I want a family and children. Single life - pros and cons. Preparing for family life

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

"I want a family" - this desire sooner or later arises in the minds of almost all people. But is married life really that good, or is it better to stay single? If you still create a family, then how to prepare for this serious step? The publication will answer these questions.

Single or married life?

For some, the bachelor life is real bliss and freedom, for others it is only melancholy and fetters. Some people dream of finding peace and family comfort as soon as possible, while someone, on the contrary, strives not to tie themselves in marriage for a longer time. In most cases, the bachelor life attracts men, both young and mature. They can sincerely enjoy a free life until they feel the need to have a family.

Women, by their nature, tend to create comfort and home. They perceive the absence of a family in a negative way, especially if it has been absent for a long time. Therefore, it is quite normal if thoughts like “Will I get married” arise in a girl’s head. A rare woman will be sincerely glad of a bachelor life. Usually these include those who already have experiencemarriage, and not the most successful. Therefore, they do not want to live together with the opposite sex or try to postpone this moment as long as possible.

That is, everyone chooses for himself how to live: free or married. Single life has its pros and cons. They will be discussed further.

Pros of single life

The basis of bachelor life is freedom in all its forms and manifestations. Non-family people very fiercely protect her from encroachments of the opposite sex. The ability to do whatever you want in a single life is a major positive. The rest of the advantages only follow from the concept of freedom.

• This is a lot of free time, which you can use only at your discretion.
• The ability to manage finances as you wish.
• Free choice of friends, which does not depend on the likes of the chosen one.
• Gastronomic addictions are not controlled by anyone.
• Diverse sex life due to the constant change of sexual partners.
• You can furnish your home as you like, relying only on your vision of the interior.
• You choose how and when to clean.
• No need to adapt to someone, try to negotiate and seek compromises.
• A bachelor has low responsibility: you feed, provide for and answer only for your loved one.
• More opportunities to build a successful career that will bring high prosperity.
• Less stress. No matter how good the relationship, familylife is a constant test of nerves for strength. But no one bothers Bobyl to rest, sleep and does not drip on the brain.

The positives are quite impressive. It is understandable why bachelors say: "I don't want a family." But there is a significant nuance here. All the delights of a carefree life can be fully experienced only from the age of 25-28. As a rule, by this age, both women and men live separately from their parents, become financially independent and sufficiently prepared to independently resolve domestic issues.

Cons of single life

Usually, awareness of the negative aspects of a single life comes in those moments when a person is oversaturated with personal freedom. Then he begins to understand: "I want a family and children." Especially since single life has its downsides.

• Lack of psychological and physical support. A bachelor can rely in everything only on his own strength. This negative moment is especially acute when help is required for he alth reasons.
• Independent housekeeping. This is the performance of traditionally female and male duties. Cleaning the apartment, cooking, carrying heavy and bulky items, repairing plumbing, electrics, and so on.
• Intermittent sexual relations. Free people regularly have to look for a new partner, which can have a bad effect on libido. If the connections are random and unprotected, then there is a high probability of he alth problems.
• Low social activity. Most bachelors aspire to nothing. The exception is self-care. It doesn't compare to how a married man or a married woman behaves. They help their extended family, start a garden or a dacha, go with their children to various interesting places where they communicate with new people. It makes you purposeful and very developing.

Of course, one cannot categorically state that family life is a panacea for everyone, and bachelor life is selfish and immoral. A person should listen only to his feelings and act in accordance with them. It is silly to start a family just for the reason that it is due to age or all the acquaintances have already married. The decision to end the bachelor life must be conscious and sincere. Only in this case will it be comfortable in marriage.

Why can't start a family?

What problems can you face? It happens that a person comes to the conclusion: “I want to get married / get married”, but for some reason cannot achieve this goal. Why is this happening? This can be explained by the following facts.

The biggest reason is to create the perfect image of a partner. Moreover, a person may not even realize that he is not true. Everyone wants to be paired with smart, beautiful, rich, caring and so on. This is an abstract person with a certain set of traits and qualities that simply may not exist in reality. You need to come down from heaven and not wait for a prince or princess.

The second most popular reason islack of motivation and true desire. Yes, a person can say: “I want a family”, but in reality it is not so. He is simply based on the norms of society and what he sees around a lot of married couples. Therefore, it would seem that he also wants to become like that, although in fact there is no real desire. This situation often happens to women. Seeing how acquaintances create families, they begin to complain: “Will I get married someday?”

A bachelor's past can slow him down. For example, there was already love in his life, but it ended in parting, although the feelings remained. Since then, other applicants have not been recognized at all and are not considered for the role of a life partner.

Very often, some unfinished business or career interferes with starting a family. There is so much to do in life! Earn enough money, buy a car, an apartment, have time to travel. And this, of course, requires money and free time. Once these goals are achieved, it will be possible to start a family and children. This is how many people think and risk not being on time.

Some people have complexes, self-doubt, weakness and vulnerability to create a serious relationship. These subconscious qualities are programmed for an unsuccessful life in which there is no family happiness. In accordance with this, a person builds his behavior.

Sooner or later you start to think about how to start a family and what you need to do to get there. This will be discussed further.

Ask yourself questions

First of all, you should ask yourself why you still have not been able to start a family. Needbe completely honest with yourself and answer the question honestly. For clarity, the reasons can be written out on a piece of paper. For example, it can be fears, complexes or problems in the search.

It is also worth considering why you want to start a family. That is, you need to understand what exactly you expect from a relationship in marriage. All options that come to mind can be written down on a piece of paper. Answers in the style of “because relatives are pressing” or “it’s time for age” are an indicator of unpreparedness for a serious relationship. It's just a desire to conform to public opinion. If the intentions are sincere, then you need to try to eliminate the reasons why you can’t start a family. What's next?

Love yourself

Some people say: "I want to get married", but they don't like themselves. Who will love a man who does not love himself? If there are any complexes that interfere with starting a family, then you need to work with them. If there are problems in communicating with the opposite sex, then you need to visit psychological trainings. The figure can be adjusted with the help of sports and diets. Lack of repair or cooking skills will help correct the corresponding courses. That is, any problem can be solved.

Some are embarrassed by their appearance, although often this complex is far-fetched. But even if there are some problems with this, then it is worth taking a closer look at happy married couples. Not all of them have perfect looks. So that's not the point. A family is created with that person whose qualitieslive up to their own expectations and values.

Rethink the value system

Of course, one desire "I want a good family" will not be enough. It's just emotions. You need to be ready to get married. And this is the maturity of the individual. To create a family, you must have a certain system of values. If it is different, then it will have to be revised in order for the relationship to be successful. What to look for before starting a family?

• Be able to express your feelings. This can be done not only with words, but with touches and glances. It is also important to confirm your love in deeds, and not just talk about it. The partner must feel that he is loved and important for his chosen one.
• The ability to emotionally empathize with a partner. In marriage, it is important to be an empathic person. After all, who, if not a spouse, will provide support. It is necessary not only to listen about problems, but also to listen to them.
• Respect the opinion of the other person. In general, spouses are equal in rights. Everyone has their own desires and responsibilities. This must be taken into account when planning family life. A woman is not required to be a housekeeper, and a man is not required to be a “purse”. All roles are assigned by mutual agreement. Household issues should be discussed in advance and a decision should be made jointly.
• Be responsible. Starting a family is at least taking care of one more person. Therefore, you need to learn to be responsible not only for yourself, but also for him. You will also have to treat money differently. It will be necessary to plan the family budget, keepaccounting for earnings and expenses, to deny yourself something in order to have enough funds for more important things. It is very important that both spouses share the responsibility for two, and not just someone pulling the strap.

Determine the criteria for the chosen one

It is important to understand what kind of person you want to see next to you for the rest of your days. To do this, you can make a list of preferred qualities. Appearance doesn't matter. It is necessary to indicate age, character traits, interests, skills and other features. Something without which it is impossible to build a lasting relationship.

No need to hope that there is a person who fully meets all the criteria. It is better to rank the list and, when choosing, rely only on the most significant qualities. For example, for someone it is very important that the partner loves children, and someone appreciates the similarity of hobbies. Everyone has their own preferences. Of course, the second half must also want to live in marriage. Otherwise, the statement “I want a family, get married (marry)” will simply be meaningless.

Search for a chosen one

You can't dream of starting a family and not leaving home anywhere. Spouse (s) will not fall from the ceiling. If there are only loners in the social circle, then you will have to make new acquaintances. You can visit restaurants, interest clubs, sports sections, theaters, city events and so on. But you don’t need to “go hunting” and each time hope that you will meet the same one. It is important to keep a sober mind and just enjoy life. For some, special dating sites will be the way out. They arecan significantly reduce the search time for the chosen one. But this method has its drawbacks. On the Internet, people often embellish their virtues and behave differently than in real life.

Don't rush things

When the search is completed, there is no need to rush and immediately stun the chosen one: “I want a family, let's go to the registry office as soon as possible!” This will only scare away, even if the person is not against marriage. Let the relationship develop gradually. Moreover, during this time you can get to know all the advantages and disadvantages of a potential spouse. You can think about a wedding only with full confidence that there is love, respect and compatibility. These are the basics of family life, without which you can't.

Discuss family life

When the proposal is made, it is important to discuss with the partner all the nuances that are associated with living together. In the future, this will help to avoid misunderstandings and major quarrels. It is worth deciding who will perform what duties, how finances will be distributed, how to raise children, what family traditions must be observed, and so on. You can discuss everything to the smallest detail, what comes to mind.

Preparing for family life is not at all a wedding celebration, outfits, a restaurant and a beautiful photo shoot. You need to learn to get along together, be responsible for others and respect your partner. Only in this case can you get a strong and happy family.