you must first find out why the child does it. The reasons for stealing are as diverse as the reasons for, for example, a runny nose or cough. In each case, the right "treatment" should be chosen so as not to aggravate the problem and not to perpetuate vicious tendencies.

What is stealing

In ancient Russia, tatem was a person who traded in thefts. Accordingly, "tatba" in translation into modern Russian means "theft". It is clear that both in ancient times and now, tachi-thieves did not and do not enjoy respect: forcible, often secret, appropriation of someone else's property is considered immoral and subject to jurisdiction.

Even members of the thief's family were distrustful of people.

This word has many synonyms. To steal means to rob, steal, seize, plunder, appropriate. All these concepts in the mind of the affected person are associated with injustice, resentment, protest, the desire to punish the liar.

Why it exists

There are many reasons why people steal, some of them even cause understanding and sympathy among others. For example, a hungry person may steal food in a store because there is no money to buy it, and he is unable to earn it due to illness or age. The hope of getting money for the treatment of a sick relative pushes others into a desperate attempt to rob an ATM.

Thefts are categorically condemned because of greed, unwillingness to work, envy of someone else's material well-being, out of revenge, hatred, selfishness, impunity. Another (but not so obvious) reason lies in the wrong moral attitudes received by a child in a dysfunctional family, where theft is considered a normal way to live comfortably. What to do if the child began to steal money? First, think about whether the relationship in his family can be called sufficiently warm and trusting.

Parents, be vigilant

Not all thieves were brought up in immoral families. The parents of many of them failed to notice in time the first deviations in the behavior of the child, which were harbingers of theft in adulthood.

Research by professors T. Moffita and A. Kaspi (Duke University, North Carolina) convincingly prove that quite harmless childhood character traits and habits in the future result in antisocial behavior, including deceit, a tendency to steal, and protest behavior in relation to social norms and rules..

Hysteria, inability or unwillingness to analyze the consequences of one's behavior and actions are signs of a future criminal. Those children who were taught self-control and responsibility from an early age grow up more prosperous.

Why do kids steal

Junior preschoolers have not formed ideas about honesty as a norm of behavior in society. They lack the ability to tame the momentary impulses of their own "I want." The baby does not yet have a clear idea that everything around - at home, in a store, in a kindergarten, on the street - is divided into "mine" and "not mine", so it is completely natural for a child under 5 to take something without permission. Impulsivity pushes him to the momentary acquisition of the thing he likes, and the violent reaction of adults to this is incomprehensible.

Among other reasons for stealing kids are pedagogical mistakes of adults:

• their indifference and indifference to children's theft: "When he grows up, he will understand…";
• expression of admiration, approval of ingenuity, resourcefulness: "Cleverly stole - no one noticed!";
• overly harsh reaction - physical punishment,insults, after which the child begins to act consciously and more sophisticatedly. Theft becomes a form of protest against parental cruelty.

What should be the control, what to do if a child steals in a store, if he has enough toys, favorite sweets and chocolates? An unpleasant discovery for parents may be that their baby began to steal at home or in stores because other children in the yard demand that he bring money or goodies, threatening violence.

What parents should do

First of all, do not panic and do not torment yourself with thoughts about the gloomy future of the child, do not blame yourself for his poor upbringing. In the psychological literature for parents, you can find out what to do if a child begins to steal. First of all, find out the reasons for this behavior and explain (perhaps more than once) why this cannot be done in the future. A calm, reasonable tone of conversation is much more effective than a noisy scandal with a child.

If he brought someone else's toy or thing, you must:

• be sure to find out if it was taken without the permission of the owner;
• take her to the owner along with the baby;
• in the absence of other persons, apologize and encourage him to do the same, but without threats, violence, insults.

What to do if a child steals money, should he be punished? In case of repeated theft, you can temporarily deprive him of his favorite dish, toys, purchases of sweets for a certain period, calmly but firmly explain that theft is categorically unacceptable in the future.

Required andpurposefully, parents should form in the child the ability to control their own desires and actions, teach prudence and restraint. You can use literary works, cartoons that are suitable for the topic, play puppet shows, followed by an analysis of the behavior and feelings of the characters.

When parents doubt the correctness of their actions or simply do not know what to do, if the child began to steal, then you should seek help from a psychologist.

Reasons for teen stealing

The strongest blow to parental self-esteem is the discovery that their reasonable and cultured teenage child steals at home or at school, thus trades in stores, in the market. If a child steals money, what should I do? Such reflections for adults are some of the most burning. The very first thing is to understand the reasons for this phenomenon:

• Parents often consider it trifling the desire of a teenager to have some thing and do not consider it necessary to spend money on its purchase, they sharply demonstrate this: a teenager, avoiding unnecessary conversations, steals this thing in a store or money to purchase it.
• What to do if a child steals money from home? It is worth suspecting addiction to smoking or alcohol, drugs, gambling.
• A bad and dangerous company that demands cash or other "contributions".
• Attempts to establish oneself as an extraordinary person in a group of peers or older people through theft and spending on the needs of friends.
• The noble desire to give someonefinancial assistance.

The question of what to do if a child steals is relevant not only for low-income families, but also for those in which there are no material problems. Most often, teenagers steal in families where there is no warm, trusting relationship, there is a lack of parental attention, then stealing becomes a way for a teenager to declare himself as a person.

Prevention of teenage theft

What if a child steals at home, shoplifts or elsewhere? This is a problem for all family members. This is also a reason to reconsider your relationship with him: how trusting, respectful they are, whether the teenager has the opportunity to express his attitude to something, whether he is subjected to excessive or insufficient guardianship. His lack of life experience and complete dependence on adults is not a reason to consider him stupid and not en titled to his own inner life and feelings.

So what to do if your child steals?

• Parents should from an early age form in the child the concept that he does not have the right to dispose of things at his own discretion, even if he uses them: take them without permission, take them out of the house. Show respect for his property, ask for permission to use his things.
• The lack of new experiences, sensations can push them to search for theft. Therefore, the organization of rich leisure is one of the ways to prevent theft in adolescents (circles, sections on interests, excursions and trips, walks with the whole family, family holidays). But the involvementa teenager in discussing and solving serious life problems (for example, repairing an apartment or looking for opportunities to help a sick relative) make him significant in his own eyes. The responsibility of an adult for his life and for those around him begins to form from the age of 6-7 with responsibility for his things, for the order in his room, for the fish and the kitten.
• Children and teenagers should learn from adults about the invisible side of human life - about the feelings that a person can experience in various situations (for example, when he was robbed). A lively description and analysis of one's own behavior in the past, experiences in a variety of situations, including unsightly ones, will make a much greater impression on a teenager than a long lecture about the inadmissibility of theft. Recognition of your past mistakes is also a valuable signal of trust to a teenager: “I know you will understand and will not repeat my mistakes.”

Adults have noticed the unusual behavior of a teenager and ask: "If a child steals, what should I do?" The advice of a psychologist will certainly touch on the organization of tactful control over his behavior outside the home - this is an obligatory part of the prevention of juvenile delinquency, including theft. With whom is he friends, with whom is he at enmity and for what reason, what interests bind children, how do they spend their leisure time, what rules are supported within the group, what forms of behavior are welcome? Are there any disturbing changes in his behavior after meeting friends (for example, nervousness, aggressiveness,closure)? Does he need advice or help? When clarifying these issues, the child should feel a sincere interest in his affairs, and not the desire of an adult to control his every step

As far as a person's ideas about honesty are formed, he will be so honest, so parents should be largely concerned about the ethical side of raising a teenager. At the same time, the personal example of his mother and father is the most powerful argument for him in a situation of choosing his own line of behavior.

Money: to give a child or not to give?

Sooner or later, this problem arises in every family, especially where parents are perplexed thinking: “What if the child steals money?” But first you need to find out why he does this, what his own needs he wants to satisfy. A small child can steal money at home, not realizing their true value and only hearing adults talk about the need to earn, mine, save, spend. From 5-6 years old, he begins to comprehend their meaning and the rules for proper use, if parents try to teach him this. He must be present, and then participate in the discussion of the family budget, upcoming costs, ways of accounting and saving money.

At 6-7 years old, a child is quite capable of competently managing small pocket money - about 50 rubles. in Week. Adults must agree among themselves when and how much they will give him. At the same time, you should discuss with him what the money will be spent on, and then demand a report, give advice on how it would be worthbetter dispose of them.

With age, the amount issued should be increased within reasonable limits. From about 9 years old, you can teach your child to save money to buy the desired thing, setting aside a small part of what they receive for pocket expenses. He must know the prices of products in the store, be able to calculate the estimated and incurred expenses, change.

With the consent of a teenager, pocket money can be given to him not weekly, but once a month, for example, on the day of his father's salary. This will make him spend money economically, teach him how to plan expenses, for example, for a birthday present for a friend.

A teenager can be entrusted with accounting for family financial receipts and payments, so that he learns that there are mandatory, urgent, primary expenses for housing and communal services, medicines, and transport. Other expenses can be reduced or completely eliminated, for some you should save money (for a summer trip to the sea). These financial lessons will teach a child to restrain his desires, take into account the needs and desires of other family members, and at some point keep him from stealing.

Is he a kleptomaniac?

This is a frightening word that comes to the mind of parents who are desperate in the fight against children's lies and theft, when they do not know what to do if a child steals at home, steals in a store, starts stealing money from neighbors…

However, kleptomania is a mental illness that is quite rare - about 5% of thieves. The reasons for it have not yet been identified, but the signs are clearly defined:

• Kleptomaniac steals often and alone, not out of need for something, but in order to get specific experiences from the very process of preparing and carrying out the theft of someone else's. With his mind, he understands that he is doing bad things, but he is not able to stop, just as he cannot refrain from the next dose of a drug addict or alcoholic, smoker.
• Kleptomaniacs are most often indifferent to stolen things: if not used, they can hide and forget, throw away, give to someone, destroy.
• Support the state of enjoyment from perfect theft scandals that parents roll up: again violent emotions that he just enjoys.
• In relations with others, who sooner or later begin to suspect a chronic thief, the child develops distrust, mutual aggression. Because of this, he feels depressed, rejected … and again goes on theft.

If you suspect that a child suffers from kleptomania, you should seek help from a psychologist: he will tell you what to do if the child steals constantly and does not respond to any measures of influence. Kleptomania is treated with medication and psycho-corrective methods after a thorough examination by specialists.

How can a psychologist help

Parents, often not wanting to wash dirty linen in public and fearing neighbor gossip, alone, for a long time and quite unsuccessfully fight against children's theft. The result is that the problem does not disappear, but goes deeper and may manifest itself sooner or later in an even more sophisticated form. So, if a child steals and adults do not know what to do with it, the psychologist's advice willvery handy.

With the help of special techniques, the specialist will try to identify the causes of theft in a child and give specific advice on how to eliminate them. They can relate to both the correction of his behavior and the psychological family climate. Obviously, if a child steals, then the whole family needs the help of a psychologist. At individual and group lessons, adults will learn to avoid situations that provoke children's theft, and respond correctly to its manifestations.

When identifying signs of kleptomania, the psychologist will give recommendations to seek advice from a psychiatrist, a neurologist to decide on the need for its treatment.