Matchmaking: what to say to matchmakers from the side of the groom, their duties

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Traditions of matchmaking are ancient customs and procedures performed to obtain permission from the bride's parents for marriage. Today, the conduct of matchmaking is rather a tribute and respect to the past, because the decision to conduct the ceremony is made by young people regardless of the opinion of their parents. The article describes how matchmaking should be carried out correctly by the groom, what to say to matchmakers and what are the signs for the bride's girlfriends for matchmaking.

Tradition of matchmaking

Young people who have secured the consent of their chosen one for marriage, as a rule, relax. They believe that all the frightening and exciting moments are left behind. It is difficult to imagine a more exciting event than a marriage proposal. Doubts and fear of being rejected will make even self-confident men pretty nervous. But the real test awaits the groom a little later. It is worth the young man to relax and calm down in anticipationon a fateful day, how suddenly matchmaking "appears" on the event horizon.

Matchmaking was necessary in order to introduce the parents and relatives of the bride and groom. In Russia, the word of the father of the family had enormous weight, and if he refused, the wedding could not take place at all. Therefore, the main thing for the groom's matchmakers was to make a favorable impression on the father of the bride, and present the "daring merchant" in a favorable light. The side of the bride was supposed to provide a worthy reception, thereby showing that they were not in poverty, and the reception of grooms was almost a daily routine for them.

Now, when the decision to marry is made by two adult independent people, matchmaking is nothing more than a tribute to traditions and fun for the older generation. A young couple, as a rule, does not refuse relatives in such a small way, which does not detract from the importance and feelings associated with arranging matchmaking.

Why do matchmaking

Before deciding on marriage, young people introduce their chosen ones to their parents in advance. Matchmaking is necessary for parents and relatives to get to know each other, as well as to discuss the organization of wedding celebrations and solve the financial side of the matter. Modern realities are such that it is rare for young people to master the holiday on their own, when they can.

The traditional part of matchmaking by the groom

What to say to matchmakers - you need to know in advance. Vintage costumes serve rather as an entertaining part of the meeting, so that everyone is imbued with the spirit of the upcomingdevelopments. However, omitting this part would be the wrong decision, then everything would become too official, "without a soul" and not "in Russian".

Who can be matchmakers from the groom's side

Matchmakers from the groom's side do not have to be relatives. You can choose a close friend for the honorary role. The main requirement is a lively character, lack of excessive modesty and an excellent sense of humor, coupled with the ability to drink strong drinks. The words of the matchmakers from the side of the groom at the matchmaking may seem strange, outdated and even slightly provocative, it is important that the chosen person does not stutter or blush when making a speech.

There are no age restrictions when choosing matchmakers either. Young people, as a rule, are more "punching" and persistent, they take it "arrogantly" and courageously. Older people may already know what to say to matchmakers for matchmaking and will quickly find a common language with the bride's parents.

The groom was accompanied by his father or godfather as moral support. It was not forbidden to choose a woman as a matchmaker, but a visit to the bride's house should have looked random, as if they were "passing by" - they decided to look in, and then such a "flower grew in the garden." Therefore, it is not customary to come to matchmaking in a large and noisy crowd.

How to dress for matchmakers

The clothes of matchmakers in the past were neat and smart, but in general they did not differ much from everyday clothes. Men wore an embroidered shirt and best boots, women put on light make-up and instead of a headscarfwore a kokoshnik. A distinctive feature of the matchmakers were embroidered towels tied over the shoulder. The bride and groom were supposed to dress smartly in everything new.

Today, relatives and young people must decide for themselves whether they will wear traditional costumes or not. If the matchmakers do not mind, then it is permissible if only they put on the suits. In fact, it will be enough to tie a ribbon over ordinary clothes.

Responsibilities of matchmakers by the groom

The task of matchmakers from the groom's side is to talk about the wedding smoothly and easily, but at the same time with hints and omissions. This tradition is associated with a possible refusal, which was a blow to the good name of the groom. When the request was expressed vaguely and vaguely, then the refusal should have sounded in the same form, which was considered less offensive.

Matchmakers had to be quick-witted and understand hints and unspoken phrases. There is a whole list of phrases and sayings that need to be said during matchmaking to the groom's matchmakers. Sayings vary slightly depending on the region of the country.

The image above shows examples of what to say to matchmakers of the bride and groom. The list has forms for consent and polite refusal. The phrase: "Thank you for love, matchmaker; and now we don't want to give away the girls" - meant that parents doubt and ask for time to think, but do not refuse completely and accept matchmakers another time.

Why do I need a parental blessing?

In Russiathe decisive word in the permission for the wedding was with the father of the family. Very often, the basis for consent was the financial situation of the groom and the bride's family. Often the bride was against the father's decision, but did not have the right to object or challenge it. This state of affairs was typical not only for peasant and merchant families, but also among the nobility.

In Russian painting, a large number of works are dedicated to unhappy brides. But such cases were not common practice. Parents loved their children and in most cases were interested in their opinion before agreeing to marriage, although they tried to influence their children. “It’s not the we alth where you are going, but what you will earn yourself” - one of the possible phrases of the answer of the groom’s matchmakers, if the material condition was a delicate topic.

The opinion of parents even now is of great importance, therefore the approval of the closest and dearest people in the life of the bride and groom plays an important role. This is another reason to arrange a matchmaking. Even if the relationship between the groom and the bride's parents is not the warmest, matchmaking is a great opportunity to try to change the already established opinion.

What matchmakers should do with a loaf

It is not customary in Russian tradition to visit empty-handed. An excellent treat on the bride's table from the groom's matchmakers will be a loaf. Bread has always played a huge role in the culture of the Slavs. "Bread is the head of everything" - said the farmers, millers and bakers.

Veryit is important to learn the phrases that tell the groom's matchmakers at the matchmaking, but it will not be superfluous to cook a loaf. Presenting skillfully made bread, the groom will show respect to the bride's parents. Also, a young man can take a bouquet of flowers for a future mother-in-law.

What treat matchmakers

It was a matter of honor for any family to receive matchmakers richly. People used to say "A skinny groom will show the way to an excellent man", so they greeted the guests with all cordiality and hospitability. The dish on the table depended on the season. They always tried to cook meat of domestic animals or poultry, if the family was rich, a lot of pickles, mushrooms, vegetables, prepared various holiday pies, pies and jams. Many matchmaking sayings are related to food, examples are shown in the image below.

Housewives tried to serve their "signature" dishes, there must have been dishes prepared by the bride on the table. The matchmakers were told about this, they offered to taste and evaluate the skills of the future wife. When matchmaking on the part of the groom, it was impossible to tell the matchmakers that the bride or the hostess was clumsy and tasteless cooking, even if it was true. The bride's parents could justifiably be offended and refuse matchmakers.

Can matchmakers drink alcoholic beverages

It is not only possible to drink strong drinks for matchmakers from the side of the groom, but it should be. To refuse the offering of the hosts means to express distrust and disrespect for the host. Therefore, when choosing matchmakers, the groom should take into account an important point. The main thing in this matter iswithout fanaticism, everything should be in moderation. It may be worth discussing with the bride's parents in advance the drinks that should be on the table. Many prefer low-alcohol drinks to strong ones. A variant of an ostentatious "cup" drunk for the sake of appearance is possible, because it is better to discuss the organization of a wedding celebration soberly, after all, the purpose of the event is not a celebration.

Sayings and traditional sayings of matchmakers from the groom's side

The main task for matchmakers when preparing for matchmaking from the groom's side is what to say to the bride's matchmakers. There are no ready-made texts, as such, for memorization. There is a set of standard phrases and sayings that have survived from past times. Matchmakers must have considerable eloquence and be able to smoothly and smoothly combine outdated turns and modern jokes in their speech. The use of many surviving expressions is not always appropriate, because the meaning of some words and combinations eludes modern man.

The list contains not only the phrases that the groom's matchmakers say at the matchmaking, but also the possible answers of the bride's parents. The host party must also prepare well for the visit and learn a lot of tricky words. In order not to lose face, you need to familiarize yourself with the approximate answers and be ready to answer correctly. Immediately after meeting the owners of the house, the groom's matchmakers had to intricately indicate the purpose of their visit. Sample wording can be found in the list shown in the image above. More modern formulations are also possible.for example, "You have a product, we have a merchant." An explanation of the purpose of the visit is also acceptable in a joking manner: “You have a lump of dough and we have a lump of dough, can’t they be dumped in one place?”.

Phrases praising the groom are also very colorful, as well as demands to present the bride for "assessment" to matchmakers, for example, "We need not rye or wheat, but a red maiden." After introducing the matchmakers to each other and parents, mutual assurances of the "quality of goods" and "solventness of the merchant", guests and hosts, under characteristic phrases, should go to the table with refreshments, and discuss the details of the wedding without hints and inaccuracies.

How to determine that the matchmaking took place?

Initially, one trip to the bride's parents might not be enough. Either the words of the matchmakers from the side of the groom at the matchmaking were not very convincing, or the bride doubted the correctness of the choice, and the father indulged her, but the groom could ask for permission for the wedding for a long time and repeatedly. There were no doubts only in the case of sincere feelings of the young, a decent age of the bride or her lack of a dowry.

Young couples can breathe a sigh of relief, if the relatives did not quarrel at the matchmaking and were able to reach certain agreements, then the event definitely succeeded. Even if they could not make specific decisions about the date, venue and financial issue of the wedding, this is just an excuse to meet in a quiet and cozy atmosphere for a more serious conversation.

Matchmakers should evaluate their work bythe amount of laughter and fun at the meeting. The more the young people and their parents smile, the more confident it can be stated that the matchmakers from the groom's side have coped with their duties.