"He doesn't understand me!" - every married woman said this phrase at least once in her life. What is it: simple words spoken on emotions, or a statement of fact? Then how to live with a husband if there is no mutual understanding? Or maybe it's not in a particular man, but in all? Perhaps, at the genetic level, they are not able to understand women and satisfy all their desires and needs? All this will be discussed in this article.
Short-lived happiness from marriage
In the first days and weeks of marital relations, as well as at the beginning of acquaintance and the birth of love, it seems that happiness has finally come. The newlyweds are in a great mood, they see family life as easy, cloudless and infinitely joyful. But very soon this euphoria ends, and it is replaced by gray everyday life, domestic troubles, as well as one of the most common reasons forquarrels: the problem of mutual understanding. The better a man and a woman get to know each other in marriage, the weaker their sexual desire becomes, because their dreams have come true, turning into real life, which means that sex has moved from violent passion into the category of ordinary performance of marital duties.
Marriage kills romance
Over time, the husband and wife cease to treat each other so reverently and tenderly, as before the wedding. Weasel, flirting disappear, compliments are spoken less and less, they are replaced by criticism and mutual claims. Egoism wakes up in each of the spouses, I want the partner to indulge and please in everything. Such desires give rise to omissions, resentment, disappointment.
If you want to maintain mutual understanding in the family for as long as possible, then you need to cherish love, try to bring at least a drop of romance into everyday life: a small surprise, flowers for no reason, walks in the park, a kiss at a meeting and goodbye. And it should not be friendly, on the cheek, but real, passionate. Such as if you were not married, as when you first met and had not yet had time to get enough of each other. Love will keep a marriage alive as long as there are greedy long kisses.
No understanding with husband
Saving a marriage and building family comfort is a difficult task, but doable if both spouses undertake it. Most often it happens that a wife beats on a closed door, trying for the good of her husband, and in return does not receive any gratitude. Men in marriage turn onconsumer attitude towards a woman who has to cook, wash, clean, give birth to children, take care of them herself, not interfere with watching TV, while still working, looking good, but not spending money on cosmetics and beauty salons. The husband, on the other hand, is sure that he does not owe anything and is quite capable of making his wife happy simply by his presence, at best, also by the salary brought. Tired of such a situation, periodically asking herself the question of how to live with her husband, if there is no mutual understanding, the woman does not find the right answer and decides on a divorce. But is the marriage doomed? After all, until recently, you lived in dreams about this person, looked forward to meeting, solemnly swore in the registry office in eternal love and care in grief and joy.
Psychologists suggest using some recommendations, thanks to which mutual understanding and trust can return to family relationships.
Tips for saving a marriage
- We need to try to understand male psychology, because it is fundamentally different from female. Men think and perceive the words of their lovers and in general everything that happens in a different way, which makes it seem to girls that they are not heard, they are not loved, they are not appreciated, they are not respected. The book "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" describes in detail such a problem as the lack of mutual understanding, as well as how to deal with it without destroying the marriage bond.
- Give your husband freedom, do not forbid him and limit control over him. It is of great importance for him to stay in thought, andalso doing what you love. If he wants to meet friends from time to time, go fishing or play chess, let him do it. Personal time will benefit both spouses. The wife will have the opportunity to meet friends, go shopping or play sports.
- Accept your husband as he is with all his shortcomings. Do not try to change it, since this idea is initially doomed to failure: it is almost impossible to force an adult to live differently, contrary to his preferences. Moreover, since you married him, it means that he is not so bad. Therefore, try to see only its positive qualities. And if you really don’t like some of his actions, then you should talk about it. There is no need to hush up problems, because sometimes the spouse may not even be aware of their existence.
- Do not accumulate resentment and anger in yourself. You need to talk about your problems, not swear, but discuss, conduct a constructive dialogue. Silence leads to the fact that one spouse runs out of patience, and the other did not even know all the time that the situation at home was not ideal.
- Mutual understanding in the family is impossible without communication of partners on all exciting and conflicting topics. Learn to listen to your interlocutor, not to interrupt. Do family chores together so you can spend more time with each other.
- Let work problems and stress remain beyond the threshold of the family nest. It is difficult for a husband to understand his wife if yesterday, when she came home from work, she hugged him, and todayshouted from the threshold, although in both cases he did the same thing. Women are characterized by emotional swings. On such days, the husband is an accidental "lightning rod". If he is aware that his wife has such an attack, then his correct behavior is to remain silent, not reacting with a cry to a cry.
Happy spouses - myth or reality?
As you know, any fairy tale can be brought to life. So, a happy married life is quite real. Such a couple will always have time and desire for unpretentious signs of attention, thanks to which you can feel warmth, attention and love. After all, it is not at all difficult to warn in advance that you are late from work, set aside a couple of minutes during the day, call and find out how you are doing. Having met in the evening in the kitchen, a loving husband and wife will definitely ask how each day went. These little things allow you to feel what they think of you, worry that you are an important part of your partner's life.
If there is no happiness
How to live with a husband if there is no mutual understanding in the family even after following all the above tips? With a probability of 90%, we can say that this article will be read by women, which means that only they will follow the recommendations. But you cannot achieve a positive result if both spouses do not work to maintain the relationship. Usually men do not think about such subtle matters as harmony and mutual understanding, it is more important for them to be full and watch TV. Such a marriage will last exactly as long as the femalepatience.
Reconcile or break up?
Society-imposed opinion influences a tired wife to make the right decision. Almost every advice says that a woman should be near her husband, endure and come to terms with her difficult lot. Many ladies believe that all men are bad, but living alone is even worse and therefore turn a blind eye to drunkenness, laziness, and betrayal. All this results in scandals, tantrums, hundreds and thousands of dead nerve cells. If there are children in the family, then they are unwitting witnesses to such dramas. Girls, seeing an unhappy mother, begin to hate their father from a young age, and then men. In children, an incorrect model of relations between a man and a woman is being built in their heads, because of which it will be difficult for them in the future to build their own cell of society. Therefore, sometimes to the question of how to live with a husband, if there is no mutual understanding, there is only one correct answer: no way!
Freedom or loneliness?
He who has a small copy of him is not alone. Do not forget that the family is primarily blood ties, which means that after parting with your husband, you have not lost your family if you have a child. If you have not found common goals and interests with your spouse that could cement the marriage, you always have a chance to build a harmonious relationship with your child. And if your baby is a boy, then you must definitely try to raise him so that your future daughter-in-law will say "thank you" to you.