What if my husband wants a baby and I don't?

2024 Author: Priscilla Miln | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 00:21

The birth of children is the main purpose of a woman. Moreover, in the fair sex, a pronounced maternal instinct is inherent in nature. But the life of a modern woman is somewhat more complicated than it was originally, so many ladies prefer not to rush to procreate, which can cause problems in the family. "What to do: the husband wants a child, but I don't?" - this question is asked by many of the fair sex. What to do in this case?

Why does the spouse insist?

If a husband persistently asks to have a child, a woman should think not only about her own interests, but also to understand the motives of her husband. Here are the most common reasons:

• Psychological aspect. For a man, the birth of a child is a sign of love, trust and devotion on the part of his wife. If she refuses, the husband can take it personally. This can cause the development of complexes.
• Instinct. A man has a natural needin procreation. It's kind of like self-affirmation. In addition, he may be afraid of gossip about inferiority due to the absence of children.
• Age. If a man is no longer young, it is logical that he is worried about whether he will be able to have children in the future. In addition, he wants to have time to see how the child grows up, he wants to have time to give him all the best. If a woman marries a man much older than herself, she must take this fact into account and respect the wishes of her husband.
• Example of friends. If all the men around your spouse have already had children, he will probably feel uncomfortable and also want to become a father.
• He loves you very much. The desire to have a child from a beloved woman is very natural. It is a symbol of boundless affection and trust. Do not neglect this attitude.
• Family traditions. Perhaps your spouse's family had many brothers and sisters, and therefore he cannot imagine his life without children.

Uncertainty in a man

More often women have a problem: "Husband wants a baby, but I don't." Despite the fact that at first glance the situation may seem unnatural, it is not unreasonable. The fact is that many women are simply not confident in their men. Of course, the desire to have offspring is worthy of respect. But in most cases, from the moment of conception, the child becomes exclusively a woman's concern.

Here are the main reasons that make women doubt the reliability of their soulmates:

• Unstable earnings. The child is preciouspleasure. From the first days of life, a lot of money has to be spent on a baby. And with age, these costs will not decrease. This argument should be especially weighty if the husband wants many children.
• Bad habits. If a man smokes a lot and abuses alcohol, this may not be the best way to affect the he alth of the unborn child.
• Irresponsible behavior. If a man does not sleep at home every now and then, does not fulfill your requests, does not look after the house, how can he become a good father?
• Infancy. If a man himself behaves like a child, it is definitely too early for him to have children.
• Marital infidelity. If a man now and then makes you jealous, it is unlikely that a woman will have a desire to have children in common with him.

Talk to a man about everything that worries you. If he really dreams of procreation, your doubts will make him change for the better.

Reluctance to face physiological and psychological problems

Carrying and giving birth to a child is a complex physiological process. Often, it provokes an exacerbation of chronic or the emergence of new diseases in a woman's body. Plus common problems like weight gain, hair loss, skin rashes, brittle teeth and more.

Life after the birth of a child also changes dramatically. In addition to undeniably pleasant moments, one has to deal with sleepless nights, dirty diapers, teething, and so on. This is a huge moral burden that spouses should share equally. It is important that the husband is notin words, but in deeds showed support.

Hard Times

Women are much more sensitive to hard times than men. If some crisis occurs in the world or in a particular country, a woman, as a potential mother, worries about the future of her future children. It is logical that a sane woman would not want to give birth to a child in a turbulent period (especially if her age allows her to postpone procreation for a while).

What to do in this case? It is important to objectively assess the validity of your concerns. Can things that worry you have a direct negative impact on your life?

Do you love your spouse?

"Husband wants a baby, but I don't…". If you are faced with a similar situation, this is an occasion to seriously think about your feelings for your spouse. Or rather, their absence. Think about what your relationship is based on:

• True love?
• Fear of being alone?
• Memories of passion and romance that took place in the beginning?
• Material benefit?
• Habit?

Perhaps the question of the child will be a turning point in your relationship.

Reluctance to change lifestyle

Everyone wants to live for their own pleasure. And if for some women the upbringing of children is the highest pleasure, then for others the birth of a child threatens to destroy the usual way of life. If a woman has an interesting busy job, if she is used to traveling, she has many hobbies,a wider circle of contacts and more perspectives, fears are well founded.

In fact, if a woman believes that a child will violate her habitual way, then she is not yet ripe for motherhood. Prepare yourself for this gradually:

• Expand your social circle. Connect more with people who already have children.
• Check your schedule. Gradually change your daily routine so that you can devote more time to household chores.
• Study the stories of successful businesswomen. You will be surprised, but among them there are many exemplary mothers (even those with many children).

Reaction to blackmail

Sometimes, if the husband really wants children, and the spouse doubts, he can resort to blackmail. As a rule, a man threatens with a divorce. In this case, a woman may have a protective reaction. She becomes even more resistant to having children.

What to do in this case? First of all, think about your true desires. Do you really want to enjoy your life? Or is your rejection of motherhood a protest against your spouse's rude attitude? In any case, before making a final decision, you need to improve relations with your spouse and establish a he althy and peaceful atmosphere in the family.

Reaction to public pressure

"I don't like children!" - sometimes a woman says this not sincerely, but as a response to public pressure. Every society has its own stereotypes about the family. So, in the domestic space there is an opinion that a girl must give birth before 25. This is accompaniedserious pressure on the fair sex, both from close friends and relatives, and from complete strangers.

So the refusal to have children may just be a resistance to the faux pas of this society. But you should be guided not by a protest impulse, but by your own feelings. Listen to yourself to understand exactly what you want from life.

Childfree Phenomenon

Today, more and more often you can hear people call themselves "childfree". These are the ones who don't want to have children. Society treats this phenomenon with sharp condemnation. However, they should not be confused with child haters who have a strong dislike for children.

Scientists are closely studying this phenomenon and have come to the conclusion that its occurrence is quite natural. The fact is that in the animal kingdom (to which man belongs) active reproduction is a way to ensure the survival of the species. A few hundred years ago, a large number of children died in the first years of life from hunger, infections and other problems. Therefore, people were forced to give birth to many children in order to preserve the human race.

Today humanity is not in danger of extinction. Therefore, people refused active reproduction. And many even say to themselves: "I want to live for my own pleasure!". Indeed, the quality of people's lives has improved, there are plenty of opportunities for self-realization and self-development. Without children, using these opportunities is much easier and more comfortable. Some people deliberately refuse to have children, realizing that it is notable to give them the best.

If you consider yourself a childfree, it would be more honest if you tell your man about this even before marriage, so that after years of marriage it does not become a shocking surprise.

Perhaps you should see a psychologist

Today, the life of the fair sex has changed so much that few people are surprised to hear from a woman: "I don't want children." But if the lady herself is concerned about the conclusions drawn, she should consult a specialist. This solution has the following advantages:

• A specialist will help you look at your problem from the outside (that is, objectively and without prejudice).
• At the appointment with a psychologist, you will not be surrounded by your usual life, which can negatively affect the course of your thoughts.
• Even if your loved ones surround you with care and support, they do not have enough experience and knowledge to get to the root of your problem.
• You can talk about anything with a psychologist. You can even tell him about those problems that you are embarrassed to share with loved ones.
• As a rule, with regular sessions, a specialist shows significant progress.

When choosing a psychologist, read the reviews about his work. If you feel uncomfortable at the appointment, do not continue to work with this specialist, look for another one.

How to delay conception?

"Husband wants a baby, but I don't…". It would seem that the easiest way is to take contraceptives secretly from your spouse. But that's not entirely fair. Rather, it's a scamwhich can cause serious damage to the relationship. So try to come to an agreement:

• Invite your spouse to assess your financial situation. Do you have your own comfortable housing? Is it comfortable enough? Do you have funds for the costs of pregnancy, childbirth and newborn care? Invite your spouse to postpone the birth of your first child until you stabilize your financial situation or save a certain amount that will cover the costs of the baby.
• Prepare physically for the birth of your baby. Explain to your spouse that he althy children are born to he althy parents, and therefore you need to undergo a medical examination. Surely you, he will have some he alth problems (albeit minor), the solution of which will take some time.
• Prepare mentally for the birth of a child. It is important that the expectant mother was in a calm mood and good mood. Ask your husband to take you on a trip to mentally relax before a difficult period.
• Suggest an alternative model for family development. Many couples have children at a fairly early age. But how many of them can give their children a decent life (not only materially, but also morally)? Set yourself a specific goal, reaching which, you can seriously think about procreation.

How should a man react?

If a woman says: "I don't want children!", a man should not immediately be offended and turn this situation into a conflict. The reaction must benext:

• Talk calmly to find out the cause of the problem. It is possible that your spouse has objective reasons for refusing motherhood - he alth problems, uncertainty about the future, a desire to build a career, see the world, and so on.
• Try to understand your spouse's message correctly. Most likely, she is not talking about not having children at all, but about simply putting it off for a while. If your spouse is very young, do not worry.
• Try to allay her fears. Even the most reverent and caring man does not fully realize how difficult pregnancy and childbirth are for a woman. In addition, after the birth of a child, the main burden of caring for the baby falls on the lady, which radically changes her usual way of life.
• Review your career prospects. If your spouse is successful in her work, she will certainly not want to stop in her development. Alternatively, offer your wife to go on maternity leave instead of her. In Europe, this practice has long been common.
• Try to be gentle. Bring your arguments, prove your willingness to be a good and loving father. But do it carefully and unobtrusively, in no case put pressure on your spouse.
• Don't talk, act. Demonstrate to the woman by your behavior and real actions that you are an exemplary and reliable husband, who will later become a good father. Support her in everything and help her in every possible way.

Conclusion

The birth of a child should be accompanied by mutual desire. However, the last word must still bebehind a woman. Firstly, it is her body that takes a direct part in this process. Secondly, the main burden of caring for a child lies with the woman (even if the spouse shows endless care). And, of course, in the event of a divorce, the child will most likely remain with the woman, which to some extent will limit her freedom and can cause serious financial difficulties. Nevertheless, ladies should not neglect the desires of their gentlemen too much. Moreover, the conception and birth of a child should not be blackmailed.