2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21
Have you often seen people quarrel? Psychologists consider this unpleasant phenomenon to be a completely natural process that inevitably arises from time to time in the course of our communication. Quarrels, for example, may arise between children and parents, neighbors, colleagues, fellow travelers, etc. It is believed that such conflicts are of great importance to people. They contribute to the development and further development of interpersonal relationships. After all, often in the course of such a verbal confrontation, many controversial points that interfered with this process are resolved.
As for family quarrels, the reasons for them can be very different, because people who live under the same roof are able to find many reasons for conflict. This includes unwashed dishes, not taken out garbage, and things scattered around the house. Often, family quarrels flare up due to the lack of help in domestic matters and a small salary. This phenomenon is rather unpleasant. And this becomes obvious even when viewing pictures of family quarrels in the photo. From the sidescenes like this look extremely ugly.
However, the reasons for family quarrels are much less than those reasons that provoke conflicts with other people. What are they and how to avoid a situation where a loved one raises his voice, snaps, pours reproaches and insults for any reason, often just far-fetched? It is the lack of clarification and unresolved true causes that threaten family relationships.
Psychological aspects
A family is a small social group consisting of people whose interests collide almost daily. Just like in any other community, when it is created, a certain hierarchy begins to line up. And if both spouses want the authorities at once, then conflicts will certainly arise.
Let's note, considering family psychology: quarrels are possible in this social group and during the passage of certain crises. For example, at the birth of children. The future of the family depends on how harmoniously and correctly this or that stage is passed. As psychologists note, divorces, as a rule, happen precisely in crises. These are periods when emotions are running high and people's attachment is drastically weakening.
When creating a family, young spouses enter a stage of passion and inspiration. They believe that their feelings will never fade. However, after the romantic period, one has to deal with various domestic issues and financial problems. This is where the destruction of harmony occurs. Psychologists say that the family requiresreciprocity and patience. In the event that this is not the case, all its members will consider themselves lonely, unhappy and dissatisfied with life.
Sometimes it happens that several generations live under one roof. This situation gives rise to certain problems. So, young people are active, and the elderly need peace. Most often, when living together, people do not have enough living space. In this case, the likelihood of family quarrels and marital conflicts is also very high due to constant inconvenience.
Struggle for leadership
The way of most modern families is fundamentally different from what it was relatively recently, just a few decades ago. In those days, a man, without any doubt, was considered the head of the family and its main earner. At the same time, the woman was assigned the role of a housewife. She was mainly involved in the upbringing of children. Today, women, along with men, climb the career ladder and earn money. That is why the decision of the question of who is in charge in the house becomes the most popular reason for family quarrels.
According to psychologists, the struggle for leadership, even in a hidden form, takes place in the relationship of absolutely all couples. This is especially evident in the first years after marriage, when the spouses are just establishing family relationships, going through a period of grinding. Each of them is trying to get the right to issue priority orders. Of course, the family is not strengthened at all. On the contrary, frequent family quarrels caused by eternal confrontations,very likely to lead to a break.
How can this conflict be resolved? Psychologists advise to remember that the leader is not at all the one who imposes his position on others and bangs his fist on the table. The head of the family should be one of its members who will be able to take responsibility. This person must solve all emerging issues, be democratic, take care of the house and take into account the wishes of all people close to him. It is from this side that the spouses should give an objective assessment of each other. And only after that it will be possible to appoint, but not at all the main one, but the responsible one. However, even then the significance of the second spouse should not be underestimated. All matters that relate to relations with relatives and everyday life must be divided into spheres of influence.
Jealousy
Because of what else can family quarrels arise? Often the reason for this is jealousy. If this feeling in one of the partners is in its mildest degree, then, according to psychologists, it contributes to giving even greater brightness to the relationship. But sometimes jealousy is pathological. And this already serves as an occasion for serious family quarrels. The constant display of distrust can destroy even the brightest feelings.
Psychologists explain that such an attitude of a partner lies in self-doubt. He is most likely afraid of being alone.
How to prevent such conflicts? To do this, it is recommended to speak frankly with your soulmate, trying to find out what caused such jealousy? You should tell your partnerthat you love him for who he is, while emphasizing that you do not like the manifestation of distrust. It is also recommended to find out what signs of attention could show a loved one that he is loved and appreciated.
Household issues
Sometimes there are family quarrels over trifles. Their cause may be an unclosed tube of toothpaste, an unmade bed, etc. There are a lot of development options for domestic conflicts.
Sometimes it happens that spouses get divorced because of the unwillingness of one of them to take care of the house.
How can such conflicts be resolved? Psychologists advise spouses to distribute responsibilities among themselves in advance. And this is very often quite enough to achieve harmony and harmony in the family. In cases where one of the household members does not fulfill the accepted agreements, duty days should be arranged. For example, today the wife deals with household issues, and tomorrow the husband decides them. If one of the spouses does not like some occupation, then this should be said directly. In this case, instead of washing dishes, he will be assigned a duty, such as ironing clothes.
Relationship between parents and children
What causes family quarrels and conflicts? The reason for this may be the problem of the relationship between fathers and children. This theme is eternal and is a textbook. Sometimes a tough confrontation arises in the family during the period when the child enters a transitional age. This is the time when he begins to overreact to literally everything. Any manifestation of care from loved onesfor him, this is an attempt to restrict freedom, and non-interference in his affairs is perceived as indifference. The result is a noisy family quarrel with numerous reproaches and threats.
How can these conflicts be resolved? Psychologists advise parents to let their rebellious child know that they love him and want to build relationships with him on a trusting and partnership level. That is, a child can always come up to his father or mother and share with them the secret and sore. At the same time, a teenager should know that his parents will never condemn him and will not impose their own point of view on him.
Mother-daughter relationship
Conflicts often occur in families where girls grow up. And then family quarrels between mother and daughter become almost daily. What is the reason for such misunderstandings?
Very often, mothers unknowingly continue to perceive their adult daughters as little girls. They believe that they do not understand anything in life and really need care. The reasons for this behavior lie in the mother's fear that the daughter, who felt independent, will soon leave. The woman will be left alone. Quite unconsciously, the mother seeks to show her daughter that she is still very small and does not know how to do anything. However, the already matured girl strives for independence. On this basis, a conflict arises.
Besides this, many people have the feeling that the younger the children, the younger their parents. A grown-up daughter involuntarily makes her mother feel old. To avoid this unpleasant feeling, many women continue to think of their girls as small children.
Mother and daughter's family quarrels can be caused by their different outlooks on life. For example, a girl met a guy she fell in love with and feels happy about it. However, her mother does not like her chosen one, and she begins to impose her own views.
How to improve relationships between loved ones? Psychologists warn that this is not easy to do. Both mother and daughter will have to do a great job. A woman needs to understand that her child has already grown up, and she must be responsible for her own life. The daughter should realize that the fact that she has become an adult and independent does not need to be proved with a manifestation of aggression.
Relationships with relatives of the second half
Quarrels in family relationships often arise due to lack of harmony with the parents of the husband or wife. Establishing he althy relationships can be very difficult. It is especially difficult to do this, constantly listening to the moralizing of the mother-in-law or mother-in-law. Few people dare to express their displeasure to the parents of a husband or wife. But a quarrel with your soulmate allows you to relieve the tension that has accumulated in the soul.
How can such a conflict be resolved? Psychologists advise you to find strength in yourself and tell relatives who are not indifferent to your family life that you do not like such interference. But you need to do it calmlyand don't get personal. It should also be explained that you are already adults and you yourself must decide how to live on. In addition, this problem should be discussed with your soulmate, but in no case should you use your partner as a lightning rod. However, you have to be very careful. After all, such conversations can cause even more conflict. Much will depend on the person you want to reach.
Financial matters
Often the material side of life becomes the cause of family quarrels. In the old days, she rarely acted as a cause for conflict, because only a man earned, and a woman was destined to run a household. Much has changed today. Wives are able to earn more than their husbands. The latter often try on the role of a householder. Such permutations are the cause of the development of conflicts. After all, the one who earns more often begins to accuse his soulmate of wasting money by making rash purchases. The second family member is convinced that he spends money rationally.
It's not uncommon for couples to underestimate their true income. After the partner becomes aware of the existence of the "stash", he begins to feel betrayed and deceived.
How can such conflicts be resolved? In order to avoid quarrels on the topic of money, and with any income, psychologists advise using a certain technique. All family income should be divided into three parts. The first of them will go to current expenses (products,utilities, loans). The second should be used to accumulate family savings. The third part is recommended to be distributed between the spouses for the purchase of their favorite little things. It could be lipstick for the wife or a football ticket for the husband. The size of each of these parts should depend on the level of spending.
Disharmony in the intimate sphere
Family quarrels and marital relations are closely related. One of the most important components of a happy life for both partners is harmony in sex. In cases where the spouses are not able to achieve it, the family cannot do without quarrels.
Often conflicts flare up because of unjustified expectations or because of different temperaments. For example, one of the partners is burning with sexual desire, and his other half is not in the mood for a relationship. The result of this is resentment. The partner feels that he has been rejected, and he begins to feel his own uselessness.
How can this conflict be resolved? Psychologists recommend not to hush up your grievances. You should share your expectations with your spouse and openly express your complaints. But the conversation about this should not be conducted in the bedroom, but being on neutral territory. Otherwise, the partner may suspect that he is accused of insolvency.
Alcohol
Most often, family quarrels occur due to the drunkenness of husbands. And even if drinking is quite moderate, for example, a bottle of beer in the evening or a glass of vodka on weekends, this will certainly lead to a scandal. Often such drinkingalcoholic beverages is caused by the man's hard work and his desire to relax.
With moderate doses of alcohol consumed, it is worth talking with your soulmate. After all, for relaxation, it is not necessary to do this at all. If the problem worsens, you will need specialist help.
Out of conflict situations
The above list of family quarrels is far from complete. Conflicts can give rise to a variety of life situations. The main task of the spouses in this case is to prevent a quarrel or reduce the resulting tension to a minimum.
And for this, psychologists recommend following certain rules:
- Reprimand your spouse in private. This will allow you to find out the exact reason for his behavior and prevent misunderstanding. If you do this, for example, in front of children, then they will no longer respect their parents and will learn to be permissive.
- Try to understand your partner's position. The ability to listen to a loved one determines the family culture of communication. If the spouse is drunk, then it is better to leave all the showdowns for later.
- Be able to admit your own mistakes. This will eliminate the possibility of listening to unpleasant expressions and criticism.
- Control your emotions and contain them. Do not insult your spouse or yell at him.
As you can see, these rules are not complicated at all. But they contain the law of reciprocity and mutual response.
How a person will behave towards his loved ones, so, most likely, they will communicate with him.
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