How to punish children for disobedience: the right pedagogical techniques

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

The process of upbringing is quite complex, since it must occur daily, and its success depends on the sequence and purposefulness of actions in adults. But no matter how hard the parents try to explain to the child the rules and norms of behavior in society from birth, there still comes a moment when he violates them, after which punishment necessarily follows. This is where the problem arises for adults, because not every one of them knows how to punish a child for disobedience correctly, so that this process is effective, and the baby does not do the same in the future. This is a bigger problem than it first appears.

How to punish a child for disobedience

First of all, you need to understand that there is a clear prohibition in the process of education, which in no case should be violated - physical punishment is unacceptable! No matter what your child has done, force himby no means is it possible. Even if children become too stubborn, they do all their actions intentionally, while no persuasion works, you still need to look for other ways of punishment, you need to find those words or actions that can affect the child's behavior. It is better to study special literature that will tell you how to properly punish children for disobedience.

You need to stop the wrong actions and actions of the child immediately after you notice them. Before punishing, you need to be absolutely sure that it was your child who committed a specific bad deed, and your actions will be lawful, because otherwise the punishment will have the opposite effect. And then you will start thinking about how to punish children for disobedience, all the time.

Should children always be punished for disobedience

Sometimes parents confuse intentional whims with whims due to illness, hunger or thirst, and very often babies behave this way after illness, because they feel weak. This can be expressed as follows: during lunch they want to sleep, and during the daytime sleep they feel a surge of energy. In this case, it is impossible to punish the child, because the change in the daily routine is unintentional. Therefore, you first need to find out what they are trying to achieve before punishing children for disobedience. Komarovsky says: we need to explain to kids that their whims only upset their parents.

At what age canpunish the child?

Psychologists say that punishing a child under the age of two and a half does not make any sense. The child does not realize that he has done a bad deed, but will think that his parents suddenly stopped loving him, because they forbid him to play the usual games that he played before. Yes, the child understands that this toy is broken or the wall is dirty, but he does not understand that this cannot be done and does not feel guilty for himself, so parents are advised not to punish the child until this age. You don’t need to think about how to punish children for disobedience, you just need to explain to the child the consequences of his behavior every time, for example, that the plate can break if you throw it away, the toy can break and the child will no longer be able to play with it.

At this age, your own example will be effective. Parents can show what actions will please loved ones and what will upset them.

Only when reaching the age of 2, 5-3 years the child slowly begins to independently manage their actions and behavior. But this does not mean that you need to immediately indulge in all serious and punish the baby. And at the specified age, this must be done correctly. First of all, you need to calm down. Under no circumstances should you scream. Try to tell the baby the reason why he is wrong, strictly, but calmly. Literally in a year, the child will already be able to independently distinguish good deeds from bad ones. In the event that you punished him correctly, he will be afraid of your anger, and he will confess everything himself. That's why you need to knowhow to punish children for disobedience.

Remember also about the peculiarity of three-year-old children to go against their parents, not because they want to annoy you, but because they begin to feel their independence and try to show it.

How to properly punish a three-year-old child

When choosing a punishment for a child at this age, consider the fact how much you control your emotions at the moment, whether you can listen to your baby, whether you can give him enough time to analyze the situation.

When a child reaches the age of three, he begins to take an active interest in the world around him. If earlier it was enough for him to simply feel something, now this interest is more global, and the main question is “Why?”. He is not yet able to understand why you can not draw with pencils on the wallpaper or pull the cat's tail.

Rules for punishing children between the ages of 6 and 10

At this age, guys already understand and know what is good and what is bad. However, under certain circumstances, the child may have a desire to rebel, as if declaring their rights. Ways to punish an 8-year-old for disobedience should be the same as for younger children, but new principles are emerging:

1. Before you punish a child for disobedience (9 years old is the age when punishment should already be), you need to make sure that there are no witnesses, since their presence will humiliate the child, which will lead to even moreperseverance.
2. You can not compare a child with other children, the result of this will not be good behavior, but self-doubt and self-doubt.
3. A child should have certain responsibilities at school and at home, but they should not be punishments, such as cleaning or homework.
4. The line of behavior should always be kept to the end, for example, if you decide not to talk to the baby, then you need to maintain this behavior until the child understands what he is to blame, otherwise he will decide that you you will always make concessions, and you will not be able to get rid of misconduct.
5. Do not use the “not” particle, try to explain what needs to be done, and not prohibit, for example, “You can’t eat with unwashed hands” is better to replace with the phrase “You need to wash your hands before eating.” So the child will understand that he is not forbidden to do anything, but is told how best to act.
6. You need to punish even for minor offenses. Remember that if after small violations of the order the child goes unpunished, then each time they will be bigger and bigger, and it will not be possible to stop the fidget.

General rules of punishment

There are certain rules of punishment, the observance of which will help to achieve the desired effect and not spoil the relationship with the child. They do not depend on the age of the baby.

The first rule is that you can't take your anger out on a child. Regardless of the magnitude of the offense, punishment should be a calm and measured action. Onlyso it will have sufficient power. With the breakdown of anger, any punishment becomes unfair, the child will definitely feel it. He does not consider such punishments serious, he will simply be afraid of your cry, he may cry, but he will be sure that you are wrong, which means that he will not change his behavior.

Punishment must necessarily correspond to the act. It should not be too soft or too serious. To do this, you need to carefully analyze the situation, besides, it is recommended to take into account many factors, for example, repeated punishment for a similar offense should be more severe than the previous one. If the child understands his guilt, sincerely repents, then the punishment may be conditional.

In the event that several family members are involved in raising a child at once, they must all adhere to a single opinion about punishment. For example, if dad punishes, and mom constantly regrets, then the child will understand that he can always escape punishment. Therefore, before this, it is better for parents to consult and come to a consensus.

Punishment is a way to show a child the consequences of his bad deeds. It should not be aimed at intimidating the baby, he should realize that this is not the way to do it. Sometimes you don’t need to constantly think about how to punish a child for disobedience (10 years - when this age is reached, a person can clearly understand the cause-and-effect relationships, which means that the punishment will be effective), but it is better to find out the reasons for thisbehavior.

What happens if children are not punished?

Many modern parents believe that a child's happy childhood is due to the absence of punishment. They live in the hope that the child will outgrow his bad behavior, with age he will understand everything. The American pediatrician B. Spock was of the same opinion. He believed that children demand respect, recognition of natural needs, and considered punishment as violence against the psyche. Thus, responsibility was completely removed from the child. However, this method of education leads to the fact that parents go on about their own child. Yes, it’s easier for a baby to live now, in a world where mom is responsible for everything, but as they grow older, it becomes much more difficult for such a child to adapt in society.

Main purpose of punishment

Proper punishment allows the child to form an idea of the boundaries of what is permitted, to avoid selfish, disrespectful attitude towards other people, and also helps the child learn to organize himself. The absence of punishment will lead to the fact that for a certain time the parents will simply accumulate irritation, negative emotions in themselves, which sooner or later will still result in punishment. With a high probability, this will be precisely the use of force, which will become a tragedy for the child.

If the child is not punished, he will not feel cared for, as he will likely assume that his parents do not care what he does. The indulgence of parents does not lead to a change in behavior, but only to conflicts. Therefore, in the life of a child must necessarilybe certain rules, restrictions and prohibitions.

If there are too many punishments

Equally the lack of punishment and their excessive amount does not lead to the desired result. In a family where a child is punished too often, there are two ways of personality development. Either he grows up intimidated, anxious, dependent, he does not understand what can and cannot be done. Or the child may not comply with the norms, rebel, resulting in antisocial behavior. Both the first and second options are an example of a person with psychological trauma. It will be difficult for parents to find an approach to a child who is often punished, as a result, there will be difficulties in accepting responsibility, self-esteem, and self-realization as a person.