How to wean a child from lying: psychological methods and techniques, tips and tricks

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Probably, every parent eventually raises the question: "How to wean a child from lying?" Someone asks them long before children appear in the family. Others, however, become seriously worried when faced directly with a problem. But help in such a complex and controversial issue will not hurt every parent. Moreover, it is better to turn not to psychologists who make money on family problems (and therefore rarely contribute to their effective solution), but to their own wisdom, logic and knowledge of their child.

Why do kids lie?

Perhaps this question is the most important. If you manage to find the answer to it, then half the work is already done. Unfortunately, it is especially difficult to deal with him. It is not enough just to know your own child well. You also need to be able to put yourself in his place, remember how you were at his age. And thanks to this, you can already understand why he is telling a lie, and here you can already figure out how to wean a child from lying - at 5 years old or 15, it doesn’t matter.

Let's look at some of the mostimportant and simple rules.

Separating lies from fantasy

Quite often, parents of 5-6-year-old children grab their heads: "The child is constantly lying!" In fact, at this age, children lie quite rarely. But they fantasize - extremely actively. Moreover, fantasies are often so interesting for them that they do not distinguish them very well from reality. It is quite understandable that they will describe everyday life to their parents, generously seasoning their story with fictional adventures. This is usually not too difficult to identify if you give the child a minute of time and think logically.

Someone broke the vase when there was no one else in the house except the child, and he denies his involvement? An understandable lie.

He tells how he traveled with his friends - a teddy bear and a robot - through a magical land? The child is happy to share a fictional world with you, to let you into it.

Hence, the former must be condemned. And the second is desirable to encourage. Is it bad when a person has a rich imagination? After all, it will always be fun with him - both in childhood and in adulthood.

Fear of punishment

Quite often you have to find a way to wean a child of 10 years old, as well as a little older or younger, parents who regularly punish children.

As in the vase example discussed above, the child tries to shift the blame for his misdeeds to others or to some imaginary circumstances. Almost always lead the young deceiver toclean water is easy. Of course, he must understand: lying never frees from punishment, on the contrary, aggravates it.

However, it's still worth considering - isn't the punishment for misconduct too harsh? Still, children always remain children - it is difficult for them to predict the consequences of their actions, and they physically cannot sit still all day doing boring things.

Family problems

One of the most serious difficulties arises in not quite prosperous families. Children even subconsciously react very sensitively to changes in the behavior of their parents. And any conflicts lead to the fact that lies are born. It takes a lot of work here to figure out how to wean a child from lying at age 12 or older.

Watch his behavior. If a lie is often combined with excessive aggression, even vandalism (shouts, swears, breaks one's own or other people's things), then the problem lies not at all in the child, but in the parents or the immediate environment. Children quickly notice that parents who are very quarreling among themselves will unite against them if they do something demonstratively bad.

Let's take a simple example. Parents sort things out in a raised voice in the kitchen. The child goes there, takes a plate from the table and defiantly breaks it, after which he declares that he did not do it. Parents, forgetting about the recent conflict, begin to scold him. For a while, they become a family again. Believe me, children do not like it at all when they are caught in such lies and scolded. But the fact that the parents forgot about the quarrel, albeit for a while,makes them go to a frankly bad deed.

In such a situation, do not look for a way to wean a child of 7 years old (or 8, or any other age) from lying. Try to deal with your own problems, preferably alone. You will see: when any disagreements are eliminated, the family will again become a reliable unit of society, lies will simply disappear as such.

Protest

Sometimes problems appear even in extremely prosperous, almost ideal (especially when viewed from the outside) families. And this happens when the child becomes a teenager. To understand how to wean a child aged 11 and over from lying, try to remember yourself at his age.

Never judge in the heat of the moment - always remember that a child, teenager and adult are three completely different beings.

5-7-year-old child, when talking with parents, is always happy to share any secrets, tells what happened in kindergarten and school, in communication with friends. But with age, he no longer feels the same attachment to his parents, he realizes more and more independence. Adults, on the other hand, are not aware of this, demanding the preservation of the former frankness. Sometimes they even begin to press when the child does not want to talk about everything. This is where deception comes into play.

Of course, constant monitoring can sometimes protect the child from problems. But much more often it leads to the fact that family relationships simply fall apart, a conflict arises.

Lack of freedom

This situation stems directly from the describedabove. The older the child gets, the more freedom he wants to get. Therefore, you need to think very seriously about your own behavior before looking for a way to wean a child of 10 years and older from lying.

He is 15-17 years old, he wants to hang out with friends, travel, try new things, and his parents strictly forbid him all this? Yes, they protect him from problems. But they also protect from real life, growing up. As a result, he begins to play up, keep silent, and even openly lie.

Of course, a child and a teenager should not be given complete freedom - it can seriously break firewood. But if you know that he will still go to the concert of his favorite group, with or without your consent, it is better to make some indulgence. This will show your son or daughter that you are still on their side, and will save you from the almost inevitable lie.

Don't heat things up

Some parents, catching a child in a lie, arrange a real tragedy. Yes, it is very insulting when children tell a lie. But, sadly, lying is almost an integral part of modern life. It is impossible to find a person who would go through life without ever telling a lie.

Therefore, first of all, we can advise you not to panic, not to dramatize once again. You need to act confidently, firmly, but thoughtfully. Think about whether you yourself are to blame for provoking the child. And after that, make a decision - to punish or pardon.

New age, new baby

Probably any experienced, wise parentknows perfectly well that advice on how to wean a child from lying at 8 years old and at 16 years old is very different.

First of all because of the motives of the child. This has already been mentioned above. Let's look at why a child can lie at different stages of personality development.

From 3 to 5 years, a lie is very rarely thought out, aimed at obtaining a certain benefit. But if it takes place, then it should be severely suppressed - with punishments, a boycott, a curtailment of some benefits. If here lies for the sake of lies, then, most likely, this is just a fantasy - this has already been said.

From the age of 6 to 12 you are dealing with almost a teenager. Here lies are already much more thoughtful, cunning, planned. Therefore, it is desirable to punish a liar - decisively, even defiantly. Usually a child lies to avoid punishment, to get some kind of reward.

After the age of 12, a child already becomes a teenager - almost an adult. He needs freedom, independence, his own life. And parents are not ready to give him all this. As a result, a serious conflict of generations begins. But it can be avoided. We will talk about this a little later.

The main thing is to understand: advice on how to wean a child of 10 years old is very different from advice on a 5- or 15-year-old child.

Choose the right punishment

The punishment for lying should be harsh. Shouting, physical impact (of course, for educational purposes, and not real beatings), curtailing some familiar rights (walking, pocket money, sweets, playing at the computer)usually work great.

Here it is very important that the child really feel the consequences of his lies. If he feels that the punishment was very mild, then soon we should expect the next batch of lies - more thoughtful, subtle and cunning. It will be much more difficult to open it.

This is not a whim of "domestic tyrants" at all. At an early age, children do not understand at all what a lie can turn into. They are not experienced and far-sighted enough for this. Undermining trust in the family, a quarrel with friends, problems at school - it all starts with a harmless and petty lie. So, by roughly punishing the child, instilling a real fear of lies, you will protect him from serious troubles in the future, for which he will thank you more than once when he grows up.

Is it always worth punishing?

But still, it is desirable to carefully understand each fact of a lie, and not to cut off the shoulder, not to act according to the template.

After all, sometimes children act illogically, but really noble. Knowing that his best friend will be hit by a broken window, he may start to cover it up, even take the blame to save his comrade.

How should you proceed in this case? First of all, talk to him. Discuss the situation from different angles. On the one hand, he acts nobly, protecting a friend. This is appreciated in childhood and even more so in adulthood. On the other hand, if a friend asked for such a favor, is it worth it to continue to communicate with him? After all, attempts to use the nobility of yourson can lead to trouble such a duet. As a result, just the guilty person can get away with it.

Your child does not understand this - there is not enough worldly experience. And you should have enough. And your parental duty is to help him in such an ambiguous situation. Well, to punish for such a lie or not - decide for yourself.

Be an example

Before you think about how to wean a 9-year-old child from lying, think carefully: do you have the right to do so? Unfortunately, very often parents who demand perfect honesty from their children cannot serve as an example. Think about whether children observe lies in your family? A person with whom you do not want to talk calls on your phone, and you ask your wife to answer, to say that you allegedly forgot your mobile at home? Calling your boss asking for sick leave for the flu while you're going fishing? Children see it all and… repeat it.

It would take many months to erase even a single instance of a lie from the memory of children. Try not to bring the seeds of lies into your family, and you can be sure that they will not germinate in your children. Well, if it does happen, you will be able to punish them with confidence, knowing that you are not to blame for the lies.

Well, just try to keep your word. After all, promising to take a walk with the child after work, and instead spending the evening on your own business, you are also deceiving him.

Let's get more freedom

The last piece of advice will again touch on the age of children and independence. Try to give the child freedom gradually so that it does not hit inhead. After all, sooner or later any normal person begins to live separately from their parents. One at the age of 16, and the other at 25. And being without adult control, those who previously lived under constant control often make serious mistakes, sometimes life-breaking.

So instead of thinking about how to wean a child of 8 years or older from lying, try to create conditions in which he does not want to do this. Gradually offering more and more freedom, you help children get used to it, to accept not only freedom, but also responsibility for their every action. Perhaps this is the best thing that a loving and wise parent can do for his child, whom he wishes well.

Conclusion

This concludes our article. We hope you can now deal with many cases of lies in your family, and maybe even avoid them. This means that you will live your whole life surrounded by close, loving people who will always be faithful and reliable.