Wife-"saw": the psychology of family relationships, reasons, effective tips for improving relationships

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Family life is not only full of joys and difficulties, but also unexpected "surprises" in the behavior and attitude of partners. Often, the reproaches of the second half are quite justified, and then they hurt quite strongly, because the man himself realizes that he is not quite right in something.

However, situations are not so rare when a woman turns into a real "saw" without having objective, conscious reasons for it. Of course, if a wife constantly "nags" her husband, he has no choice but to try to protect his own psyche.

What does sawing mean?

Before starting the fight against such a phenomenon as the "washed down" of the male brain, it would be nice to understand what it is and why it appears. First you need to figure out what it is - a “saw” wife.

How does a man affect other people and the world around him in general? By force. Both mentally and physically. Some representatives of this half of humanity do not disdain to influence the weaker women and children in this way. This feature of influencing others in order to achievefrom them something is laid genetically. Once upon a time, a man got food, protected his home and seized various material values from his neighbors with the help of physical force.

A woman is deprived of such an opportunity initially. Even the physically strongest woman is still weaker than a man. Accordingly, nature has laid other qualities in the fair sex, with the help of which women influence their loved ones and not only. That is, they affect on an emotional level and directly on the mind of men. As in cases where men use violence against the weaker ones, including members of their own families, in situations where the wife constantly “nags” her husband, we are talking about the abuse of natural features.

To put it simply, a man hits, a woman cuts. These are absolutely similar phenomena, each of which is a reason for contacting a family psychologist.

Why do women do it? Objective reasons

In order to understand why a charming creature, ready to follow her beloved and dear to the ends of the world over hot coals, suddenly turns into an object from a horror movie and brings her husband to nervous exhaustion, you need to figure out if a woman has objective reasons for such unpleasant behavior.

Men, however, like women, often do not see their own shortcomings. Probably the most common example is that a woman picks up a child from kindergarten after work, goes into a store with him, and stands at the stove. What is the man doing? AfterAt work, he skips a couple of beers at a bar with friends, goes to the store for a “one and a half to go”, falls on the sofa or sits down at the computer, periodically asking when dinner is. Of course, everyday events can develop differently.

The bottom line is that a woman has a completely objective reason to "nail" the precious one. Of course, she cannot do this in the literal sense. And what does the woman do? Begins to "eat the brain".

Tips for men to improve relationships quickly

Paradoxical as it may seem, but often enough for a “drinking” wife to once again become an angel with whom a man once fell in love, you just need to get off the couch or get distracted from the computer, fix a leaky faucet, play with child, buy a bouquet of flowers, or at least come home after work.

That is, you need to start the struggle for your own comfortable existence in the house and a he althy microclimate in the family with an adequate assessment of yourself. You should also rummage through the memory. Perhaps the wife tried more than once in a polite tone to convey something to the consciousness of the man, but these attempts at communication did not produce any results? Men often say about someone that a person does not understand anything until you give it to the forehead. So “sawing” is a female way of “hitting the forehead.”

Why do women "nag" if there are no objective reasons?

If the wife "saws" the brain, having no reason to do so, then this is a serious reason to seek professional help. But sincevisiting the offices of psychotherapists - both those working in the family direction, with married couples, and others - is not accepted in our country, you can try to figure out the origins of what is happening on your own.

Often, women completely unconsciously copy the behavior of their own mothers or grandmothers, which they observed in childhood. Often a woman herself does not understand that she is doing something wrong, and thus gives her chosen one psychological discomfort. If she grew up in an atmosphere of daily sawing by her mother of her father, grandmother - grandfather, father and, possibly, her own daughter, then this model of behavior is natural for a woman. At the same time, there really are no objective reasons due to which such a wife “nags” her husband, and she doesn’t need them.

It is quite possible that a woman is a so-called energy vampire and provokes scandals. Some of the fair sex are not able to feel comfortable without experiencing strong emotions. As a rule, these are temperamental and bright ladies who attract attention wherever they are. If such a woman lacks emotional intensity, violent passions, or at least simple attention from her husband, instead of a “queen”, a “saw” wife instantly appears. This switch in behavior occurs unconsciously. Human nature is designed in such a way that people intuitively find the fastest and easiest ways to get what they want. In this case, a woman needs strong emotions, and they are positivebe negative, it doesn't matter. Negative emotions are much easier to evoke, and they are always experienced much brighter.

Of course, there are other reasons that explain the behavior of women and have nothing to do with objective reality. But only a professional psychotherapist can identify them.

Because of what else do wives "saw"? Social Causes

Quite often from men who are dissatisfied with the behavior and attitude of their spouses, you can hear the following phrase: "The wife saws that I earn little." The motivation of a woman in this case is not at all as unambiguous and simple as a man understands it.

The easiest way to understand those women who are tormented by envy. This phenomenon is akin to how men envy the turbulent and varied sexual life in marriage, which their friends talk about over a glass or two in bars. And it will occur to a very rare man to ask a boasting friend the question of why he then does not run headlong to his loving wife, but cools off in the company of friends. Women, in the same way, “hanging their ears and dropping their jaws,” listen to their friends and envy them. Coming home after such bachelorette parties, the lady begins to “nag” her husband with the goal that he be no worse than the husbands of her friends.

It is also easy to understand a woman's envy of the material goods of others that she sees. For example, neighbors bought a new car, and at work someone got a fashionable long fur coat. And she also wants, but there is not enough money. This dissonance in the psyche, caused by the impossibilityhaving what others have leads to sawing.

Do wives "saw" out of good intentions?

It is much harder to understand wives who saw their husbands consciously and with only "good" intentions. The wife-"saw" in this case acts, albeit by intuitive methods, but very thoughtfully. She does this because of the absolute certainty that her husband needs a constant stimulus.

Moreover, for such a saw-muse, it is absolutely not important what exactly to stimulate. This type of woman believes that a person always needs to be pushed, otherwise he will not achieve anything. As a rule, these ladies are very ambitious and status is extremely important for them. By sawing, they usually achieve promotion of the spouse on the career ladder.

What to do?

Not only for the spiritual comfort of a spouse, but also for the formation of personal qualities of children, a situation is dangerous when a wife "nags" her husband. What to do in this case? How to return a warm spiritual atmosphere to your own home? Unfortunately, few men think about these questions. Most of them simply find an outlet outside the home walls. Moreover, this is not necessarily an intimate relationship, much more often men washed down by their wives simply spend the maximum of their time with friends or completely devote themselves to hobbies, work, or any other activity that can become a reason not to come home.

This is an understandable behavior and the easiest way to keep your own peace of mind. However, it does not solve the problem, but only exacerbates it.

Therefore, if you want to change the behavior of your spouse, you should not do this, otherwise the eternal wife-saw will be next to you in life. What needs to be done? It is necessary to determine the type of sawing, understand what caused it, and act on this basis.

Actions when "sawing" for objective reasons

The objective reasons for the behavior of a spouse are more difficult for a man to determine than to get rid of them. Therefore, you should not guess what exactly of the male imperfections brought the wife to the state of the saw, you just need to talk to her.

Don't be afraid of scandal. Women who are concerned about specific actions or their absence, as a rule, clearly voice what they want from their husbands in a confidential conversation. Of course, having heard why the wife “nags” all the time, you need to immediately resolve this problem. With this approach, the next time the spouse will not endure the brain, but will make several attempts at a confidential conversation.

Actions in case of unconscious "sawing"

If a wife nags her husband just because she is not familiar with a different model of behavior in the family, you may need professional help from a psychologist. Of course, this is not always possible. You can try to cope with the problem yourself, but it will take a lot of patience, tact and some cunning.

To begin with, you should look at the wife's mother, how a woman behaves. If the wife copies exactly her mother, then it is worth looking for those moments that annoy the spouse in the parent. For this it is enoughoften visit the wife's parents and never get tired of praising the mother-in-law, setting her as an example to his wife. This should be done in private, in no case visiting the parents. Sooner or later, the wife will “explode” and dump a lot of information about her mother on the man. At this moment, you need to show maximum attention and remember what your wife does not like in your mother-in-law.

After the next visit to the parents, you need to sagely tell your wife that she was right. In one thing, you do not need to use all the trump cards at once. A woman will definitely respond to this message. The theme should be developed and casually noticed that the mother-in-law saws the wife's father. At the same time, it is imperative to say: “How lucky that you didn’t “drank”. It does not matter that this is not so, we must not forget that a woman is not aware of the fallacy of her behavior. After several such conversations, the wife will definitely think about whether she is really so different from her mother. And upon reflection, he will realize that he behaves in exactly the same way. Realizing this, most women make incredible efforts to change their type of behavior.

In psychology, this technique is called manipulation. Its essence is that a person is led to the desired action, and he feels confident that he does everything on his own and according to his personal desire.

Sawing actions due to lack of emotion

Another reason why a wife "nags" her husband is banal boredom and lack of passion in a relationship. If this is true for your family, it will not be difficult to solve the problem. You should just give your wife what she wants to receive, that is, attention, passion,ardor, romance and so on.

Often you don't have to perform "feats". As a rule, an affectionate look, a kiss in the morning, a bouquet of flowers in the evening and invitations to dates are enough. Even such a banality as a date on the street, somewhere in the park, works wonders. After all, people who usually live under the same roof do not go on dates, the same as at the beginning of their relationship. Accordingly, such a pastime will stir up a lot of memories and revive fading feelings. That is, something will happen for which the woman sawed the man.

If the reason is envy of girlfriends

The most common mistake of husbands is trying to bring their girlfriends to clean water. An envious woman in such attempts sees only the man's excuses for his failure and "boils" even more.

The simplest thing is to wait out the crisis. As soon as the wife's attention switches to something else, she will forget that her friends' husbands are perfect, and she herself has nothing to boast of. Another option is to do something that the wife can brag about. For example, find out where her friends with “ideal” husbands go most often, and order a billboard with a photo of her wife and a declaration of love in this place. There will be no limit to the happiness of a woman.

The only thing not worth doing is trying to start making more money. If a spouse “eats” the brain, talking about the fact that the husbands of her friends endlessly buy fur coats, Mercedes, trips to the Canary Islands, and so on, then the woman needs not an additional few thousand rubles, but the opportunity to proudly sayhead raised: "But here's mine…"

Actions when "sawing" because of envy of the material values of others

Don't try to tell a woman not to look at what neighbors or acquaintances have. This will only upset her and will not solve the behavior problem at all, rather exacerbate it.

Moreover, you should not try to acquire everything that your spouse craves. You need to give her an alternative. That is, if the wife saws because the neighbor has a fur coat, but she does not, then you should buy a thing that the woman living behind the wall does not have. Determining this is simple - you need to ask your spouse and offer her to buy something from the above.

How to resist good-natured sawing?

It's hard to resist the saw-muse. Such a woman is absolutely convinced that she is right. She knows exactly what she wants and does everything to achieve it.

As a rule, conversations about how her behavior causes mental discomfort are inconclusive. The only effective way to fight is practice. A woman "nags" - a man lies down on the sofa, sits down at the computer, takes sick leave during a crucial period and sabotages his own career in every possible way. A woman praises and smiles - a man immediately plunges into work and achieves real success in the shortest possible time.

A man's position must be tough. All actions must be performed sequentially, stopping the slightest attempts at sawing with your behavior. You should not allow concessions, because the saw-muse has the mentality of a crocodile. Howonly a man will show softness, he will again face the endless "eating" of his own brain.