Why children fight: reasons, psychologist's advice

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Why do kids fight? Parents often worry about this. It seems that everything is calm in the family, and education is given due. In this case, the child periodically climbs into a fight. Where was the mistake made? Why are the kids fighting? What are the reasons for the fight and how to fix the situation?

Main reasons

Before you start raising a child and teaching that fighting is not good, you need to find out why the baby behaves this way. The main reasons for this behavior can be as follows:

1. Lack of attention from parents. The child is trying in every way to attract the attention of dad and mom. If the request "Mom, play with me" does not work, then the child begins to behave aggressively. Sometimes fighting is a way to get attention.
2. Constant humiliation: from both parents and peers. There are children who can just withdraw into themselves. And there are kids who will release their offense with the help of their fists.
3. Power is power. Winning the fight, the child tries to prove his strength in front of other guys. And he does it just to look superior in the eyes of others. Sometimesthe choice falls especially on guys much weaker to prove their superiority.
4. Wrong upbringing. Unfortunately, there are families where dad raises his hand to mom (but it happens vice versa), and if a child sees this, he believes that any issue can be resolved by a fight. Or the baby is naughty (tired or just attracts attention), but instead of affection from parents or signs of attention, he gets on the buttocks (palm, belt). This makes the baby angrier. And also makes it clear that the use of force is the way out of any situation.
5. Aggression in the family. Fights between parents may be completely absent. But constant scandals accumulate anger in the baby, and he splashes it out through a fight.
6. Encouragement since childhood. This does not mean that mom or dad patted the child on the head because he got into a fight. But if the baby took the toy from another or, in a fit of anger, hit a nearby child, then you need to act, and not let it go. You need to ask why the baby did this, and without screaming, calmly explain the wrongness of his behavior.

Other reasons

The main reasons are described above, but it is worth noting the secondary ones as well. So why do little kids fight?

1. Incorrect conclusion after a fight. For example, the kid did not get into a fight on his own, he was dragged in, and he managed to fight back. In response, his parents praise him and say that they are proud of him. Of course, there is no need to scold the child. It is important that the child can take care of himself. But there is no need to focus on this. The child must understand that he himself starts a fight withoutreasons not worth it.
2. Media. Children get a lot of information from TV and the Internet. And if dad often watches action films, and the child glances, then on a subconscious level, he remembers that a fight will help solve any problem.
3. Child feels uncomfortable in kindergarten or school. He is insulted or humiliated there. By fighting, the kid is trying to show that he no longer wants to visit this institution.
4. Bad company. The child's friends love to be the instigators of the fight, and the child tries to imitate the behavior of his peers.

The above is why kids fight. Knowing the reasons, you can find a way out of any situation. It is best to eradicate such behavior early on and not wait until it is too late.

Fights in kindergarten and school

Why do children fight in the garden or at school? Before you start a conversation with the baby about the fight, you must definitely talk with all the participants in the incident. Each child will have their own point of view, and each will have their own truth.

Don't scold your baby, even if he is the instigator and even if he is wrong. The child needs to know that fighting is not the way out; you can find the solution with words. If the kid wanted to prove his truth with a fight, then you should let him know that it is better to prove it with deeds. It will be more convincing.

If after a fight you immediately punish the child (because it turned out that he is to blame), then the kid will only hold a grudge. And this will be the reason for the next quarrel and fight. It may be that the child will simply stop fighting back (he will be afraid of punishment) and anyone who wants to will take out offense on him.

Causes of fights in kindergarten

Common causes of fights are:

• defending your interests ("my dad is better", "my phone is cooler" and so on);
• an attempt to take a leading position, to be the main one in the team;
• splash of accumulated aggression;
• just to get attention.

Family situation and fights of a two-year-old child

Why does a child fight at two? The answer to this question is a little more difficult. A kid at this age still cannot fully explain his behavior. Here you should assess the situation in the family and analyze the situation itself, which led to the fight.

Why do children fight among themselves?

The main reason for quarrels and fights is the desire to show one's superiority. It is the responsibility of the parent to let the child (at any age) understand that fighting will not solve problems. The kid should be able to stand up for himself, but you should not be the instigator of a fight. You need to try to find out the cause of the quarrel and find a compromise. The child should know that smart people solve all problems with deeds, and weak people with their fists.

Even knowing why children fight, it is not always possible to find an approach to the child. Sometimes the help of a psychologist is needed. Perhaps the child just needs to throw out the negativity and energy. In this case, it is better to drink sedatives.

Fights with brother, sister,household members

Why does a child fight with parents? It often happens that parents just laugh and find it funny when a baby (for example, at the age of one and a half years) beats his mother, grandmother or sister. And later it turns into a serious problem. Fighting should be fought from birth.

This is the first reason for fights with relatives. The child feels a sense of permissiveness. Since this makes the parents happy, the kid is happy to cheer them up by hitting one of the relatives again.

The second reason is the desire to attract the attention of relatives. Why does a child fight a year? It is not uncommon for mom and dad to get tired after work. In addition, there are so many household chores, and there is no time for a child. The kid is also tired of being ignored, he needs to express his love and get the same in return from his parents. Sometimes the time (30 minutes daily) allocated to the baby gives an excellent result. You can push back cooking, washing the floor and so on - these things will not go anywhere, and there will be no problems if they are done in half an hour.

The third reason is that something happened to the child during the day (a drawing didn’t work out, a favorite toy broke, just a bad mood), and he tries to throw out the negative by hitting one of his relatives. Punishment and abuse are unnecessary here. You need to first find out the reason for this behavior and help resolve the problem.

Having learned the reason why a child fights with mom, dad, sister, you also need to know the right way out of the situation.

How to behave if the child started to fight?

The first thing that comes to mind for parents is to be whipped and put in a corner (some fathers and mothers believe that “veal tenderness” only spoils the child), conversations are pushed aside. How to properly respond to a child's fight? Psychologists advise the following:

1. Do not be touched when the baby hit someone close to you. And if the child struck a blow, then you do not need to scold him. It is better to try to make it clear how mom / grandmother hurts. If the child does not understand this, then you can ignore him for a while so that he understands that no one is friends with such children and does not communicate.
2. It is considered a good option to simply hug the baby in response to the blow and not let go of him until he calms down. Only then can you start a conversation and understand the reason for this behavior.
3. If a child fights, because he simply has nowhere to put his energy, then you can give him to the section. Let all the energy go into a peaceful direction.
4. Give your baby more attention if possible. You can talk about this behavior in advance and tell how you can resolve conflict situations.
5. Try not to watch films containing negativity and anger in front of children. Control what games your baby likes to play.
6. If a child is overwhelmed with anger for injustice (for example, he got a deuce at school, and he does not agree with this), then let him tear the paper, throw out his anger on the pillow, and so on.
7. Support and praise the child if he found a way out of the situation and avoided a fight.
8. Teach reallyfind solutions in controversial situations without a fight. And control your emotions.
9. Do not allow fights and quarrels in the family. If something has accumulated, relationships can be found out while the child is out for a walk, in kindergarten, school.
10. If it turns out that the baby is in a bad company, you need to try to get him out of it. You can explain your point of view to the child, tell why you do not like his friends. Take his free time with clubs or other developmental activities.

Conclusion

It turns out that in the fights of children it often happens that the parents themselves are to blame. Just at the right time the child was not given due attention. The main thing when raising a baby is to adhere to the rules of behavior and be prepared for the fact that the baby will not learn the lesson the first time. You should ask grandparents not to spoil the baby.

If a child fights, first you need to find out why the fight happened, have a conversation with the child, eliminate all provoking factors in the family. And most importantly - pay attention to the child and his upbringing.