Phrases not to say to children and how to replace them

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

Raising children is one of the most difficult tasks for any parent. Everyone wants their child to grow up smart, successful and he althy. When communicating with a child, however, 99% of adults use phrases that have a bad effect on the formation of his personality and personality. What phrases should not be spoken to a child and why?

If you do this again, I'll punish you

Many say this phrase to scare a child, but in the end they do not do what they promised. As a rule, at the last moment it becomes a pity for the baby. The child quickly realizes that the threat does not make sense, and stops responding to such words at all. After all, children need to know that parents keep their word. Therefore, the alternative: they said - they did it.

Once the child is punished, he will try not to repeat his mistakes, because he will know that he will have to pay for the misconduct. When a child misbehaves again, parents should say, "We warned you of the consequences, we must keep our promise."

Stop immediately, I'll tell someone about this-then

Children's personality is just being formed, it tries to show independence and listens to commands, because a threatening tone is unpleasant even for adults. This is one of the 10 phrases that you can not say to a child: why instill fear of public opinion in him? This will not make him an independent and independent person. Fear will be instilled in him and so, this will especially manifest itself in adolescence. Alternative: it is worth being polite with your child, it is better to speak with respect on an equal footing with him. He needs to develop a sense of confidence and respect for himself. When the child is upset, crying, it is better for the parent to say something like: "I know that you are sad now, we will talk about it as soon as you come to your senses."

How much can I tell you! You really don't understand?

As a rule, parents say this phrase, which cannot be said to children, when the child takes someone else's, behaves in a way that is not accepted in public places. In this case, the following alternative is suitable: it is necessary to distract the child so that he pays attention to something very interesting and, much later, begin to discuss the issue. And say like this: "Let's play like this." Always works.

Let me do it myself, you won't succeed

Understanding what phrases should not be spoken to a child, it is worth considering that such expressions undermine self-confidence. By saying these words with the best of intentions, parents contribute to the education of an unstable personality:a person will be programmed in advance that everything will fail him. Such a child is likely to grow up insecure, closed in communication and distrustful of others. And the worst thing is that such children are doomed to failure. If the child is going to do something himself, no need to disturb him. Alternative: It's better to just say "Try it yourself, and if you need help, get in touch."

You can't do this, you're a girl (boy)

When understanding what phrases should not be spoken to a child, it is worth excluding any hint of sexism from the lexicon. Because of this phrase, a distorted attitude towards the opposite sex is created, sexism appears. Stereotypes are stored in the subconscious from early childhood. Subsequently, for example, a person will not choose a profession to which he is predisposed, he will go against his desires. This can create problems in communicating with the opposite sex.

Thus, in the process of education, first of all, parental support is needed. In the end, the one who is engaged in his favorite activity is successful. Another example: when it comes to personal hygiene, almost all mothers tell their daughters that they should be clean and tidy just because they are female. And who said boys shouldn't behave the same way? So this is the 5th phrase that should not be said to a child.

Alternative: "If you like it, I will support you" or "You should wash." There is only one rule here: the words "girl" and "boy" must be replaced by the word"children". There is no need to emphasize the difference between the sexes.

Take whatever you want, just stop crying

This is the 6th phrase you shouldn't say to a child. It is clear that children's tears and tantrums are not a sight for the faint of heart. But you can handle it. When a child is left alone and rewarded for such behavior, sooner or later he will begin to use this method to achieve what he wants. The child becomes a manipulator, and the parents then have to pay for their momentary weakness from the past.

Alternative: switch the child's attention to another interesting object and tell him: "I understand that you really want this, but you know that you can't." If this phrase does not help, you need to leave the child so that the parents can calm down. In the end, it becomes boring to hysteria alone.

It's a trifle

The 7th phrase that you can’t say to a child is the devaluation of his experiences. Parents should always remember that kids are overly emotional, they perceive what is happening differently, much closer to their hearts. And what is so important to him should also be perceived by his parents. This is how relationships full of trust are built in the family. And in the future, it will be easy for the child to find a common language with other people, he will not be afraid of dating, he will be able to open up, take risks and achieve his goals.

At critical moments, parents should support the child andtell him: "As I understand you, you are upset, I would be just as upset."

Well, if you're like that, I don't love you

When such expressions are pronounced, the baby gets the feeling that love is corrupt. He thinks that he is loved as long as he follows some rules. Every baby needs unconditional affection and warmth, which cannot be earned by achievements or behavior. They are there by default.

Parents should explain this, talk about the rules of conduct that will eliminate errors. Children who are confident in absolute self-love exchange with their parents, revealing their deepest feelings to them. It also increases the child's self-confidence. To make it exactly like that, it is worth using an alternative to the phrase that you should not say to children: "You behaved badly, but still I love you very much."

All kids are normal, but mine is…

When wondering how to replace phrases that should not be said to children, it should be borne in mind that some of them are completely traumatic for the psyche. Comparing a child with other children is absolutely unacceptable - it causes deep pain. The kid remembers this for a long time, it makes him doubt the love of his parents. Alternative: Tell your child "I love you - good and bad".

Leave me alone

Any parent sometimes forgets about peace. But he longs to replenish energy, left alone with himself. It becomes a problem when parentstoo often say things like "Don't disturb" or "I don't have time for you" to children.

Children may view these suggestions as if it really doesn't even make sense to talk to their parents because they are constantly brushed off. Although this pattern is established in childhood, it is likely that the older a person gets, the less things they will want to tell their parents. Thinking about phrases that should not be said to children, and how to replace them, it is worth deleting such expressions from the lexicon, unless, of course, parents want to have close relationships with their descendants in the future.

Children should not get used to the fact that parents devote time only to them. If you need a rest, it is better to take care of hiring a babysitter, leave the child to a partner or friend, let the children sit in front of the TV for a while, and the parents will have time to relax.

In case the adults are really busy, you need to stop for a minute and calmly say: "Mom has to finish this thing now, so be patient for a few minutes. As soon as I finish this, we'll talk."

You're so…

This is a very common phrase that should not be said to children. Expressions similar to "Why are you like her?" or "You're so clumsy!" have a very negative effect on a young person. On faith, kids accept absolutely any statements. They don't doubt what they hear. So such negative labels can be prophetic and can come true. The child cannot even understand when an assessment of his character is unrealistic or,on the contrary, it is realistic. He just believes - that's all. Such expressions can hurt extremely deeply. Who among us does not remember with bitterness how our own parents said something in the style of "You are hopeless"? This imprint haunts a person, even if he is not fully aware of it.

Alternative: It would be much better not to comment on the child's personality with such adjectives. It's worth trying to say something like, "You told everyone not to play with her. You hurt her. What can we do to help her feel better?"

Don't be like this

Don't even try to say things like this: "Don't be so sad," "Don't be like a child," "But there's not even a reason to be afraid." Children express their anxiety by crying, especially babies who do not yet have the ability to express their own emotions verbally. They are sad. They feel fear. Of course, parents want to protect their child from negativity by repeating the words "don't be …", they expect the child to feel relieved. However, in reality, for him, this may signal that his emotions are not really important, that it is bad to feel sadness or fear. Subsequently, a person begins to suppress emotions in himself, ceases to feel them. And this leads to neurosis in adulthood.

Alternative: do not deny specific childhood feelings, but confirm their presence: "It's really a shame that Peter will no longer be your friend" or "Yes, the sea wave can seriouslyscare, but at first we can just stand together, and you will see how pleasant it will be for us to tickle our feet with water. And I promise I won't let go of your hand."

By accepting the real feelings that a child has, parents teach him to express himself, and at the same time they show him what it means to be empathetic. Eventually, the baby will cry less and describe more how it feels. And this is a feature of a psychologically he althy personality.

You can do it better

Such a comparison, even rather a mockery, hurts the child. Learning is a process full of trial and error. To adults, this phrase may not seem so scary, but the children from it only accept the main message: "You work in vain and never do anything right." Alternative: "I love it when you do it like this, thank you."

Hurry

Everyone has heard this phrase at least once in this world full of haste. It is especially tempting to pronounce it when the baby is fiddling for a long time, although he must do everything himself. For example, he cannot find shoes for a long time. In this case, it is necessary to take into account the tone of voice, as well as how often parents use this phrase. If the tone is caustic or the phrase sounds every day, you should be careful. The child may feel guilty, and the feeling of guilt will not stimulate him to act faster. It will only add to the problems in the end. An alternative is to explain in a calm tone that you need to be in time somewhere.

Given what phrases can not be said to a child and why, people can grow up more mentallyhe althy children.