How to overcome the crisis of 10 years of marriage: advice from a psychologist

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

No relationship can proceed without quarrels and scandals. However, over time, people do not notice that there are more of them, and feelings gradually fade away. Rekindling the fire of love is not so easy. We will talk about how to overcome the crisis of 10 years of marriage on the advice of a psychologist. In addition, you will learn a lot about the reasons for the decline of family relationships.

What is a relationship crisis?

Recognizing that spouses are experiencing a decline in their life together may not be as easy as it seems at first glance. A crisis in a relationship (10 years of marriage) usually occurs in most couples. As a rule, such families already have children, and mutual dissatisfaction and grinding have long passed to the household level. In addition, this period is complicated by the fact that each of the partners is experiencing a midlife crisis.

Characteristic signs that you are experiencing a crisis in a relationship is dissatisfaction with your ownlife. A person begins to gradually realize that the family takes away his precious time, energy and freedom, which could be put into a creative channel or sent to the implementation of a profitable project. Various everyday difficulties only exacerbate the situation - such an attitude towards one's own life is typical for many partners.

Signs of a relationship crisis

The crisis of 10 years in family relationships is very easy to confuse with the usual disagreements that can arise between partners every now and then. That is why it is important to pay attention to the signs that are listed.

1. Indifference. The couple begins to feel that their partner's life is no longer important to them. The fire of love ceases to burn, and cold comes to replace it. First, such an attitude appears on the part of one partner, and then becomes characteristic of the other. Because of this, many couples break up, and each of the partners declares: "I don't feel that he (she) still loves me."
2. Reluctance to make concessions. Think back to your first years together. You tried to take into account not only your own interests, but also the opinion of your partner. In all disputes, the solution has always been a compromise, but 10 years of living together will sooner or later lead to the fact that people simply stop making concessions to each other. Your own opinions and desires will come to the fore.
3. Lack of intimacy. One of the clearest signs that a crisis is coming (or has already come) in your relationship. This is notnothing surprising. Until the spouses can communicate normally with each other, there can be no talk of sex. Because of this, many partners even begin to cheat, claiming that their partner refuses to satisfy them in bed.
4. Frequent scandals and quarrels. Yes, it is simply impossible to imagine a relationship without disagreements. However, if we are talking about a period of crisis, then everything becomes completely different. Spouses no longer "filter" their arguments and often get personal in order to hurt their partner. At the end of an argument, each side is on its own, and even shed tears are no reason to apologize.

And these are just the most common signs. If you notice in time that your relationship has begun to roll downhill, you can correct the current situation before it becomes critical.

Reasons for the development of the crisis

Why in some couples the crisis of 10 years of family life does not even come? Is it really all about the fact that people get along so well with each other and struggle with all crisis manifestations even before they arise? Psychologists identify 4 aspects of marital compatibility, which often become the reasons for the deterioration of relationships.

1. Spiritual compatibility. If partners have too different values, interests, views on life and needs, then sooner or later this will lead to mutual criticism and the development of a crisis.
2. Family and household compatibility. This may include the desire or unwillingness to perform certain duties. Tofor example, some men believe that cleaning, washing and cooking is exclusively a female prerogative.
3. Personal compatibility. As a rule, it is expressed in the characteristics of the temperament of the spouses and manifests itself even at the stage of acquaintance. It is unlikely that a couple will get along well if one person gets up early in the morning and the other sleeps until noon.
4. Physiological compatibility. Partners may not be suitable for each other due to the fact that they are not able to get mutual satisfaction during intimacy due to the structural features of the genitals.

However, do not forget that the compatibility of two people does not appear immediately. Truly loving couples tend to adapt. Even if one of the partners is uncharacteristic of the views of his soulmate, he will not talk about it. But how long can a person last? Depends on the compatibility of the two young people.

Show respect for your partner

Now let's look at how to overcome the crisis of 10 years of marriage on the advice of psychologists. First, you need to learn how to show respect towards your soulmate. Even if you don’t feel it from your life partner yet, just take the first step. Start telling your loved one how important they are to you. Be sure to emphasize why exactly so that the phrase does not sound too flattering. To do this, you can focus on a certain character trait of your partner: “You are so hardworking. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t found you. Take a break, eat sandwiches withtea.

Maintain your dignity

It's about your partner's feelings. Most couples begin to break up only because one of the partners constantly criticizes or even humiliates their soulmate. It is especially painful to hear this in the company of close friends or relatives. However, if you maintain your spouse's self-esteem, sooner or later he will realize that he is very comfortable being around you. If, instead of criticism, he hears the words: "You are the best. No one in the world could solve this problem, and even so quickly," then you will also never be criticized. The most important thing is to make it sound really convincing - flattery will be inappropriate.

Don't mention old mistakes

Especially if the person has already repented of them and apologized more than once. Otherwise, this will lead to the fact that your partner will constantly experience a feeling of irritation. No one likes constant reproaches, especially when it comes to those things that can no longer be fixed. If a person cheated on you once and you remind him of this only so that the scenario does not repeat itself, it is best to refrain from such actions. Otherwise, this will lead the partner to the feeling that he will now pay for the rest of his life for complete stupidity. Well, such a feeling will inevitably develop into a crisis in relationships.

Don't aggravate brewing conflicts

Most of the crises of 10 years of marriage occur only because partners often come into conflict and quarrels. However, if at least one of them begins to control anger and irritation within himself, then the situation will not escalate to the limit, and discontent will fade. Just instead of exchanging mutual reproaches, try to take your mind off the situation that both of you do not like. For example, you can go to the cinema or take a walk in the park. Understand that not a single quarrel and squabble has ever led to good. Therefore, value your time and warm feelings in a relationship.

Show mutual care

What years of marriage are the most dangerous for the development of the crisis? Most psychologists claim that 3 years after meeting a partner, when the feeling of love begins to fade away. But how exactly does this lead to the development of the crisis? People just stop caring about each other. As a result, both partners get the impression that their lover has already begun to spit on them. But to prevent such a feeling, it is enough just to remember to take care of your partner. It is not at all necessary to bother him with the phrases: “Is everything all right? Or “Do you need help?” Try to take care not with words, but with actions. to watch your spouse trying to get something from a high shelf, just bring a stepladder and help her.

10 years - whatwedding?

Many people ask this question. Especially for our readers, we answer that such a wedding is usually called "tin". Agree that tin is no longer a tree. It will not break from strong pressure, but can only melt from high temperatures. So don't let your anger and negative emotions build up. Let the fire of love and the flame of passion warm you better. Remember that both partners are always to blame for the development of a crisis. If one of them learns to control his emotions and makes concessions, then all conflicts will subside even in the early stages of development. We hope that now you will not wonder: "10 years - what kind of wedding?" Tin is a pretty good result, isn't it?

Conclusion

We hope now you understand better how to prevent the development of the crisis of 10 years of marriage. Well, if you have already entered this stage in a relationship, then advice from psychologists should help you. Of course, this is easier said than done. However, if you can find the strength in yourself to make concessions, then you will have a long and happy future together. Well, if the situation is already at the limit, then do not be afraid to seek help from a specialist. The family therapist must find the root of the problem and give some recommendations that will allow you to get rid of it. But what you definitely should not do is complain about your spouse to children or friends.