How to keep a relationship at a distance: advice from a psychologist

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Relationships at a distance - reality or myth? By the will of fate, some couples have to part for a while. And if you can survive a couple of weeks, then what about those who part for a period of 1 month or more? Or what to do when lovers live at a distance? How to keep the former warmth of relations, how not to wean and, most importantly, not to decide on a step of treason? How to maintain relationships at a distance? What do psychologists say?

What do the statistics say? Are long distance relationships possible?

As practice shows, a considerable number of couples faced the problem of separation. For some, these were temporary difficulties, for example, in the form of a business trip of one of the lovers or military service. But there are also couples who started or continued their relationship at a distance.

Psychologists have identified the situation with such relationships as one of the most problematic and unstable. Statistics show that many couples cannot stand a long separation, so one or both partners turn their attention tosomeone else. There are also relationships for which separation is not a hindrance, and lovers manage to keep their former feelings without even seeing each other.

Psychologists' opinion

Psychologists have their own view on this problem. Experts believe that in order to maintain a relationship, a couple must have certain factors that coincide. For example:

• sexual and biological compatibility;
• similar views on life;
• living in one geographic location.

The last factor is important, and according to psychologists too. So distance is detrimental to relationships, no matter how strong and passionate they may be in the early stages. 2-3 years spent not together kill all tender feelings in people, alienating them from each other not only territorially. To be among those people who are happy living several kilometers apart, you should heed the advice of psychologists on long-distance relationships.

Keep in touch

Relationships at a distance between a man and a woman are impossible without constant contact. If earlier it was possible to communicate using letters, now it is possible to do it via the Internet, phone calls and video calls. You need to call up and correspond as often as possible, preferably every day or every other day, but in no case, when there is time for this. In order to save a relationship, sometimes you have to sacrifice something. Living together or nearby, people in a couple constantly communicate. The same must be done at a distance. Otherwise all lovecome to naught.

Without constant contact with each other, especially verbal, lovers gradually wean from the manifestation of warm feelings for their half, coldness and remoteness sets in in relationships. Of course, this can happen to those who see each other regularly, but it happens faster at a distance.

You can start communication with a morning SMS wishing you a good day and expressing your feelings. In the afternoon or evening, you can call or chat on Skype. Constant contact can warm up love feelings and the desire to meet soon.

Don't focus on problems

Very often a lump of problems crushes with its load when a person is separated from his other half. Of course, when there is support nearby, it is easier to cope with difficulties. Therefore, psychologists strongly recommend separated couples not to get hung up on accumulated problems, not to become discouraged and not dump all this burden on their soul mate all the time.

Distance undermines a person's emotional state. He constantly misses his partner, and then there are household, financial or personal problems that overtake him at the wrong time. Advice from psychologists: abstract for a while, but do not stop solving your problems. As often as possible, be distracted by entertainment, cultural events, communication with friends. Do not make accumulated adversity the basis of your existence. Talk with your lover about something pleasant, about a meeting soon, about future joint plans. This will not only solve the problem ofhow to keep relationships at a distance, but also significantly improve the internal state.

Towards life

Undoubtedly, the absence of a loved one nearby spoils the mood and undermines the inner mood for any accomplishments. Therefore, psychologists give advice: long-distance relationships should not be limited to relationships alone.

Live, rejoice, set goals and achieve them, change your image, get yourself a hobby, change your hated job. In other words, live to the fullest. In separation, it is common for many people to fall into despondency, which eventually develops into apathy, and even worse, into depression. Psychologists strongly recommend not to dwell on the fact that there is no loved one nearby. You should not live only with thoughts about the upcoming meeting. This will not only adversely affect the internal state, but will also lead to a deterioration in relations.

Need for meetings

Lovers living far from each other are deprived of the joy of regular meetings, and without this there is no point in a relationship. Therefore, for those who are subjected to such a test as distance, psychologists strongly recommend starting a date schedule and not deviating from it, except in case of force majeure.

If the desired meeting is scheduled for a certain date, then you should not reschedule it if it is not necessary. After all, it is not known for how long the meeting will be postponed and whether it will take place at all in the near future. For convenience, you should agree with your partner on how often you would like (have the opportunity) to meet, for example, 2 times a month,and strictly follow the plans. Postponing or postponing a date will eventually begin to gradually suppress the need for it, the desire to see each other will go to the back rows. And such relationships at a distance are doomed to a sad ending.

One thing for two

Both lovers who live nearby and a couple who are separated have the same chances of breaking up if the partners have absolutely nothing in common. Nothing to discuss. Therefore, the relationship of a man and a woman at a distance must be supported by common interests. It is important that lovers consult with each other, share their impressions and their attitude to something.

This is not about partners crocheting and discussing pattern patterns or discussing what kind of oil to fill in a car. No, this, of course, is also wonderful, but for long-distance relationships, you can do otherwise.

Modern technologies allow you to stay on video call 24 hours a day. Therefore, in order to strengthen relationships in separation, you can go shopping "together" (each in his own city), consulting about a particular purchase. And if one of the partners is going to visit an interesting exhibition at the place of his stay, he can "take with him" his soul mate. So you can spend your free time together even at a distance.

No cheating

A long-distance relationship can be said to be "unsustainable". And this, unfortunately, is true, because, without seeing for a long time, and most importantly, without physically feeling his partner, a person begins toget out of it. Tactile contact is no less important than visual and verbal. This provokes many to search for someone who is closer, someone who is somewhat similar to that distant, dear one.

The statistics of long-distance relationships is sad because most couples break up because of infidelity. Moreover, the partner who has changed does not break off relations with his former soul mate, while continuing to build new ones. Therefore, psychologists recommend that those who value their relationship do not lie to their beloved. Everyone suffers from this: both the one who is being deceived and the one who is deceiving.

Even without confessing his act, the betrayer will no longer be able to live in the old relationship as before. His state will be depressed, in relation to his partner he will experience shame and remorse. Only pure relationships without lies and betrayal are capable of continuing.

Talk about problems

Discussing the controversial issues that have arisen is relevant not only for those couples who live at a distance. But if nearby lovers can immediately resolve the conflict, then relationships at a distance do not allow this. As a result, partners tend to think out what is not there, thereby aggravating a seemingly simple situation. Partners, especially women, after embellishing the conflict situation in their head, begin to be offended, ignore the relationship with their lover, thereby leading them to discord.

Psychologists advise to resolve controversial issues, as they say, "on the spot". This can be discussed incorrespondence or call as soon as a free minute appears. It is necessary to dot the "i" immediately, otherwise the separation will occur due to a seemingly trifling turmoil.

Self-realization and development

Relationships with a man at a distance or with a woman should be self-sufficient, but not overlapping the personality of each of the partners. The mistakes of many people living apart are that they completely dissolve in these relationships, live only by them and their beloved, completely forgetting about their own person. This mistake can also cause the relationship to end. After all, interest in a partner disappears when he is constantly in a melancholy mood, his eye does not burn with a desire to live and develop. If a person is not interested in himself, then he is not interested in anyone. Alas, but it is.

While the other half is not around, this is a great way to take care of yourself: learn a new profession, learn a new language, go in for sports, learn how to cook well, change your appearance. By telling your lover about your new successes, you will arouse in him a new interest in you, a desire to see you and your achievements with your own eyes, make him look at you in a new way. Therefore, this will not only save relationships at a distance, but also increase self-esteem.

And what is the result?

Relationships at a distance are painstaking work that requires patience, prudence, maturity, and most importantly, the desire to build these relationships from both partners. Unfortunately, many such relationships are doomed to break, because for loversthis becomes a serious test that they are unable to overcome. This is especially true for still very young people.

But if the test is passed, then, as practice shows, such relationships become the most durable and indestructible, because lovers have proven that they are able to overcome everything together, while maintaining love, loy alty and respect for each other.