Aggressive child: reasons, recommendations for parents, advice from a psychologist

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Aggression in psychology is understood as purposeful destructive behavior aimed at causing harm to another living being. This is a special state of mind, while aggressiveness is understood as a character trait, a tendency to react to everything with irritation and anger.

The influence of anger and irritation

Aggressive child can be called the kid who is internally dysfunctional. He is filled with negative experiences, and his irritability and anger are just inadequate ways of psychological protection.

Aggression has a negative impact on the life of the baby, his development. He begins to conflict with other children and adults, often gets annoyed, upset. At the same time, physical and verbal manifestations of anger are just the “tip of the iceberg”. A destructive attitude has a tremendous impact on the child, which consists in the fact that problems can be solved through the manifestation of aggression, and that everyone around him is an enemy. A kid who does not know other ways of behavior falls into a closeda circle. His aggression provokes a response of anger, and vice versa.

In children, such manifestations have various causes. In many cases, they are completely natural. Before sounding the alarm, forbidding the baby to show their feelings, parents need to understand the factors that gave rise to such reactions.

Is aggression necessary?

Aggressiveness is an integral part of human existence. You should not stigmatize and scold the child just because he shows overwhelming feelings, demand angelic behavior from him. After all, destruction permeates all spheres of human existence - and children are no exception. Any action one way or another begins with the destruction of the old. For example, in order to mold a figure from plasticine, the baby tears off a piece of mass, kneads it in his hands. Philosophers, before bringing new ideas to the surface, first recycle old ones in their minds. And the really aggressive act is eating.

Manifestations

When the baby has not yet mastered the basic means of communication, anger can be regarded as a completely normal reaction. Small children may yell and push those with whom they cannot negotiate. However, when the baby masters speech, then such a pattern of behavior becomes unjustified. Why beat someone with whom you can negotiate verbally?

Often, aggressive behavior can occur even among those children who seem outwardly completely calm, no different from other peers. Child psychiatrist Elisey Osinidentifies the following signs of pathological aggression:

• Permanence. The child shows aggressive reactions in a number of different situations over a long period of time.
• Dangerous shapes. Kicks, damage to property, arson, auto-aggression.
• Social exclusion. The child loses friends, the trust of parents and teachers.

How does a child live in a state of aggression?

However, children who have an increased level of irritability are seriously affected by this. Anger is only needed when it is justified. For example, if you need to drive away a bully, protect your brother or sister. An aggressive child is one who is constantly shunned and disliked, rejected and feared. Teachers and educators do not like such children because they spoil their classes. Their most frequent reaction is sitting in the back row, sticking the label of a loser, a bully. But such measures lead to even greater maladjustment, increase the feeling of loneliness. The situation has only gotten worse over the years.

Parents of classmates do not like such kids, because they teach their own children bad things, set a negative example, prevent them from studying, playing or relaxing. Their reaction also does not bring anything good - these are collective letters with requests to transfer an aggressive child to another class, proceedings with the baby's parents. Thus, a child can wander for years from one class to another without finding a final home. And when parents are called “on the carpet”, this often ends with the use of force in relation to the child himself. The negative behavior of the baby is only reinforced, it proves the “correctness” of the strategy he has chosen.

Peers do not like aggressive children because they often insult them, kick them, shout. And most often the reaction of peers is to ignore, reject. The baby is left alone and isolated.

After wandering for several years, such children gradually stray into groups of their own kind of "bad guys". In such societies, they can find understanding, but they are increasingly moving away from normal communication, the rules of behavior in society.

At the same time, many kids themselves suffer from their anger. They try to get rid of irritation, make efforts. The life of each of these "bad guys" is not necessarily a search for a potential victim for insults. Like everyone else, they are looking for warmth and love, understanding and care. It's just that due to some features of their character, they perceive social situations differently and cannot cope with their emotional reactions.

Many children suffer from this life. “I don’t understand how this happens, because I didn’t want to upset my mother at all …”, “They don’t take me to play in the company, so be it”, “They call me bad words, and my heart shrinks right inside”, “It’s only worth something to happen - it’s my fault right away, no one even listens to me”, “I don’t want to go to kindergarten, I want to be at home, my beloved dog is here …”, “I tried to count to 10 and breathe evenly, but it doesn’t always help me calm down”. This is how babies describe their condition.

Aggressive child: causes of destructive behavior

As a rule, the causes of anger and irritation in children belong to one of four planes.

• Family. If parents or other relatives allow themselves to behave aggressively, then the child's understanding of the permissibility of such behavior is fixed. An aggressive child often grows up in a dysfunctional family, where the father beats the mother or the mother herself offends the children, etc.
• Educational institutions. In the process of playing with other children, a child can adopt certain behaviors: “I am the best here, and therefore everything is possible for me.”
• media. Another of the main causes of aggressive behavior in children, which is often ignored by adults. Often a child watches TV with his parents or older siblings, showing scenes of violence, murders, etc. Subsequently, children transfer what they see to real life. Parents are often unaware of the harm this brings to the baby. Many adults wonder why children have become aggressive? In many cases, the answer to this question lies in the TV programs that the child watches. Often, the danger is fraught with the Internet.
• Endogenous factors - brain injuries, infections, diseases of the central nervous system. In this case, you can not do without consulting a doctor.

Other factors

Aggressive behavior in children can be caused by a number of conditions:

• When a baby is often beaten, publicly humiliated, put in traumatic situations.
• Childgets angry if he feels bad for some reason, and adults pester him with various tasks.
• Parents don't pay attention.
• Baby imitating mother or father behavior (throws things, slams doors, swears).
• A traumatic event (mom and dad divorce, death of a close relative, severe fright, birth of a sibling).
• When adults managed to convince the baby that he is "bad". Any criticism will irritate an aggressive child.

Shapes

A baby may show irritation and anger in the following ways:

• Verbal - screams, insults, threats.
• Physically - making scary faces, fighting, pushing, biting, breaking other people's toys.
• Sneaky: ignoring adults or other children, sneaking around, provoking peers when no one is watching.

Types of child aggression

If a child has become aggressive, parents need to pay attention to the features of manifestations of his anger. Indeed, in different cases it is necessary to take completely different measures. Sometimes you can not do without psychotherapy, and sometimes the use of medications is required. A huge mistake is to combine all the manifestations of irritability and anger in children into one problem. Child psychiatrist Elisey Osin identifies the following main types of child aggression.

• Instrumental. In this case, the child may threaten his peers, and even beat them. The motives for such aggression are by no meansharm as such. The child is simply using intimidation to take away valuables or money. Most often, this type of aggression occurs among those children who live in dysfunctional families. To get rid of this type of aggression, drugs will not help, the best remedy here is psychotherapy for the whole family.
• Impulsive aggression. Even the smallest signal, which seemed to the child something unpleasant, the baby reacts with irritation. This is due to the fact that the child cannot control his emotional impulses. Often this type of irritability occurs in children with ADHD. A hyperactive aggressive child suffers from malfunctioning of some parts of the brain - primarily from the frontal lobes. Punishment won't help him. The most optimal would be an appeal to a neurologist, drug therapy. It is also useful to provide a more comfortable learning environment for the child with fewer annoying stimuli coming from outside. For example, the baby can spend changes in the library. Aggressive children of preschool age, as well as younger schoolchildren, most often suffer from such disorders. Over time, the baby's psyche stabilizes. While he may be more irritable than his peers, as he ages, his aggressive impulses will become easier to control.
• Aggression as an affect. Most often occurs with mental disorders - for example, bipolar affective disorder. A distinctive feature of this type of aggression is its suddenness. Peaceful mood may last for several days, but then the childas if someone is taking over. He begins to crush and break everything around, swear, scream, disobey. Such babies need both medical treatment and work with a psychologist.
• Aggression expressing fear. In many cases, parents choose to turn a blind eye to this type of aggression. For example, a child is sent to a children's camp, and from the very first minute of being there, he begins to scream, beat with his hands, and behave aggressively. This is due to the fact that the baby feels abandoned. It seems to him that his mother has left him forever. Often, aggression associated with fear occurs in children some time after traumatic events. In this case, we are talking about PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) in a child. Fear and anxiety are inherently adaptive reactions, but when they begin to exceed all acceptable limits, the child ceases to control himself. Often such aggression is superimposed on the child's predisposition to anxiety and depression. In this case, working with a psychologist helps.

Why do these kids need help?

Many psychological studies show that if the problems of aggressive children go unnoticed, the situation only worsens over time. The distance between them and normal existence increases. Once in isolation, it is difficult for them to learn how to communicate. The child is deprived of friendly games in which he could hone his social skills.

Recommendations from psychologists

If possible, you need to find out atreception at a psychologist, which causes irritation in the baby. Such an approach would be the most sensible and optimal. But since not all parents have the opportunity to visit a specialist in person, consider some useful tips from a psychologist. An aggressive child needs close attention and support from adults, so these recommendations should be taken seriously.

• Adults need to listen to the baby, try to understand him.
• Also worth remembering: violent suppression of aggressive behavior only leads to increased anger.
• You need to be consistent in your response to the negative behavior of the baby, but do not show irritation yourself.
• It is unacceptable to punish a child too often, to order him to suppress his feelings. This will only lead to the fact that he will suppress emotions, and they, in turn, will intensify and turn into self-aggression.
• The kid should realize that mom and dad love him, they are unhappy only with his behavior. This is one of the most important recommendations for parents of an aggressive child. It is necessary to explain to the baby what exactly caused this discontent, to emphasize that he himself is loved.
• When a baby shows anger for some reason, you need to try not to react to it. After all, he also has the right to be angry. However, it is worth explaining to the child that he can behave differently, choose his reaction.
• You need to control your feelings in the presence of a child, because he absorbs them like a sponge.
• Also, parents should adequatelybe aware of what and when they can prohibit the child, and in what cases they can give in.
• Pay your baby's attention to how people behave in different environments, under different circumstances.
• Avoid watching TV shows and movies with scenes of violence, murder, etc.
• Teaching the baby kindness, empathy.

Directions of psycho-correction

Child psychologists also identify several areas of corrective work with those kids who demonstrate aggressive behavior.

• Formation of adequate self-esteem. The kid must understand that he may well be "good", that he is needed and important for adults and peers. In this way, the positive qualities of the child are reinforced, he receives the motivation to show his best qualities.
• Working out the baby's fears. After all, aggression is a way of protection, and by saving the child from anxiety, we save him from the need to defend himself.
• One of the most important areas for correcting children's aggressive behavior is teaching the baby ways to express anger in an acceptable form, working out new patterns of behavior.
• Formation of trust in others, the ability to demonstrate love and sympathy. The child should be taught compassion through the example of adults.

Aggressive child: what should parents do?

Also, parents and other adults will benefit from the following tips from psychologists.

• To love and accept the child for who he is. After allaggression is a temporary difficulty that you will definitely cope with.
• As much as possible to communicate with the baby, hug him. The kid needs to know that he is loved and believed in.
• Working with aggressive kids is about boosting kids' self-esteem. Therefore, it is necessary to focus on the positive aspects of the child's character. As often as possible, praise him for his success. If you need to scold, you need to blame the act itself, but not the baby.
• Keep a close eye on your own behavior, do not allow yourself to succumb to anger and irritation.
• At a time when a mother or father is themselves upset, they can communicate this to the baby and show by example how to deal with irritation.
• Child psychologists recommend talking calmly and quietly with your baby.
• In moments of anger and irritation, do not touch the child.
• When a baby shows anger towards a parent, the parent can take him to his room and say that he can come back when he calms down.
• After the child's emotions have subsided, you need to calmly talk to him. You can keep calm for an adult if you remember that in front of him is a beloved child, and not an aggressive child. What to do if the emotions of the mother or father overflow? At this point, it is better not to show your anger. First, it is advisable to cope with your feelings (for example, with the help of self-regulation skills with the help of breathing), and only then communicate with the baby.
• Explain to the baby the restrictive points, referring to him from the 1st person. For example: “I can’t give you ice cream right now”, “I can’t give you a doll, she needs a rest”, etc.
• It is also important to help your baby voice his desires. From time to time ask him the question: “What do you want?”. Depending on the situation, either allow it, or explain why it is not available now. Through permissions and agreements, the child must understand that the adult plays the main role, it is he who gives guidance.
• Let your baby talk about what he does not want, expressing understanding and support.
• In the process of communicating with aggressive children, it is useful to come up with a fairy tale about an evil animal that realized that being aggressive is harmful and bad.
• After school or kindergarten, give the baby the opportunity to be naughty for 10-15 minutes, throw out irritation and anger. For example, beat a pillow with your hands.
• To ask a child for something, and teach him to ask others. Requests do not need to be frequent, but they need to be strong and succinct.
• An hour before bedtime, you can try drinking half a glass of milk or herbal infusion if the child is not allergic to these products. It is also useful to discuss the events of the past day in a positive way.

Aggression is a force that is inherent in all life on earth. It is necessary for the implementation of the vital needs of the body and is an excitation aimed at satisfying certain desires. When there are kind and understanding adults next to the baby, getting rid of aggression will not be difficult. Only in this case the child will not be perceived asas an evil criminal.