Children are welcome members of the family, and in most cases they bring only joy to their parents. But sometimes there are situations in which adults need to explain to the child that he is wrong. On the other hand, children can perform an act that parents will be proud of. How should the punishment and encouragement of children in the family be carried out so that it looks as logical and correct as possible, without causing inconvenience and without adding sad moments to either the younger or the older? Let's try to figure it out.
On the ways of education
Encouragement and punishment of children are two sides of the coin, which is called education. And in order for this medal to become gold after all, one should understand exactly what the basic rules for rewards and punishments are.
There are a few differencesmethods of raising a child in a family from pedagogical measures. It is necessary to take into account how great the individual influence of mothers and fathers on children is. Parents should be imbued with the purpose of education, correctly represent it in order to form a fully developed personality.
The most important thing for any kid will always be a kind family atmosphere. Whatever happens, adults should throw out their negative emotions in front of the kids as little as possible. If the baby does not immediately do what the elders tell him, do not immediately start screaming and using force.
The priorities of reward and punishment in raising children will play a fairly important role in choosing a method. Parents, eager to educate independence in their child, use the same methods of education. Those who want to develop obedience in a child use others.
Such methods of raising a child in a family include encouragement, persuasion and punishment.
Encouragement means the following: give a gift, praise for a good deed or a correctly performed action, and the like.
Persuasion will be built on the right advice, the personal example of elders, explaining what is good and what is bad, suggestion.
Punishment as a third method refers to the deprivation of pleasure, the use of force and similar actions.
Even if parents are convinced that they have chosen the right way, difficulties cannot be avoided.Spiritless parents are unable to show their children the right example. Parents who use an authoritarian method of education, or those who never punish a child, cannot bring up the right person. The use of physical force and pressure on the child's psyche do not lead to a positive result. When choosing which methods of reward and punishment to apply in raising children, one must seriously consider this point, because after many years it will certainly affect the personality of a grown child.
Educate by Persuading: Using Dialogue
With the help of persuasion, you can make a strong impact on the mind of the child. It is thanks to this method, through the knowledge of life facts, that the younger generation will form the correct views. Such ideas will be fixed in the mind of the child. When he begins to learn something new, he will expand his worldview.
Mom can form certain views by using dialogue. This form of persuasion is filled with useful information passed from adult to child. With the help of dialogue, it is possible not only to communicate, but also to educate children in the right context.
Dispute as persuasion
Dispute is one of the variants of persuasion. The child and parents will always be able to enter into an argument on a topic that worries them. When there is a clash of different opinions, new knowledge is acquired and the vision of the world is updated. Thanks to the dispute, even educational tasks are solved. Such a belief must be carried out in a playful way. This should by no meansbe like a normal domestic quarrel. When raising a child, it is unacceptable to be guided only by the method of persuasion. It is best used in tandem with training. Persuasion will be most effective when the child is confident in the erudition of mom and dad.
Methods of rewarding and punishing children are interrelated. If they are encouraged, good qualities and a positive assessment of the behavior of the children are recognized. If punished, bad deeds are condemned and a negative assessment is expressed. These two ways of education need to exist together. Pedagogy has long proved their necessity, because they are able not only to temper character, but also to instill responsibility and dignity.
But at the same time, the punishment and encouragement of children in the family should not be abused. It is necessary to praise the child, since every kind word will give him faith in himself and his strength. But do not praise for what has already been achieved more than once or given by nature. Punishment as a method of education is also very important. But it is unacceptable to use physical force or put pressure on the child morally. Even if the kid has committed several unseemly misconduct, it will be right to punish him only once.
In the upbringing of a child, approval should be the leading educational measure, and condemnation should be only an auxiliary one. Thanks to this, you can focus on its best qualities, and over time try to improve them. It is necessary that the child himself be able to evaluate his own behavior.
If, nevertheless, parents experience some difficulties in raising a child, do notknow what to do in a given situation, they can seek help from a psychologist. His advice will help them. Encouragement and punishment of a child in the family are two pillars on which the upbringing of a new personality is based.
When not to punish
- children are tired or sick, - their temperament irritates their parents (a choleric person can cause dissatisfaction with persistence, harshness, stubbornness, but punishing him for this is tantamount to punishing a red-haired one for hair color); a phlegmatic child cannot be punished for being slow, and a sanguine child for being restless;
- the baby is nervous, he should not be punished for excitability or tearfulness, and if loud, then for his loud voice; and in general - it is unacceptable to punish kids for noise;
- do not use punishments that cause damage to he alth, for example, deprivation of a walk or visit to the sports section;
- you can’t reprimand when the child is eating, because he perceives a reprimand at the table as a reproach to a plate of porridge or a piece of bread;
- it is forbidden to apply punishment by mental work or labor.
In any situation, even if it seems to the parent very difficult and wrong, you must respect the personality in your child. Even when adults are punishing for some perfect misconduct, restraint and tact should be exercised. The child, without even suspecting it, by his actions, his own attitude to punishments and rewards, paves the way for the formationcharacter.
The system of encouragement and punishment of children in the family should always work. It is desirable that there are no exceptions either in the first or in the second case. And in order to do everything as correctly as possible, parents must understand what rules exist for punishing and encouraging children. It is thanks to their rational use and timely dosed effects on the child that his life will be built in the future.
In terms of its effects, praise is like a drug - a child, accustomed to praise, will need it all the time. There should not be an "overdose".
When a child does not need to be praised:
- out of pity;
- for what the child has not achieved with his work (mind, he alth, beauty, strength…);
- wanting to please;
- two or more times in a short period of time.
How to encourage?
Rewards and punishments in the upbringing of children should be strictly regulated. You can’t go too far, because the result may not be what parents expect.
Encouraging actions can be called the great art of parenting. Moreover, it can become not only “useful”, but also “harmful” for a child and adults. There are simple rules for learning this art, thanks to which many mistakes will not be made.
Be sure to direct praise not to the personality of the child, but to the act he has committed. For example, if you constantly tell your daughter: “You are so wonderful!”, The child will eventually become anxious that he is not as perfect as he is.they say. The situation in the future can develop in two directions:
- without waiting for the so-called exposure, the child will deliberately try to prove by bad behavior that he (or she) is not ideal;
- the child ceases to be sincere, begins to adapt to praise, will try to get into only those situations in which he can show off his most advantageous side.
Encouragement cannot be promised ahead of time by mom or dad. It should logically follow a good deed on the part of the child. The kid must be taught to enjoy his work and enjoy it, and not expect a reward.
Finance, sweets, undeserved praise…
You can not express parental approval only in the equivalent of finance. It is not necessary to encourage the child with money if he helped around the house or did his homework correctly. Children are successful in doing what they sincerely choose, but if they understand that payment will await them behind the action, creativity will end and normal money-making will begin.
It is unacceptable to encourage chocolate, cake, sweets and other sweets! You can't create a cult out of food. For parents, buying cookies is easier than doing with a child, but it will not be better for him.
Don't praise a child for ordinary, natural things. If he dressed himself, washed the dishes after himself, or fed a pet, there is no need to express delight. The child must understand that by nature he is capable of many actions, and he needs special efforts for this.not worth applying. Therefore, praise in this case will simply be inappropriate.
If there are several children in the family, mom and dad should make sure that other children do not feel envy or resentment when one of them is praised and encouraged.
Don't undeservedly praise a child in order to win him over, because his behavior can be absolutely unbearable as a result. And all because children, sensing insincerity, are eager to show their true nature, refuting praise with their behavior.
A child will definitely appreciate praise if it is sincere. Next time he will be happy to please his parents.
It is necessary to teach a child to be grateful even for the minimal sign of attention that is shown to him, not paying attention to the amount of money that was spent on him. You can not analyze the value of gifts with him, because this will lead to serious problems that relate to issues of morality.
Punishment - rarely, but for the cause
Speaking about how the punishment and encouragement of children in the family should be properly carried out, you need to pay attention to this. Many parents are convinced that in order to stop a child's inappropriate behavior, immediate punishments, rather than preventive measures, will be the best impact. It should be understood that the less often any of the methods of punishment is used, the better it will work. Otherwise, the kids will learn to lie, dodge, will feel aggression and fear. Punishment will have an impact if it is used infrequently enough and corresponds to the crime committed.misdemeanor.
About the rules of punishment
The rules of punishment include the following:
- it should never be harmful to he alth;
- it does not happen that a child does not upset his parents, that's why he is a child; no need to remake him and allow him to be in constant fear;
- before punishing, parents should think about what and why they do it;
- it is unacceptable to reprimand after a long time;
- if parents have even the slightest doubt about whether to punish or not, you should not do it;
- no punishment should be paired with humiliation and resemble the triumph of the strength of adults over children's weakness;
- at a time it is permissible to reprimand only one offense; mixing everything together is not for children's understanding;
- if the child has already been punished and then forgiven, there should be no reminders of this afterwards.
And the most important thing that all parents should remember: you can not punish a child with deprivation of love!
These are the measures to encourage and punish a child in every family. And if all the rules are followed, he will become a friend to his parents.
Punishing and rewarding preschool children is not as difficult a process as it might seem at first glance. For their beloved child, parents choose a particular method. And yet it is very important to remember that the most correct upbringing of each child is carried outonly with the application of the whole complex of influences on it.
You cannot always only punish or only encourage, convince of something or act on the basis of a personal example. Education, which incorporates both punishment and encouragement of children in the family, should use all methods, but they should be applied based on the situation.